AIBU for being angry?

"impossible Blonde" you are being mistreated by everyone - your partner and his mother, aided and abetted by Social Services, who will let you run yourself into the ground rather than spend any of their budget supporting you. You have to think about your own health, both mental and physical, and the point will come, where enough is enough ( though I suspect you are already there) and you have to dig your heels in and say that you are not prepared to look after her and if necessary go and stay with friends or relatives to get you outside the situation. Your partner will then either have to get his finger out or get social services to sort things out. IT IS NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY!

I feel so sorry for you, Impossible Blonde. You seem very depressed and I’m not surprised. As you are so poorly yourself, you definitely shouldn’t be trying to look after somebody else and certainly not sleeping on the floor on an air-bed. You seem to have lost all your self-confidence and feel unable to stand up to your partner (husband?) Do you have any other friends/family who could look after you for a bit for a change. It sounds as if you need a bit of tlc and pampering yourself and time to think carefully about your situation without having to look after this difficult old lady. She needs an ultimatum, as does your other half, that things have got to change as you are too ill ourself to cope any more. Good luck! We are all rooting for you!

Who is Impossible B? Don't get it.
What I do get is the OP is an impossible situation. What an awful mi.l. and such a domineering partner. Is he living in the dark ages? What does he think male Doctors are there for? To pounce on all female patients? I don't think so. He seems very insecure and downright nasty. How you put up with him and his awful mother, I don't know. Wish you all the best, but some serious decisions have to be made.

We are certainly rooting for you, but I am sure true friends have disappeared over the years due to isolation.

OP I feel tremendous sympathy for you - I have been in a similar situation. You are being exploited and abused by very clever and manipulative people. You should not blame yourself for this at all. It can happen to anyone. Probably happens to the nicest and kindest people, because they are so helpful to others.

If you go on the Quora website
www.quora.com and search for narcissists
and see what is posted there you may well find lots of help. I read the posts time and time again even though I have escaped from my controlling partner. You will read about people who have escaped from controlling partners and some who are still trying to escape. You will learn how to put yourself first. And how important that is.

You CAN gradually build yourself back up again, You know you're resourceful because you came on gransnet and you put your case very eloquently. I can tell that you are trying to survive this situation but don't feel able to do much.

My main concern for you - apart from escaping from these two - is that if anything should happen to MIL you will be blamed as it is VERY unlikely that either of them will accept any responsibility.

It's very important that you flag the situation up with SS or the medical profession. At the earliest opportunity state that you are not in the best of health yourself but you are doing your very best but you know it is still not enough given your MIL's poor appetite and health. Impress on them that her health is at risk if she stays at home with you as her only carer. “At risk” is a clarion call to the professionals who will have to document that you said this to them.

You have many people here rooting for you. Let us know how it goes. Hugs.

You need to stand up for yourself. Why on earth have you moved onto an air bed in the lounge?? Take back your bedroom. A partner being unhappy with you seeing a male doctor is really concerning TBH and a huge red flag. Please be careful.

CrazyH if you read the posts you will see original poster changed their name because it was too close to another poster she is now Impossiblyblonde

Thankyou Bluebelle .

Can’t you see your own GP and discuss that caring for your MiL is too much for you and ask what they recommend or if they can back you up?

Then it will be ok to say it’s too much for your health to care for her at home?

In thinking more about your dilemma.... have you considered calling an ambulance for your MIL (preferably when partner is not in the house)? When emergency crew arrives and they see how emaciated and unwell she is, they will very likely transport her to hospital without delay. In hospital, social workers will get involved and ask questions about her home situation. With her out of the house, you will have the unique opportunity to extricate yourself from your situation with zero obligation.

With you out of the picture, your partner will have no choice but to assume his rightful responsibility. My guess is he can't or won't take care of her either, so a nursing home is the best option there is. There she'll get the medical attention she needs, be surrounded by carers 24/7 and enjoy the company of other elderly people like herself. You would be doing her a tremendous service and freeing yourself, as well.

ImpossibleBlonde, you are trapped in this vicious circle by your own fundamental good nature. At the moment you are also ill and exhausted, not least because you don't have a proper bed to sleep in. I hope your hospital appointment was some help in sorting out your medical problems.

You need to assess your situation by asking yourself:
do you have any independent income; are you in a position to work and earn money; is there anywhere you could go to escape this situation and support yourself? Do you have any stake in the place where you are living or are you dependent on your partner? You are trapped in four walls now, plus all the unpaid caring you do for his mother.

Your partner is a dangerously selfish man, who is happy for you to sacrifice your bed, home and health to the needs of his mother, (whilst doing precious little himself) yet has so little respect for you that he harasses you when you see a male doctor. Social Services won't come to your aid because his mother can and has refused their help, and your partner doesn't want them to, probably because of the cost; ultimately the mother's house would be sold to cover costs if she moved into a home.

Concentrate on getting your health back and don't be so foolish as to discharge yourself early if you are hospitalised; use it as a chance to rest. Then plan for your future.

It won't be easy and don't underestimate the power and iron will of this woman, but the situation will only get worse and you will pay the price.

Is anyone else worried that we haven't heard from the OP for a while? She used to reply quite a lot but now silence. I wonder if her husband is now banning her from contacting gransnet. Just a thought. What does everyone else think?

Yes, grannypauline, I do feel worried for her and have been looking out for her reply. However, she did say yesterday morning at 9:09 that she was getting her 'mil' ready for a hospital appointment so am wondering if that might have changed the situation for her. Hopefully the hospital staff will have recognised that her 'mil' needs intervention because of her low weight.

Firstly, yes she was wrong to do that. It's completely two faced.

Also, how do you put up with a partner that dictates which doctor you can and can't see? The NHS is stretched, I take the first one available and couldn't care whether it's a man or woman.

Oh my goodness. I'd just walk away. You must be so utterly stressed out.
You have one life, make the most of it. Get shot of the people that are making you unhappy.

PLease come back and give us all an update.

is this poster genuine?

I hope The Partner hasn’t found this thread!

Not too sure about that oldbatty.

Hope Imp Blonde is taking the time she said she needed, before the hospital appointment with mil, to get her head together. It would be sad if she feels she can’t continue with the post, as I hoped she was feeling the love and support from posters on here.

oldbatty - in my experience fact is more realistic than fiction.

is this poster genuine
I received a slapped wrist from HQ for voicing doubts on a particular post. I keep my thoughts to myself now.

ps I should have said fact is stranger than fiction.

I tried to PM the lady to offer help and she is unable to accept messages?

what about a home help.? and dont put up with all that c**p from your partner.its not up to him to control you ,whether you see a male or female doctor..tell her you have had enough. and go away for a week maybe more .let her son do it.