Fallen out with a friend

I work in the field of finance notanan. That's how I know.

Good grief, it gets worse.
This is not a fortnight's holiday, it's a three day trip!
private car to the airport??

This would not be on expenses.

I suspect that you have simply got crossed wires. If your friend is having to pay for the extra three nights accommodation, then I would have expected to pay half or, pay for the meals. As for ‘doing your own thing’ during the day, I would expect your friend to be spending time with you, not leaving you on your own, having invited you for the weekend. I would have thought it reasonable for you to think you would be spending the days together. These are all things that should have been agreed long before you agreed to go and had paid for your flight. As for the birthday with her husband, she should have remembered that but, if she apologised, I suppose that is reasonable. I don’t see how you have spoiled her holiday if she was not expecting to spend time with you.
Where you go from here depends on how much you value your friendship.

Maybe I should have a career change then!

Its not how it works in my field. Expenses all have to be accounted for!

*Good grief, it gets worse.
This is not a fortnight's holiday, it's a three day trip!
private car to the airport??*

This would not be on expenses.

It was a suggestion to the OP about how she can use her flights by switching plans & doing a solo trip!

As I say, "private car" SOUNDS extravagant so people often dont even get quotes, but it can actually work out cheaper than other methods of airport transport.

We just had a quote.

and it would not be on expenses.
so it's the bus for us.

I wouldn’t go alone notanan. The whole point for me was to spend some time with her. To be honest even the cost of the break as it was suggested stretched my finances. I think my vision was three days of pasta!

Interestingly, going back to one of your earlier posts, to stay with a friend and bring food would have been the ultimate insult to my mother.

Well there’s a lesson learned. That is if anyone ever asks me again.........

Callistemon, you get free weekend trips as well as actual work expenses on your employer too? Wow I REALLY picked the wrong job!

Time for a change then notanan
Actually, you could find a job which provides a private jet, even more convenient.

Ok, I’ll see if I can make peace but I still have to say I can’t afford it...

Interestingly, going back to one of your earlier posts, to stay with a friend and bring food would have been the ultimate insult to my mother.

Interesting, but also avoided with good communication from the offset, as you said yourself.

A straightforward "how do you want to do expenses like food/petrol?" opens the floor, and if they feel like their contribution is the accomodation that will quickly come to light, likewise if they are of the "you are our guest I wont hear of it" variety, then you will know to just be gracious and accept.

I dont understand your reply Callistemon, are you saying you can or cant tag on a weekend break to work trips and claim it all back? Sorry Im not reading the tone of the text

If you were really good friends, I don’t think this situation would have ever arisen. It sounds like she has very little consideration for you , she must know you dislike night driving, but expects you to make your own arrangements, real friend fall over themselves trying to pay for everything, not try and wriggle out of paying for anything.
I would never treat any of my friends so unkindly, and I’m quite sure, none of my friends would treat me like it

real friend fall over themselves trying to pay for everything OP isnt Sara

Egaltine, if you can't afford it, you can't afford it....end of.

£500 on a break you don't want to go on with somebody who doesn't value you and frankly seems to have her own issues....... no way.

Precisely.

Precisely

Precisely what?

Cultural difference are a red herring. She has messed you about.

Precisely what Lily65 posted.

The friend was going on the Friday anyway wasn’t she? So she would have paid three days’ accommodation in any case. Im sure you would have paid for your own meals when you were there but it was a bit of a blow to be let down about the overnight stay at the “friend’s” house and then tombe to,d you were funding all the meals. I wouldn’t want that friendship to continue if it were me. It’s a real shame about the flights though. Sorry Eglantine, you have every right to be annoyed.

notanan2 are you sure you aren’t the friend?! you seem to be the only one who thinks the OP is unreasonable . I thing friend is “. ‘Avin’ a laugh!”

I wouldn’t bother to try and make up, you’re better off out of it

I am firmly on your side Eglantine and wonder if this friend has been duplicitous in the past?

Taken as you stated it, your friend had arranged transport for you both to the airport with her husband.

I can see no reason why, if you are such close friends as to be invited on holiday, you could not also have been included in the birthday celebration and thus keep the transport to airport arrangement as they were.

The fact that she then expected you to drive through the night (did she know about your poor night vision?) and go to the extra expense of accommodation etc is appalling.

I don't believe for a moment she had forgotten the birthday. Nor do I think these are the actions of a friend.

Rather than getting angry, did she offer to pay the unexpected expense from the loss of your ticket?

You see, if she were being honest with you, she would NOT have been angry but apologetic and saying how sorry she was that her change of plan had inconvenience you and cost you money.

Sadly she knows you well enough to think she can use you and then, when it doesn't work, has the gall to try and blame you for HER faults. No friend at all.

I'm so sorry you have been denied a happy break as well as losing your money but you are not in any way to blame, so PLEASE top feeling guilty or you are playing into the hands of a very selfish person.

BradfordLass
That is spot on!

I have paid regard to notanan because I could see that my friend might have been thinking the way notanan does. In which case the withdrawal of the stayover was a kind of payback to me.

I suppose I thought she was being kind and offering me a cheap break because I’m a bit in dire straits financially with having to rent and wouldn’t be going away otherwise.

I’ve just tried to speak to her but she is very angry with me. She actually said that I had lots of money from the sale of my house and should use some of that. I do need the money to buy another house though. It’s not for spending. In fact the cost of the move and the fact that three purchases have fallen through is why Im so strapped.

Oh damn,damn.