Love this thread!
So it begins….. Streeting resigns
I am hopping mad with my OH. He went out this afternoon to do a little light pruning in the garden and I've just found he has totally massacred my Japanese Maple and my favourite hebe.
To make matters worse he's also eaten my emergency bar of fruit and nut that I keep hidden in the tea towel basket. It's always been a safe place but obviously not now.
I am so angry with him I could spit. Do you think I am overreacting as I can feel my blood pressure rising and my face is all blotchy!
Love this thread!
He's still alive and was allowed to stay but isn't allowed to perform anything with shears/cutters/secateurs without my actual presence and supervision.
Wish my husband would take glimmer of interest in our garden?
I think all men are basically narcissists and get worse as they get older. They seem to have no concept that the world doesn’t revolve around them and they think they can do what they like when they like. Don’t get me started! Still, we have our own weapons of choice don’t we ladies...?!
OMG .....this is deja vu! Mine went out and bought a new pair of shears yesterday!!!
The plants and chocolate are replaceable, he isn't. Though you mjght feel like replacing him at the moment!
The plants will grow back , you can buy another bar of fruit and not . Don't sweat the small stuff and give your self an heart attack . Life's too short .
Oh CaroDane! He's a pest! He has invaded your precious privacy, eaten through your safe place and destroyed your lovely plants! There has to be a Pest Destroyer in the Garden Centre, surely?
I couldn't stand it when I had a, - would you believe it - Gardener who did exactly this! He loved his machines and couldn't do a job unless he had an electric motorised machine in his hands. He waved his hedge cutter over my pyracantha and cut it back to bear twigs, removing hundreds of buds about to flower so that Winter the birds had no berries from it. He strimmered up everything including, somehow, my small gooseberry bushes and many other things so that I had nothing lovely in the garden any more... He was dangerous! He had to go!
I think I would be inclined to really let rip at your husband and take no excuses or rude retorts. The phrase "That's it! I've had enough! " and "Your selfishness is impossible to live with." might make him think.
"bare" twigs
This thread is hilarious! Really cheered me up. I'm still in bed as have insomnia and been awake till 6 am. ?
You are a witty lot! I'm quite glad I live alone and can do what I want when I want. ?
Still feeling murderous.
Bad night as OH visits the toilet what seems like fifteen times a night.
It's pitch black in our bedroom as he says he can't sleep unless it's really dark.
Think he's practising for the when we end up in a box. Because it's so dark I'm constantly woken up with him scrabbling round trying to find the doorknob. It's the horrid scrape of his fingernails which always need cutting, on the doorframe. It sounds like something out of a horror film.
Not so bad on the landing as we have a nightlight to stop him falling down the stairs. Then click click click click click as he hasn't pulled the light cord enough to turn the bathroom light on. Twenty minutes or so it seems later everything happens in reverse except he always slams the bedroom door. Then he keeps bumping into the side of my bed as he negotiates his way across the bedroom.
Last Christmas he got lost after one too many baileys and ended up on my side. I didn't say anything as I was curious to see what would happen.
He was shuffling along and then I heard him opening my wardrobe door.
This was one shuffle too far as I thought we were seconds away from him getting into or worse widdling on my spare duvet covers. And of course he'd banged his head opening the door.
I gently told him he'd taken a wrong turn, something along the lines of
'What in God's name are you doing you stupid old sod? Put the bloody light on!
Off to Aldi after to buy FOUR bars of their rum fruit and nut. Can't wait 
Oh my goodness that reminds me of when I planted a row of lavender bushes either side of our front door, hoping they would fill the air with a beautiful scent each time we entered. They were just getting nicely established when I came home to find OH had mown them down to the level of the lawn. That was the beginning of the end for me, now married to a man who never goes near the garden! Not sure which is worse now I’m older and find gardening hard work .......
