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All I want for Christmas??

(109 Posts)
3211123rjc Tue 04-Dec-18 13:28:47

The answer to myself is...some peace from what to do at Christmas. Each year I spend about a week of my life trying to second guess what is happening with the family, who is going where? Will we get to know anytime soon. I give up and then ask the question and get my head bitten off for asking too soon, as they are so busy they haven't given Christmas a thought. My thought is Christmas is no surprise, its the same date every year!! This year we are getting to have Christmas by ourselves, not by our choice, daughter having a crisis with work pressures and missed deadlines and just wants some space, depression has set in and wouldn't be much fun! Son is abroad, has just lost his job and can't afford airfare. Another son who is chef, hates Christmas. So, I am truly fed up, not with having Christmas to ourselves, but with worrying about the family. Can I move Christmas to another date please.

Theoddbird Wed 05-Dec-18 14:29:26

I am yet again having to spend it with family. I so want a peaceful day on my own. All I get is you can't spend Christmas on your own. I don't see it as any other day that I am on my own....hahaha. Enjoy your day and try not to worry. They will all get through their problems. Enjoy your day.

minxie Wed 05-Dec-18 14:55:46

I’ve e told my adult children. I never expect them to see me on Christmas Day. Especially as one of them is In their new home. It takes the pressure off everybody and if they come to me. It’s a bonus, chill and makes some special plans for yourselves

hulahoop Wed 05-Dec-18 14:58:09

To you all you are having a horrid time ?There are no words . I lost my sister last year near Xmas it was a release for her she had been ill a long time I took comfort from this .

Bellanonna Wed 05-Dec-18 15:09:42

Virtual flowers and hugs for Teetime and pastel. Mabon I think you need some too. Don’t be too harsh on people starting lighthearted threads. Gransnet needs a mixture of subjects and this one was fine. I’m genuinely so sorry for the worrying time you’re having.

MagicWriter2016 Wed 05-Dec-18 15:35:21

So sorry to read about your predicament teatime, death is never easy, if they go suddenly they leave their loved ones shocked and wishing they had had time to say all the things they didn’t get to say. But then if it’s a long drawn out illness, we wish it would end so our loved ones can be in peace! I hope your son in law gets his peace sooner rather than later.

As for the OP, I think this time of year kind of magnifies any problems our family are already having. We see everywhere in the media, how wonderful Xmas is, how all the family come together and have the best time ever, everyone gets the presents they want and the table is heaving with beautifully cooked food. But the reality is usually a lot different. Try and just enjoy your day alone with your hubby and watch whatever you fancy on tv, have a tipple and eat some of your favourite food xx

Mollyplop Wed 05-Dec-18 15:54:22

Bellanonna
Wise words indeed. Everyone has stuff going on in their lives but as you rightly said, we need lighter threads to keep us smiling.

anitamp1 Wed 05-Dec-18 15:58:24

Teatime. Thoughts with you. You truly do have something to worry about. The rest of us should count our blessings.

kittylester Wed 05-Dec-18 16:04:08

I k ow &teetine*, morethan and mabon, have the most awful times going on for them but the problems others are facing can't be discounted either - they could just be the final straw.

It's not a competition and I think everyone deserves kindness!

kittylester Wed 05-Dec-18 16:05:20

And I've got a new phone.
teetime

kwest Wed 05-Dec-18 16:14:27

We often used to move Christmas to another date when my daughter was managing a hotel and my son was trying to fit in with his prospective in laws plans. It was still lovely to spend time with them and we could also have a lovely time on Christmas Day reading our new books and having lots of little treats.

Hollydoilly10 Wed 05-Dec-18 16:39:43

I have had 2 Christmases by myself and they are great. I can do what I like eat what I like and eat chocolate in my dressing gown if I want to.
I have come to realise that Children especially when they are grown have to live their own lives and have cultivated a life I like and want.
I realised that had my mother interfered with my life in the way I wanted to (Help) with theirs I would have been very angry.
Trust that the lessons you have taught them will help and relax and enjoy your time at Christmas.
We can only change our own lives not that of our children.
When I stopped trying to organise their Christmas they have come to include me more - not necessarily on Christmas day but all around the holidays.

