Wedding woes

Exactly!!!!

I think I misrepresented myself a bit. I don't actually alwaystell my children how I feel but inside I do feel parents wishes should be heeded more. I guess I was brought up in an era when that was the norm. My children rarely ask for advice and do things their own way. My daughter -already living with partner- got married in a register office with 2 friends as witnesses. Her husbands parents live beside them and weren't invited. Nor were we. I gave her money for a wedding outfit which she told me she spent on (v expensive) denim jeans which she normally couldnt afford!
I guess its gone so much the other way now that parents feel a bit used because we are often only important when needed.. I do however still feel a wedding is a family occasion for everyone to rejoice together and instead of being told how it is should be asked is there anyone you would specially like to come.

annep I got married 43 years ago,we got money as a gift from my mothers next door neighbour,it wasfor a fridge freezer Thats what they told us and thats what we went out to buy .We came home with a chess set! The upside is we've had many fridges and freezers in our married life and only one much loved chess set.You cant/shouldn't give money gifts with strings attached.People have minds of their own ,surely you dont want your AC to live by your rules forever they must do what THEY want .Just like we and probab;y you did .
Wedding nowadys are not what they were and as a photographer who has taken thousands I can be sure of that.Its ALL about the couple now ,what they want comes first ,last and everything inbetween.The days when mums and dads got a say in any of it have long gone.Just enjoy the day and be glad you didn't have to do the organising .

Sorry Paddyann but if my daughter tells me she's having a wedding that to me isnt a wedding and I tell her that's lovely, even though I'm disappointed that my only much-loved daughter is getting married without me there, I feel I'm entitled to feel sad. But I congratulated them and said there's some money to buy something nice to wear on your wedding day. No photos, not even told the exact date. Did I utter a word? No! I think I did well. I cnt even send a wedding anniversary card.
My children don't live by my rules. They make their own decisions. not always wisely I may add - son has cost me a lot of money many times helping him out of mistakes. Thankfully he now has a partner. I don't have to worry about him now.

annep Some things do change. It's not a family occasion any more. Unless you live in the same city/town/county or country you always have done and are happily in each other's pockets as are the couple having the wedding. Most couples now marry in their late twenties or early thirties, very many have moved away from their native area, and a large number have rarely met their relations beyond immediate family. I plan to contribute to my DCs' weddings BUT I would not expect them to invite relations or friends of mine they don't know. I would expect to be asked whom I might like given a certain number and where I might like to sit - which is where I think the OP and her DD have broken down in terms of communications.

The wedding juggernaut seems a bit like the Christmas juggernaut.

I think if it's totally their day they should pay for it. The idea that a parent pays lots of money then is disregarded is quite wrong. The young seem to have such a sense of entitlement. Rather unrealistic and not helpful to a happy life.

I'm afraid we'll have to agree to differ. I don't see how a wedding can be anything other than a family occasion if you belong to a family.