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All I want for Christmas??

(109 Posts)
3211123rjc Tue 04-Dec-18 13:28:47

The answer to myself is...some peace from what to do at Christmas. Each year I spend about a week of my life trying to second guess what is happening with the family, who is going where? Will we get to know anytime soon. I give up and then ask the question and get my head bitten off for asking too soon, as they are so busy they haven't given Christmas a thought. My thought is Christmas is no surprise, its the same date every year!! This year we are getting to have Christmas by ourselves, not by our choice, daughter having a crisis with work pressures and missed deadlines and just wants some space, depression has set in and wouldn't be much fun! Son is abroad, has just lost his job and can't afford airfare. Another son who is chef, hates Christmas. So, I am truly fed up, not with having Christmas to ourselves, but with worrying about the family. Can I move Christmas to another date please.

Pastel Wed 05-Dec-18 10:18:18

Teetime - I am in the same situation (DH) it is so hard and a a very lonely feeling. I just want Christmas over.

3211123rjc Wed 05-Dec-18 10:23:38

Teetime, may you and your family find some peace at this terrible sad time. To you all who have left comments, I take solace in knowing that you are all happy to share how you cope with this time of year. I have been retired now for a couple of years and I'm still learning how to say "no" to them all. They are the ones that feel guilty about not seeing me at Christmas, as I said it shouldn't have to be this hard. Regardless of what the family decide, we are treating ourselves to some very nice food and drinks, planning our TV entertainment, and looking forward to a Christmas day walk to the pub. That's me sorted. To you all, have the best time that circumstances will allow this holiday and good luck for the new year.tchsmile

Mapleleaf Wed 05-Dec-18 10:25:49

3211123, I think a lot of good advice has been given to you, and I think Marthajolly1, in particular, offers excellent advice. Good luck, and I hope you manage to have a nice Christmas.

grandtanteJE65 Wed 05-Dec-18 10:30:49

Teetime and Pastel (and anyone else in a similar situation) I am so sorry to hear about this dreadfully trying time you are going through.

To all the others who feel Christmas is difficult: do your own thing. If you want to invite your adult children do so, if not enjoy a nice peaceful Christmas on your own.

winterwhite Wed 05-Dec-18 10:34:19

Teetime, more flowers. Look after yourself

kittylester Wed 05-Dec-18 10:38:25

No words pastel - just a big, gentle (((hug))). Talk to us if it helps. soop' kitchen is brilliant.

Teetime and * morethan* for you too.

dragonfly46 Wed 05-Dec-18 10:53:06

I second what Kitty says Pastel, I have found great comfort in Soop's Kitchen.

Pastel, Teetime and Morethan there is nothing I can say to make things better but thinking of you all and sending hugs.

321123 I would arrange next year to be away for Christmas and let the family sort themselves out. Dont let them think you are dependent on them and maybe they will find that they really miss seeing you and arrange things a little earlier the next year.

inishowen Wed 05-Dec-18 11:12:57

My son and family are going to his inlaws this year. Not a problem, but our daughter has just split up with her husband so she and the two children are coming here. It will be a big change for us, having so few here. Also it will be sad for my daughter.

mabon1 Wed 05-Dec-18 11:16:24

I want my daughter in law to have her last Christmas pain free and in peace with her husband and 10 year old son around her. Some of the people who post on this site need to get off their backsides and stop moaning about trivia.

Tamayra Wed 05-Dec-18 11:20:50

Sending you love & strength at such a difficult time 🙏💖🙏

Drwatfam Wed 05-Dec-18 11:21:01

I feel the same ... except my interest in Christmas is much reduced this year as I lost my Mum in June. She loved Christmas and all the fun has gone from it now. I've no longer got her to talk it over woth and laugh with .
So , the 4 children, in laws and DGC are rocking up over Christmas... at various times.
We've told time we will feed the masses and change bedding but have asked them to discuss arrangements about who comes when between themselves . Heck , the 4 kids range from 36 to 26. 2 even share a flat. You'd think they could talk to each other without using me ( Mum ) as a hub and director of operations .
Seems not though. I'm still getting questions.... and don't get me started on the " What shall I get for ..... " .
I am struggling to buy my own presents for everyone , never mind help them out. I guess old habits die hard and , maybe , I will feel better and back on the ball !

lizzypopbottle Wed 05-Dec-18 11:33:16

OP I live 300+ miles from two of my children and, in the past, when they're having a difficult time I've felt stressed and worried. It's made worse by the one who lives here getting steamed up because the others are worrying me! Lately, I've tried to convince myself that I can't help from this distance (other than moral or financial support) so worrying is futile. It doesn't change anything.