Dukeybabe62 Wed 05-Dec-18 16:48:23

Oh Teetime, your post bought tears to my eyes.
We should all remember what is important at this time of the year
Wishing you and your family strength and peace
]flowers]

Dukeybabe62 Wed 05-Dec-18 16:49:04

flowers

mabon1 Wed 05-Dec-18 16:52:50

If it's not trivia about not making the bed whilst waiting for the cat to move is then what is?

You can celebrate and be excited as you want Gabriella but people should stop moaning about the cat on the bed!

kittylester Wed 05-Dec-18 17:02:01

It was my cat on the bed mabon - it was light hearted.

I have (or have had) lots of large (ish) worries in my life and will no doubt have more. One of my ways of dealing with things is to be light hearted- which obviously irritates some people. Another way is trying to fix things - which irritates other people.

Everyone deals with things differently!

Marydoll Wed 05-Dec-18 17:07:44

Mabon, Bellanonna is right, you need some kindness too. flowers.

Marydoll Wed 05-Dec-18 17:10:59

Kitty, my way of dealing with things is to be facetious, it doesn't always get taken the right way and sometimes gives the totally wrong impression of me.
As you say, we all deal with things differently.

Teetime Wed 05-Dec-18 17:26:45

Our lovely son in law died peacefully this afternoon...thankyou all so much for your kind thoughts. David would be the first person to want everyone to be happy and enjoy life... I love to share the humour and fun on here. Keep smiling xxx

jacq10 Wed 05-Dec-18 17:31:45

I feel so sad just now and yet comforted by Gransnetter's posts. My DH of 49yrs passed away very suddenly last week and we are now arranging his funeral. It is heartbreaking to read of youngsters losing one or sometimes two of their parents and parents having to grieve for the loss of a child. My parents died in their 60's and my DH and myself were so thankful we were able to enjoy his long retirement and DGS growing up - so many don't get that chance. My thoughts just now are with teetime and family.

Framilode Wed 05-Dec-18 17:42:27

So sorry tee time and jacq. No words but many thoughts.

NanKate Wed 05-Dec-18 17:47:15

Teetime Morethan Pastel and anyone else facing the prospect of losing someone close to you and your family, my deepest sympathies. We are always here for you to share your feelings. ???

We are spending Christmas with our DS and two young GSs 7 and 5. We are going to find it very hard to explain to the boys that their mother will not be spending Christmas with them, as she will be with her new man. However comparing my sadness for the boys with those of you losing family members, I realise things are better for us than for others.

grannyactivist Wed 05-Dec-18 17:50:09

Teetime and jacq10 - my condolences. flowers

It can be easy to overlook self-care when times are fraught with emotion, so please remember to take a little time out to allow yourselves to grieve and look after yourselves.

Saggi Wed 05-Dec-18 17:51:07

To lighten the mood ....boo humbug to matching crockery....my mum always insisted on it as did my gran, and my husband thinks it’s ‘oh do proper’. So .... unbeknownst to anybody I’ve gone out and bought 8 different dinner plates this Xmas and won’t the stuff shirts all feta surprise when the dinners eaten and all the plates can be seen in all there ‘different’ glory. My husband is cringing at the mere thought of it!!! Good enough reason to do it!! My hippie/funkie daughter will thouroughky approve ...not sure about my son. The grandkids won’t even notice!! Hahahaha ....roll on Xmas...I do all the prep and cooking...so my rules.

Willow500 Wed 05-Dec-18 17:57:37

Teetime my condolences - such a sad day for you all flowers

So much sadness - thoughts are with all of you going through dreadful times.

kitnsimon Wed 05-Dec-18 18:35:50

good for you kazzerb !