Gransnet forums

AIBU

DIL not pulling her weight

(36 Posts)
janeayressister Tue 16-Apr-19 18:52:45

I was astonished by the utter entitlement of your awful in laws.
Next time they try and attempt to stay, you and your DH might think of developing a mysterious illness that demands that you have to leave immediately for a warmer climate. Lol
Otherwise you need to practice saying “ NO” What a cheek!!!!

paddyann Tue 16-Apr-19 18:51:58

sounds like you dont actually LIKE any of them..so why did you let them stay with you? Maybe ,just maybe she told her mother the truth about the bar job and told you a different story to avoid dropping your son in it!
You should never listen to one side of a story where a marriage is concerned and you should never take sides ....ever.Its their marriage ,their business so keep out of it.Dont have her family if you dont want to and keep your distance if you dont like your sons choice of wife.His loyalty is with her ...not you .

ClareAB Tue 16-Apr-19 18:43:48

Thanks guys. You're all right. I know there's no magic solution apart from gritted teeth and wine smile
Another highlight was after dinner, homemade quiche, the mother asking
'I'm not being funny, but did you make the pastry or was it shop bought?'
When I said shop bought,
she replied' why? pastry is soooo easy, I just chuck it all in a bowl' I could have slapped her...

crazyH Tue 16-Apr-19 18:34:14

Not worth it Clare - you will lose your son. Bite your tongue ....all the best xx

Scribbles Tue 16-Apr-19 18:32:09

Not much help, I know, but it's when I read things like the OP that I realise how glad I am that neither OH nor I have any close family so this kind of thing can't happen.

For sure, I would have told DiL what I really think long before now!

Poppyred Tue 16-Apr-19 18:24:23

Keep your mouth shut but say NO if there is a next time! She will know why.

Urmstongran Tue 16-Apr-19 18:21:13

Some people eh?

maddyone Tue 16-Apr-19 18:20:17

Never agree to host her parents again.

phoenix Tue 16-Apr-19 18:07:38

They all sound utterly charming. NOT.

notanan2 Tue 16-Apr-19 18:04:26

Keep things simple in fiture so there is less scope for annoyance.

You wont change her so just make the type of plans where you wont end up picking up the slack

ClareAB Tue 16-Apr-19 17:55:22

My DIL asked if her parents could come and stay with us for a few nights over Mothers day as space is an issue in my son and DIL house. She assured me that it was simply a case of supplying a bed, that they would be out all day returning in the evening fed. Yes, I said, they can bring their dogs if you like...
The week they were due I was below par, with what later turned into a nasty kidney infection. My DIL was aware and reassured me that it would be fine, I wasn't to worry about hosting...
The reality was somewhat different. The first night her parents arrived after a 300 mile journey they went straight to DIL house to discover no dinner and in fact they had to go shopping and cook.
DIL has one child aged 2 and is a stay at home mum.
Days 2,3,4 and 5 my DH and I ended up feeding and hosting DIL parents and on 2 of those days my son, DIL and GD as well. None of them lifted a finger.
One of the DIL parents dogs was awful, it was tiny, loud and aggressive. bit my DH several times and terrorised their other dog and our Labrador who became very stressed. DIL parents seemed amused by this bratty dog and did nothing to stop her. A distressing incident occurred when the bratty dog went for the other dog, who provoked, went for her. He got hit, hard, hid under the coffee table and my DIL shoved him her foot when he was too scared to come out. As dog lovers and owners we found this really distressing.
DIL mother kept criticising my son, which made me cross and there were several occasions where she said things that my DIL had told her that were simply untrue. EG. DIL told her that she'd like to get a part time job in a bar, but my son won't let her. DIL had told me that she couldn't work in a bar or restaurant as she had been told by the doctor she couldn't do a job that meant being on her feet as she has 'weird legs and feet'
I told the mother this who was very surprised..
I am so cross with my DIL right now. She is 37 years old, not so young, and is simply useless. I'm resenting her laziness, her sense of entitlement and her lying.
There is a lot more history over the last 7 years...and I have kept my mouth shut.
But, I'm worried that I am going to lose it with her one day and say things that should stay unsaid.
How do I swallow this anger and get over it?