To dislike his female friend?

Well I think she’s trouble with a capital T. But the thing here is your partner wants to live with you, he’s not interested in her is he, only as a friend as they share same interests, your partner sounds like a decent man, I would see her as a silly woman albeit she would get my heckles up, I think she’s trying to get some sort of point across possibly trying to wind you up, see her for what she is, keep her at arms length but watch her, and move in with your partner and have a happy life good luck

The main reason we don’t live together is logistics. I live very close to my work where I often do 12 hour shifts.
He lives more remotely. We both love where he lives and if/when we bought somewhere together it will definitely be nearer to where he is.
I don’t think we have to live together to be committed though.

Sorry I can’t reply to individual posts but I am on my phone, so it’s awkward to scroll back. But in answer to the suggestion that he may have once fancied her, that really doesn’t appear to have been the case.
Whilst I know DP enjoys her company he has never been flirty or inappropriate or giving me any indication that he has ever been interested in her romantically.

I wish I could just relax, happy I’m the knowledge that he chose me, but I just get so irritated by her !!

When DH and I were first together he had a ‘friend’ like this. He knew her from a course they were both doing. She was married and when we got engaged invited us to dinner. It was excruciating. They’d recently been on a weekend away for the course and she mentioned “in our room”, making it sound as though she and DH has shared a room. Although I was seething inside I merely raised my eyebrows and she gave a stupid laugh and said “Oh I meant mine and Lucy’s room”. her poor husband was looking distraught. My DH was of course quite oblivious. When we left we talked about it and at first he insisted she was just a good friend, but later admitted that on the weekend away she’d asked him to sleep with her! He said he refused, and I really don’t think he’d have taken me to meet her if he had done. Luckily we got married not long after and he moved to my area, which is quite far from her. After a week she wrote him a 7 page letter about how much ‘they all’ missed him, but he didn’t reply. A few weeks later she sent a postcard saying she was really worried as she hadn’t heard from him. It accidentally found its way into the bin. I think she must’ve eventually got the message but I do sometimes wonder what happened to her marriage. There are some really strange women around.

I have a single friend who is like this - she has (she maintains) absolutely no interest in a relationship with the men she flirts with so I don't really know why she does it, but it is how she has always behaved, even when in a happy relationship herself. And, like your DP's 'friend' she seems to do it all the more if the man has a partner. I do sometimes wonder if it is a dominance thing, she has to be the centre of everyone's attention.

Charlie2468
If you can see your posts on a thread, then so can we. If not, contact HQ.

Lots of assumptions here that this woman is after "her" man. She's single so she's dangerous to the OP's relationship -?!? I'm not saying it isn't so, because I've seen a friend hurt badly that way, but don't tar all singles with that same brush, please (said as a single).

I think this woman has her nose put out - she's young(er) and flirty and chatty, and yet your guy would rather be with you. That's important to remember. Yeah, she's irritating but I like others find her a bit of a sad case. 40 with no partner and no children .. She's trying to find her spot in your mans life now you've come along (doesn't need to be in a romantic way). She'd have done better to make a friend of you and not lose him, but then perhaps you would be better advised to try not to make your guy chose between you and her - he's already stated it's you he plans to be with. If you talk to him and say you feel uncomfortable with some of the things she says, maybe set up a signal if she does it again - tap your nose so he can be aware of it "in the moment" or something rather than fester on it in the evening and bring it up on the journey home.

It's not a you or her choice for your guy unless you make it one.

Good luck with the 'talk' with your man Flaxseed Bluebelle you are quite correct, I completely missed the bit about her only being a friend a couple of years longer than Flaxseed.

I thought she was one of the long standing 'hangers on' who never get anywhere because HE doesn't see it like "that kind of relationship" no matter how much she wants it to be.

No idea what she confided in OP but the fact she phoned the partner to 'thank' OP sounds to me like she just wants any excuse to get in touch with HIM. Probably a load of BS t.b.h.

I have actually had same - many years ago with my first husband. A long standing colleague of his only wanted to get to know me so she could be close to HIM. I thought she was pathetic and found it all laughable, hanging on to his every word like a puppy dog and it didn't really bother me but thinking about it I had never been hurt, my confidence was sky high. Eventually he was promoted to another branch in different town, we moved and she fizzled away.

I appreciate if you have been hurt before and your confidence isn't as high it would be very difficult. We are all different and it is pointless anyone telling you to 'forget' it and ignore. If she eats away at your self esteem or brings doubts to your relationship - he needs to edge her out! (backtracking on my previous advice I know).

In reply to one post, the woman friend is somewhat younger than the partner, not 20 years older.

It may be hard for some male/female friendships to stay platonic if alcohol is available plus close proximity to a comfy king size bed, for example on a sporting weekend at a hotel, if stories we’ve seen on the tv or in newspaper agony aunt columns are to be believed.

On the other hand, sometimes people simply don’t fancy each other and this woman may never be a threat!

Flaxseed
Your DP new this person but made his choice when he met you. Make an effort to get involved with all DP's interests even if it means 'away days' as she wont tell you anything you don't already know.You cannot wipe out the past which this person will relish in bringing up before you came into DP's life .Go forward starting now.

Charlie2468 where have you posted? what was the topic?
If you posted a problem in the middle of someone else's thread it may well go unanswered.

