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AIBU

60 years married

(120 Posts)
ExD1938 Thu 09-Jan-20 13:37:17

Is it out of order for us to have a special holiday (just the two of us) instead of throwing a party for our extended families (we both have huge families and would need to hire a hall as our house is tiny).?
My friend says I'm being selfish.

antheacarol55 Fri 10-Jan-20 12:01:00

It's your celebration so go and have a fabulous holiday and live your life for yourself not for your friend.
If you were my friend celebrating I would treat you and your husband to a lovely meal

LeeN137 Fri 10-Jan-20 12:03:49

As many others have said, your friend is WRONG. Celebrate YOUR way - if others want to celebrate your time together, let them sort it all out and invite you.

I congratulate you both on 60 years married. You deserve some time to just the 2 of you.

Tennisnan Fri 10-Jan-20 12:39:23

Are you real ExD1938? Your way of speaking sounds very with-it for someone who must be 80-ish. There have been suggestions that some threads are created by Gransnet staff. If you're real, have the holiday - you most definitely deserve it.

JeannieB44 Fri 10-Jan-20 12:40:57

No it is not at all selfish. We had a big party for our 25th and I didn't really enjoy it. My husband had a great time dancing and catching up with friends. I was so busy making sure everyone else was having a good time that I didn't. So I said never again. Any big occasions we celebrate with our immediate family only. If friends are unhappy then that is their problem. You have your holiday it's your celebration to have how you want. On a separate note we have a close friend who always arranges meals out and recently weekends away to coincide with her birthday and their anniversary. Now retired and on a limited budget we are no longer doing this either. Our budget is for things we want to do.

Quizzer Fri 10-Jan-20 12:41:31

Not selfish at all. It's your anniversary, do what you want!

sarahellenwhitney Fri 10-Jan-20 12:44:22

With friends like that who needs enemiesgrin.Your life your choice. Enjoy your holidaywine.

Binkiebonk Fri 10-Jan-20 12:58:49

Do what YOU want! It's your money and your celebration. You are entitled to spend your time and money on whatever you wish, wherever you chose and your so-called friend is an interfering busybody, whose value as a true friend I would question!

RomyP Fri 10-Jan-20 13:07:07

Go for your holiday and have a wonderful time. It's your anniversary, enjoy celebrating. X

Madmaggie Fri 10-Jan-20 13:35:21

Congratulations to you both. Spend your money on a lovely holiday to please yourselves instead of putting it aside to please others. True friends will want you to be happy. Be waited on instead of being the host. Best wishesxx

Eloethan Fri 10-Jan-20 13:45:04

I think your friend should mind her own business.

In my opinion, it's perfectly understandable and acceptable for you to wish to have a lovely holiday with your partner.

If your family - and this friend - feel strongly about you having a celebration party, perhaps they would like to organise and pay for it, with all the work and expense that would be involved.

Congratulations - and don't be pushed into something you would rather not do. Have a great time!

grannymy Fri 10-Jan-20 13:50:28

First of all, congratulations! I would go on holiday. I wouldn't be surprised if your family also have a party for you.

CleoPanda Fri 10-Jan-20 13:56:29

There are people who love organising parties. There are people who love attending parties. I am in neither group ! My husband hate parties. We always celebrate any event together, usually away. That’s what works for us.
Even if someone else arranged a party for us, we would secretly hate it.
The only possible reason to exhaust yourselves is if one of you would love a party. Otherwise do whatever pleases you most. Silly, misguided friend!

nanamac77 Fri 10-Jan-20 14:18:45

No real friend would accuse you of being selfish. Much more sensible thing to do anyway - no worry/stress/expense over arrangements for other people to have a goof time, A real friend would organise a surprise celebration for you!

Solonge Fri 10-Jan-20 14:44:17

Congratulations!!! What an achievement, ever better you want to share a special holiday together. Tell your friend that you look forward to family and friend organising a lovely party for you....but meantime....you will plan the best holiday in the world for you and your DH....because you don’t get a second chance at celebrating your 60th! People really are very cheeky! My aunt in Australia didn’t want a funeral...instead she gave her nearest and dearest money for a fabulous, memorable meal together to wish her well on her way. My husband said that was selfish!! Hence....I’ve made my will....and advised my solicitor I do not want a funeral....I am going to provide enough money for a lovely party my ashes are to be used to provide food for a beautiful new tree in a forest.....

Abuelana Fri 10-Jan-20 14:45:35

Certainly I’d do hat pleased me. My husbands 60th cost me a fortune we could have had 3 holidays for what it cost me. My 60th was a toned down party. And now we travel, no more big celebrations it’s all about us now! We worked for everything we have so selfish doesn’t come into it.

Tangerine Fri 10-Jan-20 14:45:59

No, it isn't selfish. Do as you please.

If you want to include your family, perhaps go for a meal out as well - I don't mean with the whole extended family on each side!

newnanny Fri 10-Jan-20 14:50:41

I thought is is usually family who organise and pay for party for happy couple. I would go on holiday and hope for a diamond too! grin

Biddysue Fri 10-Jan-20 15:06:08

It’s your anniversary do as you please !
We did have a special holiday for our ruby wedding and thoroughly enjoyed it.
Hope you enjoy your holiday and congratulations ?

Gingergirl Fri 10-Jan-20 15:10:10

Nope. Its a personal and private anniversary for the both of you...not everyone else. Enjoy!

Juliet27 Fri 10-Jan-20 15:34:08

60 years married is a wonderful achievement and you should have a holiday to reward yourselves...the family don’t need the reward of a party!

Jani Fri 10-Jan-20 16:19:38

Go for the holiday and have fun. Just a thought though could your friend already have sorted a surprise party out and is now panicking ! - that’s why she may have said it!! You aren’t selfish in any way - so go and enjoy.

MaisieMoo01 Fri 10-Jan-20 16:23:37

How can a celebration of something so amazing that you both have achieved, be to do with your friend! I’d laugh Snd not pass comment. Just smile ?

willa45 Fri 10-Jan-20 16:27:00

First, my heartfelt congratulations on your 60th anniversary!

To begin with, it's your marriage, your anniversary, your wishes and your choice. By all means, you both deserve to go on holiday and celebrate your wonderful marriage with a special getaway for just the two of you!

If friends and family want to throw a big party in your honor when you get back, they can organize, plan it and pay for it, while you're away.

P3terpan Fri 10-Jan-20 16:38:40

Have a holiday. We try to be away for our birthdays every year. Celebrated my 65th DH 66th on the Greyhound bus to Washington, 66th DH 67TH in the Grand Canyon and when we get to the very big anniversaries we will be somewhere special to us it’s your anniversary and how you spend it is special to you. Happy anniversary

kwest Fri 10-Jan-20 16:51:01

The holiday, every time. Enjoy.