I don’t think you’re over reacting at all - in fact I’m amazed you are just quietly planning revenge. When my husband pruned my apple tree to a stump I couldn’t speak for three days! I had the Fiesta apple tree sent from Ireland to London and then drove it to it’s final destination weeks later , planted it in a strange place and it flourished and proudly produced 7 delicious apples. Next spring I look and it was a stump with four stick branches !!! I was so angry I couldn’t speak and when I did DH got ‘cruelty to trees’ lectures every day for weeks. Tree still looks a bit crippled but it’s trying hard. ☹️ I do apologise to it and I think it understands.
OMG .....this is deja vu! Mine went out and bought a new pair of shears yesterday!!!
Be afraid Mincub, be very afraid !
Mincub. Oh! can you blunten (? is that a word?) them?
What is it with men and pruning shears? They never know when to stop.
CaroDane doesn't your car have a radio?? Or did he walk to get the milk? Hasn't he heard of BBC Sounds to catch up with it!? Ken Bruce has a lot to answer for with his 'We stop for PopMaster' Which reminds me.... I'm missing it now!
FC61. I am crying for you and your precious tree.
My special apple tree got a disease this year. I am heart-broken, but it's not anyone's fault. The funny weather messed it up. It is very young and small but usually gives me about 10 apples.
Years and years ago I was busy stripping the paint off 4 lovely old Windsor kitchen chairs in the garage. I went to make lunch and could smell burning. I went outside to find my chairs blazing on a garden bonfire and then noticed that all my beloved foxgloves were also on the bonfire.
He said he was sick of seeing the chairs in the garage and foxgloves were weeds!! ?. I left him shortly after and spent the next 5 years trying to
win back my affections. No chance!
Framilode. And yet.. you'd think they would hide anything sheary or scissory from a wronged and hurt wife.....
Need to add, my DD was a very light pruner. It was my heavy handed and bullying mother who cut everything down. She was so cruel to him.
Maybe we who mourn our slashed plants need to become more assertive?
Think OH might be plotting revenge now. I went to switch the kettle on and realised its standing on the tray in a pool of water where he's missed filling it with the jug.
One flick of the switch and I could have been fried.
Strangely enough this is the second time this has happened recently!
He walked to get the milk. What's BBC Sounds? I've never heard of that?
CaroDane, I'm crying. With laughter! You should be documenting all the escapades for publication. But not until you've been to Aldi for supplies, obviously.
I'm impatiently awaiting the next instalment!
I had that problem but with other members of the family !
Son and I went away on holiday for 2 weeks - it was 7 months after my mother had died unexpectedly - devastated dear father went to stay at my sisters.
Came back after the holiday, second week of which we had spent at a nieces in Cornwall, thinking we'd spend some time with her and her DH and my great niece - only they carried on as if we weren't there, carried on working etc , didn't even go out for a meal together!
Walked in the door of my home, sister, brother, and partners had been through the house, emptied out the cupboards and removed anything they thought had belonged to my mum, anything they weren't sure of had been put in bin bags and dumped in the barn (for us to sort through) . The washing I had done before I left and not taken with us or packed for my dad had all been bundled up and dumped on my bed, along with other personal paperwork and belongings, same for my son! The garden had been attacked with a hedge trimmer from one end to the other so several plants and shrubs that I had spent a lot of money on, or were chosen by my mum died. My father took one look at the devastation and said right up until he passed away that it felt like we had been burgled. He knew where all his private papers were in a cupboard next to where he sat, not after this time. We even had to apply for replacement bank cards for him as we never did find them ! You can guess it took me several years to even speak to my SiL who was the instigator. Just felt like I was being ganged up against - and then they complained that my house was untidy !
Loving this ladies, is it just me or are we far less tolerant of them than they are of us? I seem to often feel mildly irritated with DH whilst he's really kind and generous to me.
There does seem to be something with men and gardens, except Monty Don of course. Mine just does the lawn now but I know he's tempted when anything starts to look past it's best and my poor DiL found her newly established borders decimated after DS helped with 'the weeding'. Quite glad I'm not a big fan of chocolate, my imagination wouldn't run to inventive hiding places. Cheers 
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