Friens booked surprise concert. Don't want to go.

Thanks again ladies. I have thought about this problem for days and it was so helpful to be able to ask for advice on Gransnet.

Oh dear, what an awkward situation for you.

Were I in your shoes, I would go, with earplugs this time and try to enjoy the meal and company but afterwards tell her that these concerts give you such a headache (in all sense of the word, so you'll not be fibbing) and could she please let you know in advance if she plans something like that again. Emphasis you very much appreciated the thought and gesture but.......

I am sure she would be mortified to know her kindness has caused such distress.

Good morning!
As you can tell I am lying awake thinking about this. Yes it's very very awkward and perhaps if I was a bit braver/assertive it wouldn't have happened.
I think its risky booking something for others but thats not my reason for not wanting to go. I physically don't feel able to enjoy it. And a concert with earplugs is never going to be really enjoyable. I'm rambling. Think I'll try to get back to sleep.

I like a phrase which I've learned from reading Mumsnet posts - just say " I'm sorry but that won't work for me". That is all you have to say . Just 8 words and move on.

Annep1, you are procrastinating, putting off the dreaded deed! Tell her today and you can get some sleep.

Good advice from SpringyChicken

Yes, good advice. I shall endeavour to sort this later as nicely as possible.

Just imagine all of us gently standing behind you, giving you a little shove.

I've posted on here about things I've struggled with, and that has really helped.

?. It really does help MissAdventure.

A few years ago I went with some people at work to a bowling alley. We had hired a minibus. I have a hearing problem, and the 'music' was so loud it hurt me. I went into the cloakroom to escape, but the music was in there as well. So I spent the evening sitting on the kerb in the car park. I vowed then I would never again be forced to do something I didn't want to. Even though some of them called me an old grouch!

We're with you annep!
Mind you, I'm very brave on paper but I'd probably be still dithering like you
But we'll all be supporting you whatever you decide to do (or sitting with you with our ear defenders on at the concert).

Be honest! She is aware of your problem with loud noise so really should not be expecting you to go with or without earplugs!
You can at least go to the meal , there is no reason that you and your husband have to go to the concert if you don't want to and know you won't enjoy it. If she is any kind of friend, she will understand and support you even if she is disappointed. Time to break that "always done what she wanted" cycle.

Crystaltipps: So lie then? Hmmmm.

It sounds like she thinks whatever she wants to do you should fit in with. I think you need a power shift in the relationship. We all need to be sensitive to other people’s needs and not just push forward with our own agenda.

oh dear! friends for all these years, and she doesn`t know you? I find that strange. perhaps that is why I don`t have many friends.

Oh annepl, I agree with Bridgeit, stella1949, & other GNs here. I think that one of the benefits of being older is feeling able to say "no" to things you really do not want to do. Especially when these things are visited upon you by others! (Hopefully it will also prevent the "friend" from ever doing this to you again.) My advice is to do it today! Please let us know how it turns out for you.....

Good Lord - someone has more money than sense, buying tickets without checking you'll 'love' it! Agree with the other posters, tell her that you just can't enjoy these loud events any more.

I think you have to go, mainly because you decided - for the very nicest of reasons - to tell a white lie about enjoying it last time. But after this time tell her "I am not enjoying these things as much as I used to, I guess we all change as we get older" Hopefully she will bear that in mind when she draws up her next guest list.

Oops sorry I didn't read your first post correctly. You didn't pretend it was lovely after all. Then you can say no with a clear conscience.

If she's your "best and oldest friend", I don't really understand why it's so difficult to be straight with her? A best friend will not want you to do anything which makes you miserable and causes you pain. Just tell her!

We love our friends for many and varied reasons - not one of them is perfect? Not everyone gets it right every time. Some never seem to get it right but we love them and want them in our lives anyway!
If this situation is likely to reoccur you just need to weigh up the pros and cons. How unpleasant will attending be? How relieved will you be if you don’t attend? How about “ I’m really looking forward to the meal but after much thought we’re going to give the concert a miss. My hearing problem is at a stage when continued loud noise is very uncomfortable even with earplugs.”

What’s with all the passive aggressive nonsenses on here!
Just tell her you would love to come to the meal but the concert really isn’t your type of thing and would she like to give the tickets to someone else instead of them going to waste!
There! Easy!

I presume as she's your 'best and oldest' friend that she would know what your likes& dislikes are? But maybe this is something you enjoyed together when you were both much younger perhaps?so you need to tell her you've outgrown these types of concerts,but that you would love to join her for the meal beforehand,but she can pass your concert ticket on to someone maybe younger& more appreciative of it ? Make sure she knows those concert days are behind you,& not to ask you again?maybe suggest a cinema or shopping trip or something next time?

warn her in good time about not attending the concert ( whatever reason you choose!) but go to the meal, she will have plenty of time to give the tickets to someone else. no point in avoiding the whole event

That's why honesty is the best policy.
If you tell someone that you like or have enjoyed something...10-1 you'll get more of the same.