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AIBU

To be annoyed about the wedding plans?

(65 Posts)
neptune Fri 15-Mar-19 14:41:20

One of my friend's daughters is getting married in the summer. She's been talking about it incessantly since last March (when they got engaged) but now it's coming up the chatter has ramped up a notch (or 50!) I can understand the bride's enthusiasm, but she's like...motherzilla of the bride! We never speak about anything else. When I try to tell her something about my own life, she somehow manages to turn it round to something to do with the wedding. Example: I was talking about getting a gardener in April and she used this to start talking about the flowers in the bouquet. Holidays turn into honeymoons, what to have for tea turns into the wedding banquet. I'm happy for her of course, and I'll be at the wedding too which I'm looking forward to, but I can't go on like this for another 4 months. We see each other quite often (bookclub and bridge) plus our husbands are friends so we meet up occasionally on weekends. How do I make her stop? Or at the very least tone it down. Without offending her of course.

threesugars Fri 15-Mar-19 15:13:14

I had a friend like this who did not stop talking about her grandson. He was lovely and aren't we all proud grandmas? But there is a limit. One day I'd had enough and told her as kindly as I could that as much as I loved hearing about him I'd also like to talk about other things too. She didn't take it well and kept her distance for a bit but after a few months things started gradually getting better. I did ask after him every now and again (the first few times she was a bit huffy and abrupt about it) but now she only tells me about him when I ask. If you're feeling brave I definitely think honesty is always best.

Luckygirl Fri 15-Mar-19 16:40:40

Oh just let her enjoy it - it is once in a lifetime. Cut her some slack. [
smile]

Maggiemaybe Fri 15-Mar-19 17:21:22

I love a good wedding - wish I had one to help plan. smile Yes, it must get a bit irritating, neptune, but it's not that long now till Summer. Just grit your teeth and smile.

sodapop Fri 15-Mar-19 17:25:15

I'm with threesugars ask your friend to tone it down a bit. Sometimes people don't realise how tiresome they are being.

M0nica Fri 15-Mar-19 17:29:32

How about introducing subjects that cannot be turned round to being about the wedding. Global warming, pension rights, or make a game of it, think of more and more outlandish subjects - polar bears, mountain climbing, extreme sports and tally how many get turned to the wedding. She scores if she does so, you score if she cannot.

petra Fri 15-Mar-19 17:48:38

Neptune
I feel your pain. But at least yours has an ending where as mine is infinite.
One of my dearest friends has fallen in love. She is absolutely besotted. The inane chatter about him doesn't stop. I could be talking about the price of eggs in Tescos and I can see by her expression that she's just waiting for me to finish 🤦‍♀️
I get phone calls most evenings ( most I ignore) then get castigated the next time we speak.
I could drop her but we both volunteer for the same charity.
I have thought about telling her that it's driving me insane but she would be devastated if she thought she had upset me.

Nanabilly Fri 15-Mar-19 17:58:28

What I would try is when you first get together just open with "come on then, tell me all the latest wedding news" them once she has had her flurry move it on to what you want to talk about. If you are as good a friend as you say then let her have her excitement. It will be over very soon but just hope that a grandbaby does not pop out soon after.!!!!
I had a friend who drove me nuts when she had her babies.. She talked as if nobody had ever loved there babies as much as her ..I just put up with it and have her her moment or two and changed the conversation swiftly .. I wish she was here how-to drive me nuts about something but sad?y she died 4 years ago at a too young age .

Telly Fri 15-Mar-19 18:44:20

16 weeks - it will be over before you know it. Then there will be the patter of tiny feet and you can steer her here!

Grammaretto Fri 15-Mar-19 19:10:36

I have a friend who's obsessed with weddings. At last her DDs married and she was able to get it out of her system. Before that whenever she visited a castle or stately home she would talk about it as a wedding venue. Weird. I don't think you are being unreasonable.
I am feeling guilty now because I was desperate to show and tell another friend about my DGC. She actually smiled but said I was boasting which was true and though I apologised I realised she didn't really want to have to hear yet another detail of my life which has nothing to do with her.
hangs head

paddyann Fri 15-Mar-19 19:18:55

we have friends who only talk about their frequent holidays,want to show pictures of scenery etc.I'm not a country person and one hill and loch looks very much like the next.I've unfollowed tham on FB and we dont see them as often as we used to.I think sometimes people just move into different phases and interests change.Not a lot you can do,she'll be super excited about her wedding before AND after for while.If you dont want to listen the only way is tell her or stop seeing her .

neptune Fri 15-Mar-19 21:26:07

Yes, I see what some of you are saying. And I'm feeling quite guilty about not being more supportive. She is a good friend. I do feel that every time we meet up I set out with good intentions not to let it bother me but by the time I've heard about the bridal party's dresses for the 5th time I just lose my patience. Maybe I'll try your tactic Nanabilly and see how I get on. If not, I'll just have to grin and bear it. I think her feelings will be hurt if I address it directly much as I'd like to.

