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AIBU for being angry?

(161 Posts)
Suedomin Tue 30-Oct-18 14:13:47

My partner and I are looking after his elderly mother who can do very little for herself at the moment. I wash her, dress her, cut up her food as well as everything else she 'orders'. I have made myself ill looking after her, we sleep on an air bed in the lounge whilst she has our bed and I have a chronic pain condition called reflex sympathetic dystrophy which is causing me a great deal of pain. I was taken to hospital myself a couple of weeks ago because of it but quickly discharged myself after a scan and some more tests as she had nobody else to look after her (she will not allow my partner to dress her which is understandable)

I received a phone call from the surgery to ask me to make an appointment because the Dr wanted to discuss the results of my scan. I made the appointment and it wasn't until later I realised that the Dr I was seeing was male (my partner is a bit weird about me seeing a male dr). I discussed it with my mother-in-law and she said I should just not tell him about it not being a female Dr, the Dr wasn't going to examine me, just discuss the results and what he didn't know wouldn't hurt him. I agreed and didn't tell him because it was easier than trying to change the appointment, yet when I arrived at the Drs I received angry texts from my partner as she told him about the male Dr as soon as I left.

This has caused massive arguments between my partner and I and I admit I told him she was just causing trouble and 'stiring it' which has understandably made him even more angry.

I will be honest I am at the point I don't want to look after her now. I get no thanks from her whatsowver, she just sits there expecting everything to be done for her. Before this betrayal I didn't mind too much about the lack of gratitude but now I wonder why I made myself so ill for her when she acts like this.

Am I being unreasonable, should I just 'suck it up and get on with it?

4allweknow Thu 01-Nov-18 22:30:44

Sue, is the forbidden male Dr due to religion? If so you will be fully aware of DP attitude. If not, then he is controlling you. Also DPs mother is not recognising your worth to her. You need to contact Social Services for a care assessment. If DPs mother refuses to accept help from others then it is down to her and her son to cope not you.

annep Sat 03-Nov-18 20:42:56

I did wonder is it genuine. Especially with choice of name.

oldbatty Sat 03-Nov-18 20:56:51

if its not genuine what would motivate somebody to do this?

annep Sat 03-Nov-18 21:18:11

Dont know. I just can't imagine anyone allowing themselves to be treated like that. I would imagine someone restricted so much would have her phone monitored. But maybe my imagination is working overtime.

annep Sat 03-Nov-18 21:27:56

Ignore last post. I have reread. Seems feasible enough. Can't pm her. wonder why she has stopped posting.

BlueBelle Sat 03-Nov-18 21:31:20

You have to read the posts to understand, half way through she was warned her name was far too close to another postef so she kindly changed her name, which is why you can’t pm her annep

NfkDumpling Sat 03-Nov-18 22:00:52

I hope her partner or his mother haven't accessed this thread and seen how we've been encouraging her to rebel. She may be in trouble!

annep Sat 03-Nov-18 22:32:03

I knew she had changed her name Bluebelle. I didn't realise it would stop pms. I hope she's ok.

EmilyHarburn Sun 04-Nov-18 20:53:21

You are eligible for a carers assessment. You need help and you need to discuss in this assessment what help yo need. Then if your MIL does not cooperate you may have to decide enough is enough.

Tooyoungytobeagrandma Tue 06-Nov-18 19:58:26

Why would you feel guilty it's not your mother and you've done your best no one is going to thank you when you kill yourself looking after an inconsiderate blackmailing woman who had a son who should be doing the lions share after the care. As for not being able to see a male Dr sid that for a game of marbles he'd be told where he could go and take his ungrateful mother with him. Stupid pair get out while you have some life left xx