Feeling hurt over unappreciated gift

Even though I’ve said I’d buy him a gift card, and I would if that’s what I’d been instructed asked to do, I’m not a fan of them. Firstly, because you’ve to remember to use the things before a certain date (and remember what that date is), and secondly because if the company you bought them for goes bust, that’s the money wasted. I’d normally give cash instead.

Also, a friend kindly bought me theatre vouchers, which I’ve still got two years later because they can only be used at a box office and I always book online. Fortunately they don’t have an expiry date.

Some years ago we made a family decision to not give Christmas gifts to adults. We all have everything we want or need so it's a waste of money and resources. Just as much love and caring all around but less stuff.

Now the grandchildren are growing up we give them money so they can buy what they want or save up for something big. The kids all have their own bank accounts and learn to manage money, habits of saving and working towards a goal. We find gift cards are generally more trouble than they are worth.

Everybody is happy, no unwanted gifts, no ill feelings, less wastage and reduced landfill.

If you really feel you must give something why not a bottle of good wine, some special chocolates or some other treat you know the person would enjoy.

It’s a bit of a charade buying presents for adults who have got everything they want. Just agree no presents for adults (or a secret Santa if there’s a lot of you so you only buy one present). I agree it’s upsetting if a thoughtful present is rejected but don’t take it to heart. We’ve all been there.

Even if you do like board games I think buying a roulette wheel is rather an odd choice of gift, not something I would be happy with.
Stick to gift cards or money in future and then you won't be disappointed with the recipient's reaction.
Adults don't get gifts in our family.

Unwanted gifts have been discussed before. To me, cash is best, people can buy what they want. And why this obsession with gift vouchers, do they somehow seem less mercenary than plain money? You still see exactly what people want to spend on you.
I’ve posted on previous threads that especially for adults, why not simply stop exchanging cash with each other, spend the money saved on yourself, and cut out all the angst and upset.

I just put £50 each for my children and grand children in cards, handed them out before Christmas, went to India for three weeks and had a fantastic time. No shopping, no cooking but lots of sun.

It must have been upsetting to see your carefully chosen gift rejected Willa45 but in the grand scheme of things its just a blip. Your son in law sounds like a good man with this one flaw. I would get him a token with the refund and forget about it. In future it will be easier not having to hunt for gifts for him just a voucher.

Why would you get somebody who has everything something they don't want and then go into passive aggressive hurt mode?

What connection does any of that have to do with celebrating the birth of Christ?

Some years ago I bought my now ex son in law a birthday present that I took a lot of thought over, he opened it, thanked me very politely, then handed it back and said it wasn’t to his taste and he didn’t want to take what he wouldn’t use.
I was mortified, I really was, I took it as a real slap in the face so the following birthday he got a charity gift of some trees in a third world country

You say he is a great SIL! You tried to buy a thoughtful gift but got it wrong! Hey ho!
Is this really worth causing a problem over? I suggest getting him a gift card with the money, give it to him and from now on buy him a gift card every year to avoid any future problems!

Give him a goat in Africa. It won't matter if he likes it or not.

I think he is ungracious but you did offer to return it and give him the gift cards .
So that is what you need to do ,otherwise it seems to me that you are risking ill feelings in the long run .Why risk it?
On the plus side it will make buying presents for him easier in the future just get gift cards

This has happened to me so many times, and I have been so upset It may be difficult but try not to take it personally. I think sometimes we spend too much emotional effort on trying to select the "right" gift...However what we think is right is not always right for them. I agree he was rood and ungrateful and should have returned the gift himself.

....now I always get a gift receipt and make sure that the gift can be returned. xx

I would buy him a gift card and give it to him. It's unreasonable to expect more than a polite thank you for a gift he didn't really want. In future perhaps you can ask for ideas of what he would like?

We as a family have been through all the above. Moved on to a secret Santa whereby all adults in the family drew a name and a limit of £30 a head was put on gift (you could also put a request / wishlist into the draw with your name).
I wasn’t a fan this year but actually it’s a much better option for families with adults who really don’t need anything but people really do want to buy for.

It seems rather a trivial matter to make such a fuss over. You have said you will return the unwanted gift and give him a gift voucher , so do so.
Would you rather he thanked you effusively, then stowed the unwanted wheel away at the bottom of the wardrobe, and nobody had any pleasure from your giving?

Why vouchers?? Why not cash?? To be compelled to buy things in a particular shop irks me

I always ask their nearest and dearest for suggestions. I always used to look at vouchers as a cop out but not anymore. This year I asked DS what to get for DiL and he said vouchers from a particular store. He was telling everyone the same as she wanted a rather expensive coat and was able to combine the voucher values to get it.

You gave a gift after a lot of consideration of what to buy. Unfortunately it didn't hit the mark. As you have been able to obtain a refund you should give a voucher. Next time I wouldn't give anything as he obviously has everything. Adults and Christmas gifts are no longer the norm.

Call me a cynic but NO ONE goes to casinos and USUSALLY wins! Don't believe this story!
A gambler wouldn't be interested in playing roulette at home because the whole thrill is risking and winning significant money. Gifts can be sold for cash which can be used for gambling, so unless he provides evidence if what he has purchased I wouldn't trust this explanation. It is a serious business and not a game! To me this story sets off all my alarm bells! Without raising your daughter's suspicions start some checks. Do they have any joint accounts, is she paying more than her share of the bills, is he contributing properly to the household and being completely open about his finances? If your daughter loves this man she will know if he has a gambling problem but will be in denial, so tread carefully but try to ensure her assets are separate from his, and that he cannot access any of her money.

I think if my 4 year old grandson had behaved in this way his mum and myself would have been disappointed. This is a grown up. Not disappointment but distaste here.
Too late to address but gift cards from now on and if he asks why, simply say you wanted to avoid your own embarrassment and his disappointment again.

It was obvious to you he didn't like the gift, you returned it. Give him a voucher now and every year from now on.

Pity as you obviously gave this s great deal of thought, but I now give money so ACs can buy things they want. Saves me time and hassle I get no complaints. I do get gift reeipts so that any unwanted items can be changed.

I think it would have been different if you hadn't spent a lot of time trying to find a gift that you thought he would appreciate and he was thoughtless in leaving the gift in plain view of all and sundry!
I guess that you were supposed to be a mind reader that he wanted gift cards ? Wouldn't have taken 2 seconds for your daughter to have just said "oh mum, if you are thinking of getting something for x for Christmas, he has said that he would prefer gift cards for ........... shop"
In future, if he can manage to buy himself just what he wants, I'd just give him a box of chocolates/ bottle of wine - we have all fallen into the trap of spending time and money on gifts when the recipient can afford to buy their own !

I always ask for a list especially from my DiL as I do not know her taste as it is so different from mine.
As you took the present back I would now give him a gift card for the same value with a wry smile. After all he is a wonderful SiL and you want to keep on the right side of him.