AIBU to expect a birthday card

I don't understand other peoples responses - 'if it's important to you, perhaps you should have reminded them' - She's their mother, she gives them money and free child care, she's there for them everytime they need or want help and they can't remember her birthday!?! I'd be bloody furious!!!

I agree with you purplepansyem! We shouldn't have to remind our own children of our birthday.

Aw completely understand. If not a card then a phone call! About time you told them how upset you are and please yourself a bit more often.

I think some AC still feel children and act as such. Not bloody well on.

Happy birthday to you xxx

I agree too. A quick call and or a card or little note popped in the post doesn’t exactly take much time. I get a bit fed up with all this oh, they have such busy lives’.

I think I would have to say something, or hold off until I was asked for something and then say ' Oh, you havent forgotten me then, because it seemed that way on my birthday'

I don’t think you are being unreasonable. One year all mine forgot. I was upset. It’s not much to ask for a small amount of recognition to say thanks for all you do and a birthday provides that opportunity. Belated birthday wishes x

I must have upset so many people as I find it very difficult to remember people's birthdays. I have enrolled on to one of those electronic card sites which reminds me a week before when some one has a birthday. I immediately set it up that they receive an electronic card.

Some people don't like those cards but at least it shows I care. Also saving the planet, what use are those paper cards, after being on the mantle piece, they end up in a draw or the dustbin.

I don't like being forgotten but it happens regularly. My three children aren't reliable. I would just say you forgot my birthday, not worth getting worked up.
My daughter in law remembers EVERY date - birthdays anniversaries Mothers Day. I hope I never forget hers! She doesn't think much of people forgetting.

Whatever the reason, when you do so much for them, it was selfish and careless of your children to forget about your birthday and not send a card. I assume they did not ring you or send an email either.

DH is a non-card sender and DS seems to always send them late, but they never forget my birthday completely. I get a phone call or an email.

No, if there was no contact at all from them. I would haul them over the coals and tell them in no uncertain terms how you felt.

Although if you constantly do so much to support them, and presumably always have, do they just see your role as that of a personal concierge and faciltator, without any thought or consideration for you and your need.

Perhaps you should be a little less at their beck and call, so that they begin to appreciate how much you do, for them when you say no to a request for help.

Happy birthday to you!
This is one time when Facebook is useful as it sends reminder of people’s birthdays, so I can at least send a message. I love getting cards, but happy with just a phone call of something. Used to love the homemade ones my son did when he was young. He was so creative.

No, you are not being unreasonable. I remember my youngest daughter forgot mine once and tried to make an excuse about not knowing what day/date it was. I said the same date it’s been all my life!! It’s never happened again. I always say, I don’t mind not getting a present as things are not cheap nowadays, but I do like a nice card. Shows they have at least thought about you.

I think you have every right to feel upset. I have 3 sons and they mostly forget my birthday and one Mother’s Day i didn’t get one card. I always sent cards to my mum and think it’s a mark if respect as well as love. Just making excuses for this lack of consideration isn’t right in my book. Happy Birthday.

Many happy returns for yesterday! I would be very upset if my kids forgot my birthday and I would have to let them know somehow. Maybe buy them a 2019 calendar for Christmas with the date clearly marked 'Mum's birthday' and maybe the week before 'Buy Mum a card' or something similar.
If the younger generation prefer to send birthday messages via social media that's fine for them, but not for your mother who probably wouldn't even see it!

Thank you all Gransnetters, what a great bunch you are. Thank you for your kind words and thoughtful suggestions xx

How upsetting for you, are you a birthday person and make a big fuss at family members birthdays? I only ask because there are lots of families who don't bother as much as some other ones do, if yours doesn't it gives them a bit of a reason, but if you do all celebrate birthdays, I think its a bit off and would expect something, drop hints next year!
My DS forgot mothers day a couple of years ago, I was gutted and so upset, he didn't forget last year!

