Fallen out with a friend

I suppose I was thinking we’d each pay our own way.

Yet you hadnt budgeted on paying for 50% of the cost of the weekend

But surely there is no other “cost of the weekend” notanan unless I am missing something. Elgantine was buying her own flights, happy to pay halves for food etc. The so called “friend” was getting the accommodation via her work so wouldn’t cost her anything (again unless I am missing something) ?

The friends work isnt paying for the acvomodation until the Monday. Op and friend were tagging a holiday on before the work week started. Op expects friend to pay for her accomodation Sat-mon morning, then split food bills 50/50.

However even if the accomodation was free through someones work, I would want to "thank" them and by footing the food bill anyway. Like if staying at a friends house & you go out for a meal, or offering to bring the groceries if joining a friend at their own holiday home

She dumped you because its her husbands birthday? Does she only see him once a year on his birthday.........She is no friend.

Yes buy a gift and pay halves, maybe buy an extra round of drinks, some extra wine, whatever ? But you wouldn’t pay for all the food (and presumably the drinks to go with it) for the entire 3 days would you ? Or would you ? In Rome of all places which I don’t think will be cheap?

Well gilly if you dont want to compensate that way, offer to pay your share of the accomodation, THEN split food 50:50

She dumped you because its her husbands birthday? Does she only see him once a year on his birthday.........She is no friend.

Or.
She was happy to share a family birthday with OP until she found out what OP really thinks of her, i.e. percieved as the better off friend who should foot the bill

Eeek, I think it might be a bit of a cultural mismatch. My somewhat mixed upbringing means I still get it wrong on some of the cultural norms.

I can see it could be an reciprocal expectation for some people. It would have been the opposite in my adoptive parents culture, an invitation given was an invitation to everything, nothing expected and I suppose I’ve sort of settled halfway in pay your own way.

She did say about the stay over before she said about the food but perhaps I’d miffed her by not offering.

I wouldn’t have gone though if I’d known because it would have put it out of budget.

The apartment was presumably paid for by her company or she could put it on her own expenses and offset it against tax. I don't think she will be funding the extra three 'holiday nights' herself!

She has used you because she wanted company over the weekend and now has changed the arrangements.

a cheap, chill out break and a chance to have a great time”
It doesn't sound cheap nor very chilled out.
It's a pity you have lost your air fare over this but I think you are right, she has changed the arrangements, and I don't think you shouldn't worry about losing a friendship with someone like that.

It is very upsetting, though.

Her meals from the Friday to Monday would be on expenses too - so she wanted you to fund her meal bill for the weekend!

Think so, and thats on both of you, money issues should be discussed upfront and not assumed.

You both messed up and ended up upset

People do notice if offers arent forthcoming. Had you offered to pay the parking or petrol costs for being dropped at the airport etc the meal thing might not have been an issue

notanan the OP hasn't actually said the apartment is being funded by her friend's employer only from the Monday, just that her expense account doesn't kick in until then.

It's entirely possible that the apartment was only available to book on a weekly basis, i.e. Friday to Friday, so the employer is paying for the full cost, but expecting that the friend would be there only from Monday to Friday. So she's perhaps taking advantage of the extra days free of charge and invited Eglantine to join her.

I do feel that as she is the one to have changed the arrangements, then it is she who has compromised the friendship. Eglantine YANBU at all in my opinion.

Where do you guys all work?

I get expenses for trips but it is literally for the duration of the conference. I can extend my trips but at my own expence.

No way would a weekend added on be on expenses it just wouldnt fly

I'm sorry but this lady outlines a scenario of traveling together and enjoying a flat for a few days. She then changes arrangements and wants you to pay for meals?

It's therefore ruined and her loss.

It's entirely possible that the apartment was only available to book on a weekly basis, i.e. Friday to Friday

I would in that case get 5/7th of the cost of it back if that is the accomodation I chose to book.

I guess you lot all have more generous employers than me.

Expenses doesnt = go all out at my work. It covers the minimum.

Seriously where do you all work where you get free tagged on holidays before/after work trips? Maybe I need a new job!

It could, of course, be this woman's own business and she could offset the lot against tax notanan

I think I would have been taken aback at the change in arrangements, especially at the additional cost of getting to the airport. Sharing at least some of the expenses when you got there is another matter.
If a so-called friend did that to me I'd be quite upset. I think this friend should have made all the arrangements clear at the beginning and if they needed to be changed should have talked it over with you.

It could, of course, be this woman's own business and she could offset the lot against tax notanan

We also have a family business and there are limits to what you can claim back without putting yourself on shakey ground.

I think you have been completely used! Tell her where to stick her holiday! You don’t need friends like that!

It probably would have been better if the cost of meals, drinks and airport transfers had been discussed right from the outset Eglantine but the fact that itwasnt, is as much as fault as yours. If it mattered that much to her, she should have laid her cards on the table right from the start. As it is, it appears that your "friend" was hoping to have her flights, airport transfer and accommodation all paid for by work and you pay for all the meals. I don't believe for one minute that the 3 holiday nights won't be chalked up to expenses; she won't be out of pocket at all for that. The only reason that I can see for her being upset is because she'll have to put her own hand in her pocket and pay for her meals for 3 days and she won't be able to claim those back on expenses. Tough.

notanan I don't agree with you view at all.

The alternative OP is to find budget/hostel accomodation and do a solo "on a boot strap" trip with the flights you booked?

Chewbacca what field do you work in? Intrigued @ all these posters who donf have to itemise/account for all the expenses they claim.

I think the friend doesnt want you to go any mors anyway and rather than say so outright has just made it logistically difficult, which is wrong. But sounds like communication was always a bit lacking in the friendship anyway.

OP look into bootstap trip ways to use your flights. Convents can provide very cheap lodgings for people who dont like hostel environments. Also university halls outside of term time.

Look into it. There may be very cheap ways to usd your flights anyway and do your own thing

Also look into private car/driver to take you to the airport.

Sounds extravagant but can actually sometimes work out cheaper than public transport or parking or airport hotels so get some door to door quotes before you give up on the flights/trip.

Places like Rome are ideal for solo trips as you wont be bored or feel alone

Why? Eglantine has explained that she doesn't drive at night, would have to stay overnight near the airport etc etc.

How odd to encourage her to go and perhaps bump into the friend at a café or tourist spot.