Fallen out with a friend

I think your friend is being unreasonable here. I wouldn't want a 'friend' who treated me that shabbily.

You’re probably right notanan

Oh dear you poor thing it's horrible falling out with a friend. You couldn't afford the extra cash, she changed the plans , you've been honest about it and she should be more understanding. Mind you rattling around in Rome all day on your own doesn't sound a lot of fun. I fell out in somewhat similar circumstances to a friend I'd known for thirty years . We sort of made up but ended up having an argument about her dubious politics . We've not spoken since. It's a pity and though we have known each other a long time I wouldn't say we were close . Do you still want to be friends with this person ? Has it left a hole in your life ? Is she worth the hassle ? If no, then don't "sweat it" get on with your life and your other friends.

I expect it's a question of how much one can deal with and how important the friendship is... none of us are perfect we all upset friends and family, unintentionally sometimes, through thoughtlessness etc If the treatment from said friend is causing unhappiness rather than mere irritation it is probably best to say good bye.

Don't let her get off scot free blaming you! Why not email or write to her explaining your side? She won't want to take on board her fault, but say how angry you are with HER b/c you have lost your flight money b/c SHE altered the arrangements and that you never want anything to do with her again!!

She asked you for the weekend when she is not working so that suggests that you were to spend the time together. Otherwise, if you were to do your own thing during the day you could be there with her when she is working. It all sounds very strange.
Even if she is paying for the extra days accommodation, she had already decided to do that, so I would expect her to cover that. ( I don’t discount that the firm might be paying for the full week as she could argue a full week s/c would be cheaper than the 5/6/nights in a hotel. )
I would expect to share the cost of most meals, perhaps paying for one as a thank you.
The last minute remembering about her DH’s husband is also strange.
Eglantine, you have nothing to reproach yourself about. If she is still angry so be it. You might find it hurtful, but it will also have revealed what sort of ‘friend’ she is.

This is easy. Your friend is totally out of order, in fact, she has a bloody cheek in treating you in this way. You simply say that you are unable to attend the weekend as something has cropped up and bury this one in the water so that you can carry on doing your thing with no more anxiety about friend-loyalty. If she pushes for more info tell her straight that the arrangements have changed so much you can not meet with the logistics. Frankly, I think she is awful to do that to you.

It wasn't a holiday that you had planned together. She had already booked the accommodation from Friday to Friday without knowing whether or not you'd be able to go with her. She then offered for you to go for the first few days, before she started working. I certainly wouldn't have expected to pay the accommodation, as she'd already decided to book that anyway, and I certainly wouldn't have expected her to ask me to pay for it, as it was her decision! Whilst I would've been more than happy to offer to pay for one nice meal as a thank you for being invited, I certainly wouldn't have expected to pay for all of your evening meals out ... Rome isn't exactly cheap, and could easily have run up a massive bill! I think it was a downright cheek for her to even suggest it! And the issue of you having to make your own way to the airport, and have the added expense of a hotel, after she had explicitly offered for you to stay with her overnight and get taken to the airport by her husband is, quite frankly, way out of order! I'd definitely drop her an email and tell her that it's a shame your friendship has suffered due to this, but I'd have to point out all of the above details and let her know, without any uncertainty, how upset you are about the way she has treated you, and tell her you feel like she has used you, probably just because she was at a loose end for a few days. She OFFERED for you to go with her, it wasn't something you'd planned together, and she never suggested that you'd have to pay for her accommodation which she had already booked, when she asked you to go. Be open with her, and if she can't see her failings, then let it be. Friends like that are not worth having.

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Oh my goodness I cannot believe what gransgash has just said! HOW could anybody think the OP is being unreasonable?

Eglantine...I would cancel and not give it another thought! Who needs friends like this? Who needs comments like this either?

Your friend is being totally unreasonable as far as I can see. Changing goal posts, expecting you to travel alone, spend time on your own and then pay for the privilege of her company in the evenings? Nah...I don't think so! Ditch her pdq

It's great pity you and your friend have had this misunderstanding. It's not an occasion for apologies but if she is a reasonable person she would welcome a calm mutual explanation. I have not worded this very well but maybe you could do it the way you and your friend usually talk to each other.

Some friend she is\!?!? she moved the goal posts so it is all down to her, don't stress too much, it isn't as though you DON'T want to go, you can't afford to.

I expect your friend has realised just how expensive meals and wine will be in Rome.
So sorry it hasn't turned out well.

I would have acted exactly the same as you EglantineI need to know what I m doing and not at all good if goal posts keep getting changed Once she changed the Friday night I think I would have wanted to say no thanks and I really truly think she has had a better offer because to change from ‘ having fun together’ to just meeting up at the evening meal is not on, it might not be a man but perhaps she’s learned some work mates are going early too and you have become superfluous
You are not in the wrong at all, try and put it behind you and hopefully concentrate on friends who would care about you
She’s not your friend
You are not in the wrong
Shame about the airfare I hope it wasn’t too much