Still not met three week old grandson.

We all know that daughters usually spend more time with their mothers. I'm not commenting on that. But I think there are times when playing "fairsies" is appropriate. This is one.
Anyway I've said all that I want to say.
Perhaps HappyGran you will report back..

I think we'll all be cheering when she is finally allowed to see the baby

@Beswitched Yes she is do to her own behaviors to our family. Not to mention the fact that she is skating on thin ice with that due to her behavior towards her son. My husband called her last night and said he was cancelling the visit for today due to the weather. She acted liked a toddler and threw a tantrum and husband told her he would see her at the end of March. In case you are wondering she lives 10 minutes walk from us.

Yes MissA I can hardly wait for her good news.

Talking in general

Would it be nice? Sure!
Who doesn't want things to go nicely? We all want that!

Is it a priority, that's the question?

For grandma, you bet. For her, it is a need.
For the parents and baby, it may or not be a priority.
It all depends on many factors, there is no blanket reply that applies to everybody

They have higher needs to take care of.
For them, it may be a want and and wants get prioritized.
Their lives are now concentrated on the baby and family of 3, 4, 5, etc , not what people want from them.

Does it sting that you are not as high in the priority list as you wished? Did you imagine things would go differently?
You bet! We all adjust to what life throws at us.

Also @Beswitched just to drive the point more my husband willfully drives and hour and a half every weekend to get my mother to spend the night to spend time with the babies. Why? Because she was respectful to our entire family's needs. Not just trying to get own selfish wants

But why are you projecting all that onto the op winnie?

I'm so glad my daughter let us see her babies, and the Nan from the 'other side', who tended to be rather more obsessive.

Wants get deprioritized

Why did the weather mean today's visit had to be cancelled Winnie if she only lives a 10 minute walk away? And why does your m.i.l., your children's GM have to wait until the end of March before she can see her GC, it's only the 9th of February?

You put in an earlier post she's scheduled to see her GC once a month, for an hour for lunch and now it appears as if she's not even going to be getting that. Poor woman.

Its natural to want to see a new baby, I think.
Even animals are very interested when one of their groups has a new one.

Your posts are all very well winnie but they’re irrelevant to the OP.

@Smileless2012 Are children are not allowed at her house due to her smoking and she isn't allowed at our house due to her behaviors toward me and my home. Caught her smoking in the kitchen The visit isn't being rescheduled until March due to her tantrum about this visit being cancelled and because that what works best with my husband's schedule

A Cautionary tale from WinnieB.....
I see a lot of people calling the OP’s DIL selfish when they have no real idea of her circumstances or the relationship between these two women...
We only know one side of the story, and it is quite possible that there is rather more to it than we have been told.

If the rescheduling has nothing to do with "her tantrum" then why did you mention it Winnie?

There could be another side to it, or perhaps there isn’t, but her son seems quite happy to have his mum round. We could spend hours imagining all sorts of ‘what if’ scenarios but ultimately conjecture doesn’t help anyone.

I think some new parents just assume the mil is going to be over enthusastic and possessive and think she is going to want to take over and tell them what to do when the grandchild comes along and so start behaving towards her as if she already has been and so aren't comfortable with her seeing the baby.

I think that is what is happening in my case. Odd thing is that was the last thing that was going to happen. It's like a guilty secret I have. I have never been a baby person, there are only 2 babies I have ever held because I wanted to and I have never once thought I would like to be a grandma.

@Smileless2012 I said it was being rescheduled to March due to her tantrum today because the visit had to be rescheduled. Her tantrum was the direct cause of it being set so far away. Her son doesn’t want to put up with it. So he set the visit for when he feels like it suits his schedule and his ability to deal with her crap

The bottom line is that it is down to this first time mum who the OP admits is having an exhausting time — yet she still wants to “pop round for an hour or so (!) for a cuddle.“
Her DIL has refused, for now, as she has a perfect right to.
OP comes across as overbearing and perhaps her DIL thinks so too.
As for OP’s son being fine with her visiting — bully for him — he hasn’t just pushed a baby out or is struggling to breastfeed it.

No - obviously he didn’t give birth. He could quite easily show his mum the baby for half an hour though. I don’t think she comes across as overbearing at all and because I don’t try and make my point with conjecture I’m not going to bring the DiL’s thoughts into it.

You have rather an unpleasant way of talking about your m.i.l. Winnie. You did post at 20.08 "the visit isn't being rescheduled to March due to her tantrum ...." maybe you typed isn't instead of is.

I couldn't be doing with schedules to be decided for me.

The OP's son is the child's father so why is it "bully for him" that he's OK with his parents seeing their GC for the first time?

What chance do m's.i.l. have if their natural desire to see their GC for the first time is regarded as being overbearing?

MissAdventure, I know what I would do if I was put on a schedule like that. It is only going to make relationships worse doing that to the woman

@Miss_Adventure When you are dealing with other people's time you don;t have a choice but to deal with their schedules. As my MIL has found out. Its not about her and its not about you. Its what is best for my our family. No one else including Grandmother. She can either take the time that is offered or do without. Those are her options.