Thank you tradition.

grateful is a funny concept.

I feel that now this grandchild is a twenty one year old adult, basic social niceties such as expressions of thanks should no longer need to be taught by parents.

Likewise, even if he is bored out of his mind at family functions, he is well past old enough to put a polite face on it.

If he is incapable or completely unwilling to behave politely, this bodes extremely poorly for his future in the world of work.

Actually no it doesn't. It can be an advantage to be hard headed and focused in the world of work.

Its lovely to be kind and well mannered but not necessary.

It’s not about how it’s done these days, it’s common curtesy, just as you would say thank (I hope) if someone brought you a cup of tea or opened a door for you. It can be by text, phone, face to face or even written

Sounds he isn't interested in the gifts. That's what I would assume and just not bother. A lot of folk stop giving gifts to children/gc once they are of a certain age e.g. leave school and just give gifts on significant occasions as in marriage, birth of baby, moving home. Perhaps you should re-evaluate how he views gifts.

21 years old, time to stop giving presents unless he gives you something at Christmas or birthdays. It is never fashionable to not say thank you just thoughtless.

oldbatty he yawns in his grandmother’s face when she speaks; no manager of a 21 year old is going to tolerate that.

I didn't get a thank you from my nephew either when I sent him a crisp, new minted, £50 note for his 21st (My traditional 21st gift to nephews and nieces, I'm not overly well off!)
I rang him in the end to ask if he'd received it, as I had had to do with his older brother and, later had to do with his younger sister. (They, the brother and sister did, at least have the grace to say, "oh yes, thank you" when I enquired but not the other nephew.)
"Did my card and the money arrive on time?" I enquired. "Oh yes, I got them ok" was the only reply!
These are my brother's children by his first (of three) wives.
They are now in their mid to late thirties. I haven't seen them, or my brother, or their mother, for years and I have no particular wish to!!

Give him nothing, and lots of it!
I know you say it's not in your make up to be confrontational, but the next time he disrespects you have a word in the ignorant oafs ear.

muffin, dont want to disagree for the sake of it, but I think people are capable of acting in different ways in different circumstances.

Of course he won't be yawning in the face of a future employer or his boss.

The ex bofriend of my middle DD never gave thanks either.
They'd been living together for two years when I met him. First Xmas I sent him a separate card. Second year I asked her what she would like then had it delivered but what about him...
We'd never spoken so I asked DD and she suggested a computer/Xbox game. She must have asked his choice so I looked on Amazon. £49.99
Nevertheless, I felt I had to stump up and it was duly sent.
Not a word in response, not even by a tbird party, my DD.
A couple of months after NYear I visited (it takes a day to get there) for a weekend but not a word was said about the FIFTY POUND GIFT.
I never bothered again and a year later they split and I was never more glad.
Manners are rarely displayed nowadays...or so it seems.

*third

I'm with Jenpax on this. I don't think the lack of thanks would ever stop me giving to anyone if I wanted to. As for blaming the lack of courtesy on the parents, well...... my children were thoroughly schooled in this arena but, disappointingly, as mature adults, they sometimes omit to acknowledge receipt of a gift, monetary or otherwise. However, I never give a gift in anticipation of thanks even though I appreciate it when it happens. Actually prefer feedback to thanks. Funny old world.

You are quite right to be upset as I am. I am a widow,live on a very modest pension but give my 4 grandsons money at Christmas and birthdays rarely get a thank you.

I usually give my teenage GS and GD cash for birthdays and Christmas. Not a huge amount, but all I can afford. GS never used to thank me. When he reached 17, and again hadn't acknowledged his card and cash I sent him a Facebook message. "People who forget to say thank you for gifts may find that the gifts don't arrive any more!"
Within the hour I received a thank you message, and he has not missed one since!

Saying thank you is just basic manners and respect, plus he is old enough to know right from wrong. Yawning in your face etc is just so wrong. I’d stop giving him money, if he can’t say thanks he can’t be that bothered about it. Tell him you will put it away for him until he learns both manners and respect.... then he may get given it at a later date.

My BIL very , very ,rarely says thank you for presents- birthday or Christmas. I find it very hurtful. I have recently just sent a card for a birthday and no present. I wonder if my S will say anything.

He does sound deliberately rude, re the yawning, and sadly you don't seen to have a good relationship with him.

I think next time I'd sponsor a donkey /or other charity donation for a year, in his name. Sometimes the charity will send feedback to the named person. At least your money well be going somewhere it's appreciated, and he will know you've thought of him.

I'm sorry to say it appears to be the norm these days. I've heard the excuse, "Well, it's family so it doesn't matter," but it DOES matter.
Put it this way, if they didn't get a present would they complain?

must take a lot of energy, all this holding in of anger.

old batty, I have been really active in the past when I was a little younger , even just four or so years ago,and more energetic, and that has incidentally gained me a few friends who are now dead, but I do join in with what I feel capable of .
I enjoy solitude and my loneliness is not due to solitude.

Lovebeigecardigans wrote:

"Put it this way, if they didn't get a present would they complain?"

I am sure my grandson would not complain. He seems to expect nothing from me, and if he gets something from me he doesn't seem to appreciate it.

I must look to my own motivations which possibly require some adjusting.

Alexa, you are quite an intriguing person!

Darling- present when we catch up. Write this in the birthday or xmas card. (If you don't see him, eat, drink or spend his present). When you do get to hand the present over remember to hang on to your end of it until he says thank you- as we did when the children were small (training!) A verbal thanks is enough.

hang on to the end of a present?

Can't people just give things and be happy?