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AIBU

To be annoyed about the wedding plans?

(66 Posts)
neptune Fri 15-Mar-19 14:41:20

One of my friend's daughters is getting married in the summer. She's been talking about it incessantly since last March (when they got engaged) but now it's coming up the chatter has ramped up a notch (or 50!) I can understand the bride's enthusiasm, but she's like...motherzilla of the bride! We never speak about anything else. When I try to tell her something about my own life, she somehow manages to turn it round to something to do with the wedding. Example: I was talking about getting a gardener in April and she used this to start talking about the flowers in the bouquet. Holidays turn into honeymoons, what to have for tea turns into the wedding banquet. I'm happy for her of course, and I'll be at the wedding too which I'm looking forward to, but I can't go on like this for another 4 months. We see each other quite often (bookclub and bridge) plus our husbands are friends so we meet up occasionally on weekends. How do I make her stop? Or at the very least tone it down. Without offending her of course.

lovebeigecardigans1955 Sat 16-Mar-19 13:45:36

Would humour can help in situations like these? Could you listen patiently, then smile politely, and ask, " And what else is going on in your world besides the wedding?"
She may be a little non-plussed and may or may not get the message but at least try to be subtle rather than hurtful. You can but try.

lmm6 Sat 16-Mar-19 14:16:19

Some people only want to talk about themselves. I know a lot of people like this. I find it quite insulting actually. They may as well say, "Listen to me because I'm not remotely interested in you." Instead they go on and on and I find I switch off. I have one friend who I can honestly say knows nothing whatsoever about me. She doesn't ask me anything and I don't offer anything because I know she's not interested. I don't know why we're friends really.

Fronkydonky Sat 16-Mar-19 14:33:23

Unfortunately we all have a friend who isn’t interested in anything you have to say and according to them their life is so much more exciting and their child is the only child in the world that’s got a degree, a masters degree and a good career. Even when I wished to talk about losing my dad recently to her, she turned the conversation around to her own daughter and how lucky she is to have a promotion. She has no filter and is not interested in discussing anyone else’s life or problems they may have. My husband refuses to have coffee with her as he is sick to the back teeth of it. I really like the lady and I suppose I’m too polite to ask her to change the subject. I wish I could be that blunt, however I feel she’s living her life through her daughter’s achievements as she had another child very young and it stopped her furthering her own career. I can’t wait until her daughter starts wedding plans ? listening about her son’s wedding was bad enough. If you are like me you will just suck it up and hope that one day you may be able to have some input.

CarlyD7 Sat 16-Mar-19 15:01:13

I think it's nice to let her talk about the wedding BUT time limit it, and try not to make things worse by being so polite that she isn't given the opportunity to realise she's droning on about it too much. Or, in other words, limit the time she has available to bore you (let's be honest, that's what she's doing). So don't answer the phone to her; if you're in a group, make sure you don't sit next to her; make excuses if she wants to meet up (have a list handy!) and distract her whenever possible. You don't have to listen endlessly - just give her (say) 20 minutes, and then make sure you can go on to something-else. If she persists, then you'll have to put more space between you until after the wedding (when, of course, she'll want to discuss every detail of what happened !)

CarlyD7 Sat 16-Mar-19 15:03:24

Reading some of the messages, I have to wonder why we have these "friends" - they're not really friends are they if they're not the slightest bit interested in YOU? Maybe, time to start withdrawing and let them go - with love but firmly!

lmm6 Sat 16-Mar-19 16:10:32

Actually, CarlyD7, I’ve often thought that myself! But maybe I don’t show enough interest in other people so will definitely try harder from now on. Trouble is, my memory is hopeless and I can barely remember what people have told me. Then I struggle to remember whether I’m meant to be asking about their Mum, their grandson or their cat!

Catlover123 Sat 16-Mar-19 16:39:27

I'm with Lucky Girl, let her enjoy herself and hopefully it will stop soon enough!

sarahellenwhitney Sat 16-Mar-19 17:37:55

I do not believe that type of person realise how monotonous they sound. If, other than family history, you like her company then its grin and bear or end the friendship.

Onestepbeyond Sat 16-Mar-19 18:03:41

@neptune
It takes two to make a conversation-

you could just say yes yes yes yes yes that's interesting that -
smile
or say whilst carrying out a task I'm not ignoring you

- or just walk off smile

But you could carry on as you are

loopyloo Sat 16-Mar-19 18:18:45

Keep on trying to change the subject. She needs you to help her keep a sense of perspective. And yes she is probably very anxious so reassuring her might help too. And yes it would drive me mad.

RamblingRosie Sat 16-Mar-19 19:57:34

I have two sisters in-law who talk at me non stop. Actually that is not true, they stop to ask how I am and when I start to tell them they talk over me. One boasts about how successful her family are, the other jumps from one subject to another barely drawing breath. I have to take pain killers for a headache afterwards. The common denominator is that both of them live alone, so maybe I should be more tolerant grin or maybe my life and family are just not as interesting as theirs? The other annoying thing is that when I finally get their attention I start gabbling, as I know I only have a few seconds before they will start talking about themselves again!

lmm6 Sat 16-Mar-19 20:08:10

I agree. Sometimes I’m asked a question and the other person starts talking before I’ve managed to answer it. That’s probably why I often prefer my own company.

moonbeames Sat 16-Mar-19 23:21:36

As others have said, it will be over soon. And, I would turn it into a game, come up with all sorts of subjects and see if she can turn them into a wedding topic. If not score one to you, if she does score one to her. It will keep your mind busy and a bit of a laugh. cupcake

alchemilla Sun 17-Mar-19 14:23:20

I like moonbeames suggestion! I always remember my DM who had all sorts of adventures around the world in the Forties and Fifties, including a plane crash where she saved people, living in Africa. When she visited her MIL and SIL when home on leave, all they could talk about were what their neighbours were up to. They were simply not interested in her or her husband. Some people are just like that.

Ninjanana2 Mon 18-Mar-19 16:06:48

Just smile and absorb the pride she has. It's not going to last forever, be happy for her.?