Sounds like she has a crush on him or some weird game going on in her head. I would be a bit cool with her and move in with him sooner rather than later. When you’re with him and her give him a few warm loving endearing smiles or a bit of PDA. I’ve known women cook up whole lives with men that don’t even like them. They convince themselves he really likes them and for some fantasy reason can’t declare his love etc etc etc One woman I know talked about nothing but the love of her life whilst he lived in another country and avoided visiting her like the plague. I was dumbfounded.

Grammeretto is 100% spot on.
I know a slutty woman who is only interested in other women`s partner`s/husband`s and when she has caused an upset off they go to the next stupid man.
Sadly the wife has to live with the cheating husband/partner as most women have no choice.

To me, it appears she's the one whose jealous of you.

By now, she should know she can't have him, so beware! It's very likely she stays close just so she can make trouble and cause a rift between the two of you.

Reminds me of the Julia Roberts film ( My Best Friend's Wedding). It's the one where she sets out to break up the engagement when she learns her old friend is marrying someone else.

Unlike most films, real life is more complicated. You're going to have to be more cunning than she is if you want to beat her at her own game.

And go with him if you can. Do a surprise turn up.

I would try and swerve the meals when she is present . Being your relationship is fine but she the only fly in ointment , I would try to have as lease to do with her as possible . I'm sure she is taking great pleasure in winding you up and at the moment you are feeding into it . Maybe your partner's children were just being polite to her . Just be honest with your partner and tell him you would rather not be in her company .

Flighty female, she is just doing this for show, she is probably very lonely inside . I have met people like this before, my ex-husbands new wife, who calls my grown up son's "her boys" . They often try to provoke a reaction, and say things to make themselves feel bigger and better. I have learned not to enter this game as they just want to be the centre of attention. I found it best to be the bigger a person and not engage with the stories they create ( especially with your DP). She is stirring the pot here... xx

If this woman is unhappy that your DP is intending to move in with you and worried that this development will put a stop to her flirtation with him, you need to recognise that she has designs on him no matter how long they may have taken to be formally spoken about. Personally, I would tell your DP and at the same time tell him that the longer-than-usual hugs that mark their partings after their gatherings, mean more to her than to him and that she is building up some special meaning in them. He has to stop that and it doesn't matter that you have no interest in their mutual interest, you need to start developing an interest so you can see for yourself how she relates to him on the occasions when they are 'sharing'.

Oh no totally disagree "GoldenAge" that anybody should force themselves to be interested in a sport they aren't interest in!

I have a season ticket to a football club, my husband not slightest bit interested! IF he decided to come along to games I would absolutely hate it! Would ruin my enjoyment completely knowing he has no interest whatsoever and is just there to check up on me, the people around me, the friends I have cultivated. No, no, no, Flaxseed - not the way to go. Don't force yourself to enjoy something you don't. Just keep going to the meals as and when you can.

I think you are going to have to take a bit more interest in his hobby and make sure you go on the weekends away. You could always take yourself off somewhere for part of the day. When it comes to goodbyes why not take his hand or put your arm round him, smiling all the time and say a cheery goodbye, if she tries to get into a clinch then it could get very interesting! Many many years ago I worked as the junior secretary to someone who was madly in love with the boss. I could see it was hopeless and so could the rest of the office but the boss seemed totally unaware of it all. It was very sad, although being so young I don't remember having any sympathy for her.

Sounds like she still holds a candle for him and is jealous of your relationship with him and in turn is trying to make you jealous or upset in some way (which she is succeeding in doing so) If you can categorically say that there is nothing going on between your OH and her then ignore it all. To fall out with your OH is playing into her hands.

Mm, DP seems a bit quiet on this subject, and okay I get the logistics thing regarding moving in, but six years? and there's clearly a problem with this person. You're not happy with the situation. My husband had female friends before we got together and I very quickly realised that even though they had their own partners, he was the floating male and they rather enjoyed the situation as it was. Consequently I was made to feel like an outsider. DP needs to wake up to how you're feeling and I don't understand why you're tiptoing around them. Tell him or tell her. Draw a line and wait to see if someone steps over it. You might be surprised at the very least, and at best it will solve the problem. Men always plead wide-eyed innocence. Take the initiative.

She is a bitch. Tell your fella to stop most of the socialiisng with her. Even if she doesn't want to have a relationship with him, she clearly enjoys making you feel uncomfortable.

You are handling this so well. Dont get drawn into her territorial game. Visiting your OHs kids may not happen, let it go. She is p%$%$%g on lampposts shes insecure.

My DHs ex GF reappeared to stake some claim, long after they had split up but when I was on the scene.
She nearly succeeded in breaking us up because I had only just met him so could have run a mile except that he worked really hard to woo me back!!

Over the years I have come across at least 3 women who only have eyes for other people's partners. I think it may be a lack of confidence on their part. They only want what you have. If someone unattached fancies them, they can't be good enough.
A bit like the Groucho Marx saying: "I would not join any club that would have me as a member"

Your DP sounds like a nice & honourable (if that’s not too old-fashioned an expression), Flaxseed.
Trust him.
Some women can’t stop themselves behaving in a flirty way I’m afraid, they must get something out of it and she will enjoy it all the more if she sees it upsets you. They’re the female equivalent of Boris Johnson touching women’s thighs under the table.
So put on a brave face, be quietly confident that you’re a much better woman and that DP chose you, not her, and enjoy your relationship.