You certainly seem to be very heavily involved with your DGC. Maybe just a bit too much. Thi k if I did all that I would be very upset at not receiving some sort of acknowledgement for my birthday. Presuming both DD and DS has a mobile surely the could programme in a reminder on the calendar app. Try not to let your feelings change your love of your DGC, it's their parents who need a bit more of a "stand offish" approach. Happy Birthday Wishes.

Happy belated birthday Abbeygran. I hope you found something celebratory to do with your DGS and I'm glad your DD at least phoned you. Hopefully she's planning to bring something home with her for you. Perhaps DS used to get a timely reminder from his ex-OH? Anyway, I think the idea of buying a cake, and inviting them to share it, is a great idea and will gently make the point. Plus, there's cake for you too! Birthdays are one of those things that people get worked up about - they either need it to be remembered or they don't care about it at all and wonder why other people fuss about it. I don't care at all but, at the same time, I know I'm so fortunate to usually get b'day cards from my AC. One of them usually forgets so I'm impressed if I get one from each. But, as others have said, it was YOUR birthday and, if it's important to you, your family ought to know that, and YANBU to expect a card. I hope you had acknowledgements from other family and friends, and on GN you have many good wishes at least.

My husband always reminds our daughter in the USA well before my birthday or Mother’s Day and I do the same for his birthday/ Father’s Day.It seems to work! She is very busy and has a high-powered job, so she is glad we do it!

Happy belated birthday, do you’re not being unreasonable I would be very upset try not to take it personally they might surprise you yet

I would be devastated if my daughters forgot my birthday!
And I wouldn't keep quiet about it, either.
But I suppose all families are different. Our family makes a big thing of birthdays, anniversaries, etc.
Considering all you do for them, Abbeygran I think the very least you can expect is a bloody card!
Happy Birthday, from me.

I sympathise with the OP very much. To care for others and be ignored yourself is atrocious. My DS ‘forgot’ my birthday once so I ‘forgot’ hers when it came around and this seemed to make her realise how hurtful it was as it never happened again.

I suggest some heavy hints before the event might not go amiss and then, if the point isn’t taken, ‘forget’ their birthdays and stop doing favours.

I'd feel tempted to put a birthday card on the mantelpiece with 'Happy Birthday to me' on it.
If/when you're visited by the forgetful, they notice and they say, 'sorry, I forgot' just say 'so you did' not that it's ok, then change the subject.

No you are not being insensitive, and why the heck should you have to remind your own children when it's your birthday? Then you'd never know if the card/gift was sent out of a sense of duty, or because they truly wanted to celebrate your birthday.

I usually remind my sons about my birthday by telling them what I'd like to do to celebrate and what I'd like for a gift from them. I feel that they might forget otherwise, it not being one of their most important considerations. I don't expect it to be, really.

I don't think you are being unreasonable - you can't help your feelings - but I doubt forgetting the date of your birthday is any sign of diminishing affection for you. My own mother was quite often forgotten by my youngest brother - on a couple of occasions he even missed Mother's Day. She never said a thing, and if she was hurt, never let on. I scolded my brother on a few occasions for his lack of consideration for her, knowing that he meant nothing by it, he was just too absorbed in his own activities and work, but I felt it was a poor excuse. Mum put up with a lot, without complaining.

I make sure my sons keep in touch and remember my birthday and Mother's Day. Ideally I would not have to, but I'm not going to sit patiently and wait in silence for some attention, like my Mum did! I love my sons, but I know I was not always the kindest and most loving to them that I should have been when they were small - I regret every moment I wasted being cross - and so I feel grateful and glad that they are still in my life and we see each other often and I get to hug them all and let them know that I love them. I don't really need cards, I need my boys in my life.

Just in time to say Good Morning All. {smile]

I've followed " nearly " every post for a while now and thought I'd like to join in. I also noted all the trials and tribulations that enter everyone's lives----uninvited in many cases and because these are shared it makes life more bearable.