H1954 Sat 16-Mar-19 08:52:04

Hi Neptune,

Yes, I know that mode of conversion can be rather "trying" can't it?

Just a suggestion, how about on the next occasion this lady starts on about the wedding yet again why not respond with saying "oh dear, (her name) your head must be spinning with all this wedding stuff, however do you sleep at night, why don't we put it on the back burner and talk about something else for a change?"

I think it sounds polite and shows concern for her, do let me know what you think.

Good luck

annsixty Sat 16-Mar-19 08:58:39

You cannot change this type of person, I have been trying for 45 years with no luck.
I haven't cut this person out of my life as I know other people have but I now only see her 2/3 times a year, always with others, we speak on the phone but strangely my door bell rings after about 10 minutes into every conversation 😈

Washerwoman Sat 16-Mar-19 09:13:41

When we go out with a regular group of friends I now try to grab a seat not next to a friend who is like this ,as Paddyann said, about holidays.Likewise I started to use FB but endless holiday updates drove me away.I understand she is excited to be retired and is is far more comfortably off than DH and I will ever be and really that's great -seriously I'm a homeboy and love my dogs and garden so wouldn't go away much anyway even if we could.She is a lovely person but I can only take so much detail of where they have just been and the next trips they are planning.Howeverfor 20 years it was all about their DC ,schools and exams .I'm sure we're all guilty of monopolizing conversation at times but it's made me seriously check my own behaviour.Chucking in a comment about a recent TV programme,film or book is always useful - but doesn't always work.

inishowen Sat 16-Mar-19 09:14:51

I would let her talk about the wedding. It's a happy subject that she wants to share. My friend has no grandchildren and I have four. I try very hard not to talk to her about them, but sometimes they slip into the conversation!

PenJK50 Sat 16-Mar-19 09:15:47

There are always people like this in one’s circle of friends I find. They forget you have a life and only talk about theirs. It is trying to be with them but I’ve found no antidote yet as they immediately turn the conversation back to their experiences if you dare interject with a story of your own. The answer seems to be to lengthen the gap between seeing them so it ends up being an acquaintanceship rather than a friendship.

Hm999 Sat 16-Mar-19 09:17:19

DD was to be a bridesmaid and for nearly a year, there were relentless texts, emails, phone calls from bride. I was stressed by all this, never mind DD. Another bridesmaid dropped out and was never spoken to again by bride. After the day, nothing.

Esther1 Sat 16-Mar-19 09:21:29

Neptune - just let her enjoy it and she’ll value your friendship so much. At least you’re going to the wedding. She would be so embarrassed and upset if you said you were getting fed up with all the talk - it’s absolutely not worth even the smallest upset.

annsixty Sat 16-Mar-19 09:23:37

That is exactly what I have done Pen
We went out for lunch 3 weeks ago for a mutual friend's birthday and I said I was going to stay with my D the following week, this is a rare event due to life getting in the way.
While I was away she phoned for a chat and was amazed I wasn't home.
When I returned her call she had no idea I was going away.
This of course means she just never listens to anyone else.

palliser65 Sat 16-Mar-19 09:29:35

You'll have to tolerate it for months and the post wedding disection or stop seeing too muh of her. I've had 3 daughters married and the whole thing was very stressful and worrying as I wanted them to have a good time but it took over evrything. She's very lucky to have you to sound off to. My sympathies are with you as must be boring but just think how much fun the day will be. If I were you i'd make sure I had a bottle of Champagne to myself.

palliser65 Sat 16-Mar-19 09:31:58

You'll have to tolerate it for months and the post wedding disection or stop seeing too muh of her. I've had 3 daughters married and the whole thing was very stressful and worrying as I wanted them to have a good time but it took over evrything. She's very lucky to have you to sound off to. My sympathies are with you as must be boring but just think how much fun the day will be. If I were you i'd make sure I had a bottle of Champagne to myself.

MissAdventure Sat 16-Mar-19 09:34:05

You have my sympathies, Neptune.
I have a neighbour who takes every opportunity to talk 'at me' about every detail of her life, and it is very, very wearing.
I'm not sure what the solution is, but I think its really selfish of your friend.

ElaineRI55 Sat 16-Mar-19 09:37:47

I'm with M0nica - make it a game to keep your mind stimulated . Bite your tongue as it's only for a short time and maybe take it as a compliment that she considers you so close a friend, it's like talking to her sister about it all.
Enjoy the wedding!

Anja Sat 16-Mar-19 09:38:25

It’s sad that she has nothing else to talk about.