and what did you give?

Witzend. A couple of years ago, I bought a rubber dinosaur, in a charity shop, for our youngest grandson. I thought that all children loved dinosaurs. But, no, he hated the roar and the red eyes. It has been on a high shelf waiting for him to decide that he likes it. Wonder how long that will be?

Our family all make wish lists on Amazon when they think of things throughout the year.It doesn’t mean that you have to buy them there, just gives you an idea of what they would like. (If bought elsewhere it can still be ticked off, so that they don’t get two.)
This makes buying for the men in my life so much easier and everyone is happy because they get something that they wanted. No complaints so far!

Ten years ago, I declared a Christmas present amnesty. I said that I wouldn't be giving anyone any presents and did not want any presents from anyone. It was the best thing as Christmas has been stress-free since then. I had to call it when my father-in-law gave his two daughters-in-law a book titled 'How to keep your house clean' or something similar. Of course I smiled politely and said thank you.

I definitely would not buy them anything next year as their comments were rude and ungrateful. I bought for someone this year (related) that I actually do not like very much but carefully selected something as I am not a mean person. I have not received any comments good or bad so at risk of upsetting the rest of the family will not bother next year. Manners cost nothing and can mean everything this person has once again proved themselves to not be worth the effort

Ah Watermeadow, such a shame your efforts weren't appreciated, what happened to accepting with good grace and being grateful, how very thoughtless of them. I would probably feel I wouldn't want to make the effort next time and just give a gift card or even cash so they can buy what they want with it, but it is sad really, as that's not what Christmas is about. All the best.

We told our family a few years that we didn’t want any presents from them but we wanted to continue buying presents for them (this last because my husband felt very strongly about it). The response has been interesting and some people took us at our word but a few have carried on giving us presents but of a more token kind, usually things to eat or drink which they know we’ll enjoy.

We give adult children and the older grandchildren money (transferred into any accounts) and buy presents suggested by parents for the younger children to reduce the chance of buying things not wanted or liked. It works well.

For me the giving and receiving presents at Christmas is very important. It is not, and never has been, a question of money or competition but it is about generosity in giving to people and the courtesy in receiving and I enjoy the wrapping and secrecy and imagining people's delight when they receive things they want.

This doesn't mean I do not insist on receiving wish lists, it means you buy what is wanted if you have no idea what to give. Yesterday DH's present wasn't on the list, but he knew my DAB radio had broken quite recently and I had said I would manage without it until after Christmas. I was right. There was a new one all packaged up with Christmas paper. DD found a book she knew would interest me in a second hand shop - and she was right.

I think Christmas is mainly for children. We give books to adults with an exchange card.

I'm lucky to live close to my Dd's and families who I see regularly. This year grandchildren have had a small token gift to open with a surprise 'voucher' inside... for one a trip to the theatre, for another 4, ski taster session and snow Park fun at an indoor ski centre and tickets to concert for her fav. band for eldest (shared birthday and Christmas present with parent) Checked prior to buying with parents to ensure these were suitable..... they loved them.

I totally agree with you Chewbacca! How absolutely disgusting to behave so ungraciously. I’m always grateful for everything I am given. I think people have become horrendous!

This is why we use Elfster, a Secret Santa online thing. You put in the names of everyone in the gift exchange & set a price limit for the gift. It picks the person you buy for. Eveyone has a wish list so you can browse the list and make sure you do not waste your time or money. You mark the item as purchased so no doubling but the recipient cannot see what has been purchased..so still an element of surprise!

I was always taught it was good manners to appreciate any gift that was given. My father in law once moaned about the gift I'd chosen and that was the last one I ever gave him. It's just plain rude and hurtful.

A close relative of mine said, as she handed over a bag of presents, ‘ I didn’t get you plastic tat this year, I Went ethical and got you wooden tat.’ I felt like saying, ‘ Well, my presents were really ethical in that I got you what I thought you would all like and included the receipts in case you didn’t.’

However, the ‘tat’ was stuff to unwrap and the real presents were fab things like vouchers for John Lewis, the temple of Mammon - so I very glad I held my tongue.

I do not think Christmas is only for children. I feel that Christmas is very much a family festival, which is what is behind the Christian message of Christmas. It is a time when we reach out to other people, in our family and otherwise and nothing shows that more than the giving and receiving of presents. It doesn't have to be anything expensive and I find that when I am not sure what to give food is always acceptable. I know the dietary tastes of all the recipients so they receive things that I know they will eat.

What an ungrateful family you have. I would never dream of insulting the giver with such comments! What happened to manners? Give them a selection box next year ?

I'm so pleased I don't do serious giving to adults at Christmas. I indulge children but only do frivolous bits of fun for the more mature. Works a treat and everyone seems decidedly content with the situation. I'm very happy to be in congenial surroundings with people I really care for. That's present enough for me and certainly was the case this year yet again.

I dispensed with "presents" 3 years ago and am mightily relieved. Instead; tickets for the panto on Friday, followed by a meal in a pizzeria, for all the family. No wrapping. No plastic to dispose of. Nobody disappointed at what they received. Just a gift to the whole family that everyone looks forward to and enjoys. Job done.

I would never ever complain about a gift i received, i get the same thing every year from one family member ,candles i have more candles in my house than i will ever use.
My DIL picked me up christmas pudding, don't have the heart to tell her i don't like christmas pudding.
My eldest son last year asked me to change one of his childrens presents as his mil had bought a similar thing what he wanted it changing for was much more expensive though, i was upset but never said it just changed it for what they wanted.

I have decided that next year I will only give presents to the grandchildren (they are only young). The adults have everything they want and if not they go and buy it themselves. I will select one or two local charities and donate to those instead. Problem of unwanted gifts solved!

this year I put a £10 limit on adults (£5 each or 10 per household) no limits on Gchildren worked fine (although dd went over budget with mine) vouchers for spa..but thats cos I have helped her out over the year ..

My children and I were talkin on Christmas night about when they were small and all remembered me saying to them’ I don’t care I you hate the present/ have six of them already, you say thank you politely, find something nice to say about the gift and we’ll swap it privately sometime later’ That stood me in good stead when as young teenagers, the in-laws decided to give them a large family bible each. I was very proud of their sincere sounding thanks.

next year make donations to a food bank or a local charity on each persons behalf and pop them a note inside the card saying thank you for your contribution to ......( whatever) and have done. If you have say a pet lover pop some food into local vet or SSPCA.
Works great for me.

My family all enjoyed their presents but the irony of joining DH and my introverted snob SIL to National Trust was lost on him.

Perhaps I should explain SIL is somewhat unreconstructed and was once heard to say NT members were a *bunch of middle class w***k**s' when we were members- now he is Tee Hee.