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Are Postmen/Postwomen friendly, nosey or both?

(78 Posts)
Larsonsmum Tue 02-Apr-19 11:55:30

Who else thinks there is a very fine line between Postmen/Postwomen being friendly and being unacceptably nosey? We've recently had a new Postman in our rural area, and he's friendly, (which is nice), but he has now commented on several items of mail that we have received. I have numerous chronic illnesses/conditions and he's asked what is wrong with me, presumably due to the number of hospital letters he delivers. I'm not ashamed to say I have lots of illnesses, those someone else might be. He remarked on a Beer52 beer deliver and a Pong cheese delivery - both Christmas presents which come monthly for 3 months - saying "you like your luxury, don't you?" Today he had an M&S package and when I went to the door he said "you buy a lot, don't you?" Yes, I do, as I can't get out and about to shops! This M&S online order is larger size joggers in preparation for spinal surgery, then a hip surgery.

Believe me, our Posties often know more about us than family and friends!! Being rural, I know from experience that many of our post-people delivery a lot more than mail around the neighbourhood - gossip too!

If it persists, I may call Royal Mail, but at the same time we rely on our Postie to leave items in our designated safe places, so don't want to antagonise him, and end up driving a round trip of 26 miles to collect parcels.

EllanVannin Tue 02-Apr-19 12:05:08

My postie is lovely and has delivered all kinds of mail/parcels over the years and not once has he ever remarked. I never forget him at Christmas time.

H1954 Tue 02-Apr-19 12:06:28

Yes, it seems your postie is being over familiar and very nosey!

We have a few different ones and all are very polite and apologise if they're late on any day.

If I were in your position I think I might consider telling him I simply prefer to shop online next time he makes a comment.

Certainly don't rise to his prying comments, that way you can't be responsible of fuelling any neighbourhood gossip about yourself or anyone else.

maryeliza54 Tue 02-Apr-19 12:06:45

Oh dear - this does cross the boundaries doesn’t it? You’re right about the usefulness of leaving items in special places which they should not do at all and so can stop anytime they want. Round here our postman change more often than I change my sheets so I wouldn’t have to put up with this. Not helpful - sorry. Maybe just don’t respond at all to his comments and he might get the message?

NanaandGrampy Tue 02-Apr-19 12:09:31

I can honestly say since moving to a rural location we have found our postie to be not only a real star but a lifeline to some of the elderly on his route .

He makes time for a quick word if you need it , leaves our parcels securely and will take stamped mail to save a trek to the post box .

Maybe your postie is not so much being nosey but just making conversation . Maybe by knowing you have some health problems he would have an idea you might be in trouble if he didn’t see you .

We certainly found ours to be far friendlier than thenpostie on our previous inner city route .

If his questions offend you just smile and don’t comment .

1inamillion Tue 02-Apr-19 12:26:25

Your postman does seem to be overstepping the mark with these comments and I would have a word with him. I would ask him not to comment on the nature of my deliveries and remind him that my purchases are keeping him in a job. If that doesn't work then and only then would I ring Royal Mail.
Our postman is lovely, helpful and friendly. He knows that he can leave certain family members packaged with us and vice versa. We give him a 'box' at Christmas too like youEllanVannin

Gonegirl Tue 02-Apr-19 12:30:21

I think you should ignore his remarks. Just take your items, thank him with a smile, and close the door. Don't get into any whys and wherefores with him.

Smacks a little bit of bullying to me. Are you elderly? Would he speak like this to a younger person?

aggie Tue 02-Apr-19 12:32:12

I think he is just being friendly , rural posties are often the only person to be in continuous contact with the elderly and a bit of banter lightens their day and makes his job more interesting . I have to soften up new postmen , and they end up friends , knowing to deliver parcels at the back instead of dragging me to the front door

Bathsheba Tue 02-Apr-19 12:38:16

He is certainly being over-familiar, but I can't honestly see that it's bullying confused.

I wouldn't engage him in conversation in any way, and definitely wouldn't feel obliged to tell him why I have so many hospital appointments - that really is none of his business! Just take your post, smile, and say thank you. Nothing more is needed. With any luck he'll get the message,

Gonegirl Tue 02-Apr-19 12:44:23

Bathsheba, I can. smile

Bathsheba Tue 02-Apr-19 12:54:26

Gonegirl I think you have a different view of bullying from mine. According to Wikipedia, Bullying is the use of force, threat, or coercion to abuse, intimidate or aggressively dominate others. I don't see any evidence of 'force, threat or coercion' in the OP's description of her postie's behaviour smile

Gonegirl Tue 02-Apr-19 13:00:25

I have my own of the different kinds of bullying. I don't go to Wikipedia for them. smile hmm

Gonegirl Tue 02-Apr-19 13:00:38

own views

lemongrove Tue 02-Apr-19 13:45:23

I think the advice given here to simply smile if he comments, take the parcel and quickly go inside is the best idea.
He may think ( rightly or wrongly) that householders he meets like a chat.

shysal Tue 02-Apr-19 15:10:28

My regular postman is wonderful as are the other men and women in the gang. He insisted on cutting the top of next door's Leylandii hedge which I couldn't reach even with my long hedge trimmer. I only mentioned it in conversation and was embarrassed that he felt he should offer. I often see him doing odd jobs in the village and know that he refuses payment. A relief postie picked up my elderly neighbour when she toppled off a ladder, took her indoors and cleaned her up before coming for me to take her to the doctor/hospital.
The only comments on the contents have been Council Tax increase and Premium Bond letters which he recognized as he had similar ones in his own post.

KatyK Tue 02-Apr-19 15:11:41

It seems a bit much. Ours is a miserable so and so.

M0nica Tue 02-Apr-19 16:02:23

What is a regular postman? We haven't had one of those for years.

callgirl1 Tue 02-Apr-19 17:08:11

Ours knows to open the back door and toss any packages inside if I don`t answer the door or take a long time to get there. He`s only a young man, but very polite and friendly.

sodapop Tue 02-Apr-19 17:34:55

He sounds a little over familiar but if you don't engage with him he will get the message. Better to be like that than miserable and uncommunicative. Post men can be a lifeline to people on their own as N&G said , some people are just interested in their fellow man.
( Postperson ? )

merlotgran Tue 02-Apr-19 17:49:18

We had one like that years ago. She was not just nosey and outspoken but if you didn't nip her intrusive chatter in the bud she'd talk a glass eye to sleep. It was a happy day when she retired.

The best thing to do is ignore them. Politely receive your mail and close the door. I wouldn't hesitate to complain though if you feel the personal intrusion is out of order.

jaylucy Tue 02-Apr-19 17:53:43

Next time he makes a comment , say just "Yes" or "Looks like it, doesn't it". Thank him and shut the door!

bluejay29 Tue 02-Apr-19 18:59:38

I have had several different postmen in the last few months.. A couple of them have remarked at how many parcels I have and I have found myself explaining what sort of stuff I am ordering from ebay etc as I can't always go out shopping due to my bad knee. They were not very sympathetic and I am left feeling guilty even though its their job!!

Scribbles Tue 02-Apr-19 19:16:02

Any more comments about how much stuff you buy and you could try pointing out that delivering it all is keeping him in a job!

Mapleleaf Tue 02-Apr-19 19:48:53

Best just to smile and say thank you when he delivers your parcels and leave it at that. You don't have to explain anything if you don't want to.
Bullying? No, I dont agree with that, just over stepping the mark somewhat.

Tuppnce Tue 02-Apr-19 19:51:20

But don’t let him paint your toenails (unless you feel the urge!) gringrin