Feeling hurt over unappreciated gift

I agree with GreenGran. We went 'children only' years ago as we're such a big family. We do a little jokey Elfster secret Santa for the adults (£20 limit).

Forget it anyway. I worry about people getting upset about trivial things like presents. How on Earth do they cope when something really bad happens?

Bought flowers for sister in law and she said' these are the only flowers I don't like!'
Oh well, would it be better for her to lie ,or tell the truth as it will prevent me from getting the same again? Flowers stayed in our bedroom.
(Get well gift) not Christmas.

I think with a son-in-law it's best to ask you daughter to ask him what he would like in advance. You made a special effort but unfortunately it wasn't appreciated. It sounds like a good present that he can share with friends and family. Maybe he already has something like that. I wouldn't take it personally.

Why do we give gifts to adults who are earning enough to buy anything they want anyway? Christmas is for children isn’t it?

How rude some people are these days!

I have a brother who I never know what to buy for - he's the only one of us who's single (as far as we know!) so I buy him an ethical gift such as a goat, chickens or, this year, a loo via one of the charities (lots do it, such as Oxfam, World Vision, Actionaid). I also bought him a nice wool scarf which he may or may not wear.

Not replacing the gift he didn't appreciate is asking for trouble to my mind! So he didn't like what you gave him, get over it and be the grown up and give him a gift card. If you want to buy him a gift in future then ask your DD what he wants/needs

It is all a shame and your SIL was insensitive and impolite. However, be wise and rise above it. Next year, buy a gift card for somewhere he shops and keep it to a moderate amount (say, no more than £20 at the most). That way, he'll have some cash to put towards something he actually wants and you won't be too out of pocket.

It does smack of ingratitude I know, but I'm retired and don't have cash to burn and it always upsets me when the very few people who buy me presents splash too much out on something I really don't want which cannot be returned. I always say, 'John Lewis vouchers for a small amount,' and this is routinely ignored. I always buy them exactly what they said they wanted.

Lily flower Why not, as I previously suggested, tell everyone that you are only buying for children in future, and don’t want any gifts.
With the money you save you can treat yourself to what you really want, and save yourself a lot of hassle at the same time.

I always buy myself something nice (that I really want) at Christmas - and I'd thoroughly recommend it!

ILoveCheese is spot on.
I would however go to 50p.

We used to put unwanted presents away until the next time a raffle prize was required. I find it sad that family members often have no idea of the stuff that other members would like. That is not a comment on the OP because it sounds as thought she thought long and hard about the gift she gave.

I’m still struggling to understand the shocking rudeness so many see

Same here, summerlove

You put a lot of thought into what to buy him and it was very rude of him to toss it aside. A gift with thought is so much better than vouchers, I wouldn't bother to get him any vouchers, his rudeness, his loss. I had a similar thing when my daughter brought her first house, as well of lots of gifts things I brought her a vacuum cleaner - she too opened the box and pulled a face, she did take it home and used it though!

This thread has brought back memories. I remember feeling really hurt when MIL bought leggings for myself and my sister in law one Christmas. My sister in law was one size smaller than me and got the right size where as MIL gave me leggings two sizes too large. I smiled with my thanks and later passed them to a friend. MIL on the other hand didn't hide her displeasure with my gifts to her, which I put thought into.It really grated but I bit my lip. My last gift to her, a garden voucher, she sent back to me after we had a falling out. I haven't bothered since. I just remind my husband to phone her on her birthday, as he doesn't usually bother that must be a gift in itself.

Same here summerlove.

I spend a lot of time on my allotment, and so I would get given a lot of books on growing vegetables and so on. I've also got piles of cookery books because I like cooking. Although not teetotal, ours is an alcohol-free house, yet the number of bottles of wine and alcohol I've been given is ridiculous. I believe that the reason for this is because I went down the "polite" route, saying how nice it was, thank you so much.

I then changed tack, and did what your SIL did - gave a polite but very cool reception to the gifts. Thank goodness, because now my trips to the charity shops to donate all those unwanted gifts have diminished, and I am slowly getting back the space in my shed that stores the bottles.

Instead I am given good quality hand cream, tokens and vouchers for day trips out and so on.

Being honest doesn't mean being rude.

GrannieAnnie2010,
You are very lucky and obviously very popular to be given so many gifts!

If DD knew he would like gift cards, why didn't she clue you in well ahead of time? Surely that would have been easier on everyone all round and avoided this sad situation where it seems like everyone ended up with feathers ruffled?

(I think SIL behaved rudely, incidentally, and I would not have offered to return the gift. But I might be overly strict in this way)

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.