I should've just said, worrying is futile. It doesn't help anyone. Give yourself a break and look forward to a nice quiet Christmas. You never know. Things might change for the better.😀

kittylester Wed 05-Dec-18 11:48:05

mabon, sending you (((hugs))).

marionk Wed 05-Dec-18 12:04:34

Teetime’s situation puts everything into perspective for me - no more fussing about who is included and who isn’t for me this year.

Teetime Wed 05-Dec-18 12:09:12

Thank you all for your kind thoughts and pastel my thoughts are with you.

Or lovely son in law has now been taken off all interventions and has been made comfortable by some wonderful doctors and nurses in Ipswich Hospital. Our daughter and his children are with him.

Grandmashe43 Wed 05-Dec-18 12:46:04

Tee time, my thoughts and prayers are with your dear family at this sad time xx

eilyann Wed 05-Dec-18 12:50:14

Dear fil died after long illness Boxing day 1969. DF suddenly 27th Dec 1970. While our daughters were little we put on a good show - not that it was a show - we enjoyed every minute!But now that we are 20 years older than each of them when they died, we prefer Christmas Day quietly on our own --- then Boxing day at one or other of their houses all hell breaks loose!
teetime so sorry. You and your family are in my prayersflowers

annodomini Wed 05-Dec-18 12:54:29

Teetime, wishing you and your family a peaceful Christmas. And for all grans, I wish you the Christmas you wish for yourselves whether full of GC and fun or quiet and reflective by yourself or with a partner. I'll be with the family and hope to see most of the GC.

austin23 Wed 05-Dec-18 12:56:36

Dear Teetime💕😢 my thoughts are with you & your family my husband & I had the same issue my Father-in-law passed in his sleep 1 week today, it’s really hard arranging his funeral when all the shops are covered merry & bright! I’m not a bah hum bug person but My husband & I are spending a very quiet & reflective time this Xmas after the last 2 years of caring of elderly parents , god bless you all 🙏thanksthanks

allsortsofbags Wed 05-Dec-18 13:47:28

Thoughts and Hugs to anyone who is having a hard time and especially at this time of year.

OP as others have said worrying about our AC goes with the territory of being a parent and it is harder and more impactful at certain times of year, Christmas being one of those times.

Teetime wishing you and your family peace at this sad.

Also peace and kindness to anyone in a painful situations.

There are so many people with so many difficult life situations that trying to just get through the day is hard enough without the big Christmas fuss and expectations everywhere we turn.

Not having the Christmas or Christmases as we once had is a reality for lots of people and the best we can do is be kind to ourselves and those around us and get through the days.

It's A Day. It's a day and it has whatever meaning we choose to give it.

Sometimes it is hard when we have to change the value, meaning, significants we place on "The Day" harder still when those changes are not of our choice or in our control.

Many of those changes, be they in family relationships, bereavement, estrangement, hurt.

Dealing with hurt when expectations around Christmas are so high just puts us under more pressure.

I really, really do feel for anyone who has lost or os facing the loss of a loved one at this time of year because the pressure to be Jolly and Festive just makes things harder.

May all those who need a kind word, wise advice or support find what they need be it here on GN or among friends and family. Take Care all.

GabriellaG Wed 05-Dec-18 13:55:06

Never worry worry, till worry worries you.
Let them all get on with it. You fed clothed and nurtured them, saw them through education and into their adult years. You can't baby them forever and you can bet your bottom dollar that they're not thinking about or worrying about you.
If they're savvy, they won't make the same mistakes twice and will live life their way. If they stumble, let them pick themselves up. You worrying is not resolving it? Be realistic. Pay attention to yourself, your OH and indulge yourselves. Have fun and let them sort their own lives out.

vickya Wed 05-Dec-18 13:56:16

My best wishes and hugs too for those who have sad family situations around Christmas this year.

Some years I was not able to be with husband and then not with children either and one year I helped at Crisis and really enjoyed it. I met very nice people, the other helpers and also the clients. I was also a hospital radio dj for some years and did a radio programme over the Christmas season. I felt if I was not having a wonderful family time I might as well help make other people's Christmas better.

GabriellaG Wed 05-Dec-18 14:15:31

While it's very sad that some GNers are going through a traumatic time so near to a period of celebration for many, to berate others for posting 'trivia' is rather silly. Are we, who are not beset by worries, not allowed to be happy and frivolous in our remarks, or do we have to be sober and wear a mantle others wish to see us wear.
Whilst I commiserate with those going through difficulties of anyvand all kinds, it doesn't and shouldn't impinge on my outlook and excitement at the coming Christmas festivities.

GabriellaG Wed 05-Dec-18 14:16:59

any and blush

suttonJ Wed 05-Dec-18 14:21:41

Missfoodlove....I had the same experiences as you over the years. Pressure from mum to 'celebrate' exactly as she wanted. I have told my adult kids that I will never put that sort of pressure on them. If one is not religious, then 25 December is just a date on the calendar.
Enjoy each day in your own way.