Friens booked surprise concert. Don't want to go.

I would go to the nice meal but not the show, I have tinnitus so always avoid anything to noisy, so know how you feel I would explain to your friend saying how grateful you are for her kindness but that the loudest would upset your ears for weeks I’m sure she would understand.

It’s your best friend’s ‘special anniversary’ and she’s arranged a meal, a concert and a hotel for a group of 10 friends. How lovely!
You told her you liked the previous concert, so she has no reason to think you won’t enjoy this. She probably thinks that warning you about taking ear plugs will solve the difficulties you encounter, as you have not told her otherwise.
It’s a shame you haven’t told her your true feelings, however what’s done is done!
She may well be hurt if you decline to go and others may also follow suit, preferring to stay in the hotel with you, leaving her with a very half hearted special celebration!
I would go this time but make it clear as someone else suggested, that you really are not enjoying these concerts as much as you used to and ask her to please not buy any more concert tickets for you in future with out checking with you first.
You can buy silicone earplugs that mould to the shape of your outer ear which really do block out the majority of the noise including building work and drilling etc and are even water tight, so I’m wondering if you just don’t enjoy it, rather than it being solely a problem with your ears and loud noise? I’m wondering if your husband is also putting pressure on you, not to go?
I’m all for honesty, however I would pick your time and a special celebration may not be the best time. I speak from experience as we fell out with one of my closest friends of nearly 30 years over a special occasion and we haven’t been able to rekindle our relationship since!
Good luck, whatever you choose. Please let us know how it goes?

Still reading through all the new comments. Oh dear people are thinking all sorts and its impossible to answer everyone. Sorry, I have everyone wondering what strange illness I have! I have CFS but I don't like to mention it as many people are sceptical about it. But its really not easy to live with. Noise sensitivity is part of it for me and my energy level is low with a lot of time recovering from activity and also a lot of pain from fibromyalgia. I know some think I'm a spoilsport but I can assure you when I feel able I go to concerts, theatre, orchestra. Not overly noisy ones though. My husband plays in a local amateur group. We are still young at heart!
I have rung and friend is not at home. Have left message that I will ring later. ?
They are very nice people. My husband will still go to the concert.

Either do both parts or neither. You could plead a clash of dates and take her out for a meal another time.........?

Why are people so afraid of speaking the truth, especially to friends. If all of you, or the ones who hated the concert last year, had told her that it wasn't their thing then she probably wouldn't have booked it again, If she still went ahead, you could have refused to go as she had been warned.

Or you can just attend the first 5 minutes then troop out to the bar with the others who aren't enjoying it and maybe then she'll get the hint. Personally, I love all live music except for heavy opera or weird jazz stuff.

Good morning everyone.
Well I told my friend and she said not to worry, she knew it was a lot to ask. And she would be happy if I could be there for a part of their special day.
I know some of you must think I made a mountain out of this and I feel such a coward. I am!
So thank you for taking the time to help and giving me a "nudge" as one person said ?. If I hadn't asked I would still be worrying. It didn't occur to me to just do it now Springychicken . I'm maybe not thinking clearly atm.
I will never let this happen again!
Lesson learnt. Be brave. Tell the truth. Don't procrastinate. Don't sit worrying- ask Gransnetters.

I would love it if someone brought tickets for me to go to a concert, even if it wasn't exactly my cup of tea. The company of others will make the evening more enjoyable. I say go and make the most of it. Life is too short.

Just looked back. It was a little shove, not a nudge.
Tillybelle I get what you're saying about going into residential care. It doesn't bear thinking about. Maybe that's why my MiL kept hiding her hearing aid!
Your problem with noise sounds even worse than mine. How awful for you. I do sympathise.

Congratulations, annepl, on biting the bullet, declining politely, and getting this sorted out. This must be a real relief for you and (hopefully) it should mean that you can enjoy the special occasion without feeling stressed. Have fun!

Thanks Davida1968 yes. Feel much better.

Didn't finish......And thanks for your advice!

Oh well done ann!
It must feel as if a huge weight has been lifted from your shoulders.
I'm so glad you told your friend.

It does MissAdventure thank you.

I would appreciate some independent advice
I practically brought my granddaughter without any financial support from her parents my son and dil and that's was fine but in February she engineered a row with me packed up some bin bags and moved out turns out she had a boyfriend she was practically living with from the minute they met lying to saying she was revising for A levels with a friend anyway my son phoned me up with 4 very abusive phone calls I put the phone down on him 4 times he was so nasty and abusive it's unbelievable how nasty he was he said it was because I had sent abusive texts to my granddaughter but that's not what was ranting about.
I left everything alone because I realised granddaughter was probably lying about me that's what teenagers do she's 18 by the way and ditched her A levels which were 3 science
Anyway my husband has dementia and on his birthday nothing from my son so I texted him and asked him to text or call his dad and he started on me again with the abuse I didn't respond I was busy and can't text fast enough so I phoned him more abuse nasty abuse
I crashed my car wrote it off 2 weeks ago he lives nearby the accident was near my home I was taken to hospital, he never came near never phoned to see how I was nothing I was totally on my own due to my husband's illness. I have been falling over for a while had some broken disc broken rib and serious bruising. I had a really bad fall on Tuesday I thought I had broken my hips I ended up in hospital again and not a word from him it was horrible being on my own with no support from him my granddaughter is the only one who offered support

Now my daughter is calling me and telling me I should just phone him carry on like nothing has happened but I'm so hurt it's unbelievable how nasty he has been to me I've supported him through drug abuse stealing from me cash and goods jewellery ect
I have supported them through financial crisis after financial crisis it's hard to make this short but I can't pick up the phone like nothing has happened not after leaving me on my own in two life threatening events am I wrong wasn't that very cruel to not contact me or come to see me in the hospital he hasn't seen his father since new years eve, my husband was at his house picking up granddaughter and dil phoned him to say his dad was there and come and see him he said he was too busy I don't want to throw my daughter's efforts back in her face but I can't pretend nothing has happened I feel there's depths of nastiness you don't do and leaving your mother alone at those times is beyond belief to me, I'm sorry for the long post he was aware of the accident and the last fall through my granddaughter I don't know what to do everything inside me tells me he should have come to me on both occasions

Could someone advise mary294 how to start a new thread please as I don't know how too. Thank you .

Well done anne but I'm sorry, an insensitive choice by the friend.

mary, this is meant kindly, start a new thread and use paragraphs......you will get a more helpful response.

Well done anne, I bet you feel like a weights been lifted. Enjoy your meal.

sorry I mean spaces, you have done paragraphs

I agree with quizqueen.

If you are such good friends, why do you lie to her and hide your condition from her?
I bet she wouldn't have bought you a ticket if you had told her you did not like the concert last year

From your update, she is a true friend as she respects your wishes.

Thanks Sharon and Lessismore. Hopefully we've both learnt a lesson.

Hithere she is a good friend. You are right. I should have been honest. She does know about my condition which is very debilitating but as no one sees you when you're lying in bed unable to get up or even read, and only see you on your better days its hard for them to understand. We don't discuss illnesses much when we are together. No one wants to hear you moan.

Annepl
I know what you mean!
I suffer from chronic migraines and only the closest to me have seen the true consequences of the condition.
They are not "just" headaches

You are a good friend by not burdening her with this

With burdening her I meant managing it on your own and making her your shoulder to cry on

Hithere I think it's better to be cheerful and positive in company. Especially as we get older.