In law issue... childcare

I think it is very sad, unhelpful and indeed misleading to posters who are asking for advice to have such negative and 'angry' responses given to them. If you hold so much anger in your own life then do not attempt to pass it on. I hope posters can see when this is the case and ignore it!

Is it really anger loveoc or simply a different point of view?

It seems to me that there are a number of posts where the OP simply wants agreement for their point of view and if you dare deviate from that you're being 'mean' or 'nasty'.

I'm very happy thanks

I just don't happen to agree

Finances he takes care of everything.
Rather an an odd arrangement for a modern marriage, don't you think? Your earnings kept for a rainy day, your running away fund??? Perhaps your husband is concerned about money, whereas you don't seem unduly bothered, hence your ambivalence about returning to work.

Personally I don't think a woman undergoing chemotherapy is physically fit enough to undertake regular childcare, and handing the child over to aunts as and when is not going to provide stability for him.

Here's an idea. You pay the childcare costs, thus relieving your husband of a financial worry, and work two days instead of three, since 'saving the pennies' (you said) isn't important to you. You and the child spend the third day visiting the in-laws. They get to see the child during the day, not early evening, whilst you are able to supervise what happens; you keep your job, maintain your independence, and help the family finances, and your husband has no extra expense.
Thus everyone gets some of what they want.

Very sensible eazybee

Or HE goes part time if HE is so against nursery. And HE uses his extta days off to save on nursery costs and take the child to visit HIS parents instead of deligating the task of the child seeing HIS parents to the OP!

I have to agree with Love0c, Smileless and others who are put off by some relentless, negative and one-sided posting. This is not the first time I've noticed a trend toward such posts on here, some by the same people over and over, across threads. I find that the best counsel comes from those who:

1) offer reasonable suggestions and advice covering several possible angles (Starlady's was a very good example in this thread), and

2) do not suggest negative motives or assume all good intentions (beyond what even the poster has suggested) when we have no way of knowing peoples' hearts and minds from the limited information we receive in here.

Negative, rapid-fire posts with words in caps or repeated attempts to argue with the poster or push a narrative seem very unkind and unhelpful. I've seen several posters leave in distress after coming here for help and support and that's just not right. We can still offer differing points of view and practical advice while supporting the poster and not vilifying people we do not know.

Yes, good idea, notanan, depending, I would think, on who is the higher earner.

notanan if he takes care of all finances etc ,it would seem he's the main breadwinner.Doesn't make sense for him to cut hours or give up his job .Anyway that would defeat the purpose of the OP wanting to be around for "firsts"

I didn't realise that - it would mean a significant loss of earnings so perhaps nursery would be unaffordable.
The problems could get even worse.

Eazybee dh gladly and happily covers our finances. My funds are mine to support my own costs etc. This is our arrangement. His reason of nursery fees is not a real concern because he has already paid one years nursery fees in vouchers which means he has covered just under two years child should our son go nursery on a part time basis.

I think i will find a way out of this. Thank you again everyone for your words. I will update you all.

Then dh has to see how to facilitate himself additional visitation with the baby and his parents that does not interfere with his work schedule.

You know i have just reread some of the passive aggressive posts and i just honestly feel like taking my son to a nursery near work. And continuing with the once a week visit for a couple of hours to mils. I know if i am forceful about this, husband will accept it. He may not be happy about it but i don't have to care. I think i have probably care too much. I realise now from these posts some MILS /Grannys CANNOT be pleased. So whats the point in trying and failing. From now on i am going to simply do what i think is right and if in laws are smiling great. If not, well tough.

Good for you MaternityLeave. Do what is best for your family. Sometimes people will always be unhappy and want more and more and more.

You have to do whats right for you, LO and DH, and it sounds like you have decided what that is. I'm glad DH will support you, even if grumbling about it. It's his choice to be upset, let him grumble.

Hugs to you and I hope you are able to enjoy the rest of your leave with your little one in peace.

Maternityleave,
Trust your gut. Human beings were given inticts for a reason.

It is easier to add at a later time than to remove (visits, babysitting, etc)

Some PEOPLE will never be pleased...Mil's are not an amorphous mass ...they are individual personalities just as everyone is. I just dont get this apparent expectation of common traits in MiLs or parents ow whatever ...its PEOPLE and we are all different. Glad you have made a decision Maternityleave

Hopefully now you've made your decision things will settle down maternityLeave, I hope so and wish you and your family well.

I agree that we are only seeing one side of this and it would appear that the OP is really blaming her DH because she is already planning her exit. She has asked that we see her point of view but shown no empathy for her MiL's illness or point of view. I don't know who is right. I do find it interesting that on MiL threads we get a few new posters whose sole aim is to back up the OP and wonder if they are already known to each other. It is always wise when you don't know someone to look beyond the words for the bigger picture.

I see nothing wrong with one partner doing all the finances, no different do doing all the cooking, DIY or gardening. I have done all ours for years, just give DH something to sign and he does. He knows there is a spreadsheet he can look at any time he likes but he is not interested. He does all the insurances and I have no idea about that and no wish to.

I used to do all our finances, since DH retired and is at home he has taken over much of it and I am thankful for that.

Calli DH would never think I was 'controlling' he is just grateful that someone who is better at it than him does the chore!

Its fine for people to play to their strengths in a marraige but in this case the DH is not just controlling the finances, he is controlling the finances AND major decisions like moving AND child raring issues. Thats a red flag. OP is right to have a "back up" fund and keep her job as she is being pushed out of her own life!

I agree with you MaternityLeave that you have been the "people pleaser" in the past and they have taken excessive advantage of that. Do what you feel is best for your work and your child. If your DH wants more visits to his ILs then HE can drop a day at work and do it for a change.

Thanks notanan2 ?. DH will be in for a shock with my new attitude.

Maternityleave
Buckle up! It will get worse before it gets better.

Do you think your dh will get your baby out of the nursery during the week for his parents to play mommy and daddy?

Agree with Hithere. You have been the dutiful peacekeeper trying to please the unpleasable, and you putting YOURSELF centre to decisions about your home and child will create a backlash

BUT that can only affect you if you let it. Let them tantrum all they want.