Still not met three week old grandson.

Yes I realise that.
My choice would be to do without.

Yes, I was referring to the son and dil - analyse it as you wish. In my opinion Happygran and her husband are being treated abysmally! I sincerely hope they get to see their grandson very, very soon.

Make what worse? Us having peace from her ridiculous demands. Peace from her nasty house,tar filled house. Her behavior has dictated what the boundaries are. Her relentless stopping by with no notifications and then playing the victim when she is ignored at the door. Her calling me a controlling bitch because I didn't want to see her afer 42 hours labor plus an emergency c-section? Her calling her sun a pussy whopped bastard because she wasn't allowed to hold or meet the babies before me. Having packages delivered to my house to force a visit then get mad when I returned them to sender because she doesn't live at my house.....At this point she is lucky to even being able to see the kids once a month but like I said she is fast heading down to the road where she won't ever see them again

We need to be careful this doesn't turn into a "bunfight".
It won't help happygran at all, and others family issues are neither here nor there.

I agree MissAdventure

Mine too, MissAdventure. Except I wouldn't say it was doing without. It must be like picking at a scab, seeing the grandchildren for such a short time and then waiting another month. Grieving for what she doesn't have may be better for her wellbeing in the long term.

This is about Happygran, isn't it? If you wish to make it personal to you, wouldn't it be better to start a new thread?

And, yes, MissAdventure, you are right about that too. This thread has strayed away from HappyGran's own situation. I hope she gets to see her grandchild soon.

I'm going to just look in every now and then, ready to celebrate when happygran gets to see her new grandchild.

Hopefully soon!

Like me MissAdventure
?
I’m just hoping to see a post ‘I’ve seen him and he’s gorgeous* soon. I really do feel for HappyGran.

The way we perceive things is very much coloured by our own experiences and we have absolutely no idea what the dynamics are in Happygran's family. We only have the scant information we have been given which I realise doesn't allow us to give any kind of helpful advice or support here. What I do find really strange is the willingness of some to castigate grandmothers generally as self-seeking and wanting to get their hands on the baby and nothing else. When I had my children either my Mum or my Mum in law came to stay for a few days to help while we settled down to life as a new family. When each of my many grandchildren were born I did the same, bowing out when things were settled. Those times forged strong family bonds of love and respect and caring. When I lost my lovely Mum this year, all of my wonderful children helped and supported me in just the way I had cared for them. We all learned about coping with death together.

People imagine that when we speak of bonding, it only applies to new parents. I see it differently: the circle of family changes with each new addition and loss, and we change with it. I realise that I have been very fortunate but also that I am not unique in this experience.

Norah
That’s an excellent question.

Especially on a thread when so many are concerned about “niceness” and “kindness” toward the MIL. Yet others are happy to put down DIL.

WinnieB you have successfully hijacked this thread and while we may have every sympathy for your situation, Happygran is no further forward on account of your rant against your MIL
By all means start a thread if you want to discuss your situation, but are you looking for advice? For validation of your attitude? For sympathy? For understanding?
Bear that in mind but think of how you would feel if somebody hijacked your thread to have their private rant.

@GraineyLaine Not every new parent wants their parents or in laws “helping”. I certainly didn’t want it and it doesn’t make me a bad person because I didn’t. I didn’t want visitors at the hospital. Doesn’t make me a bad person. I didn’t want visitors around the first few weeks until my milk supply was established and there was some kind of sense of normalcy in our home. That doesn’t make us bad people, rude or playing favorites. The bonding between grandparents is secondary to the bonding of the parents. Grandparents are secondary to what that family needs. And every families needs are different. It’s when the grandparents act like entitled twats (stopping by for an hour for a cuddle, my son needs to get her balls from her purse etc) that there are problems. No one is excluding anyone until the Grandparents think that their wants come before the family’s needs

Nice post Grannylaine

Hear, hear Maw.

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Reported.

I don’t think you will Mike
I’d try a dating site if I were you.

@WinnieB
The words you seem not to have understood in my post are love, respect and caring.

And that is the point- there has to be ‘love, respect and caring’ on both sides. Despite the insistence of some folks here, sadly many folks do not experience love, respect and caring postpartum from their Mils. For every friend I have who did (and they are so fortunate) I have at least one who didn’t. It’s not as isolated an experience as folks are making it out to be, hence why I suspect there is more than what op has told us going on in this relationship.

@WinnieB, I really don't think there is any need for profanities when trying to express yourself. With all due respect, your experience with your MiL does not relate in any way to the OP. Obviously, sometimes, families do not see eye to eye for whatever reason, and they find themselves in difficult circumstances like yourself. But, as far as we know, with the information given, that is not the case for the OP. On the contrary, I'm sure I read way back in the post that she has a decent relationship with DS & DiL, and also with the maternal GM. So, in that respect, it does seem very strange, and hurtful, for the OP to have been excluded from so much as a quick peek at her new GC.

I fully appreciate that most new mothers don't want a whole load of visitors descending upon on them soon after giving birth, but a quick visit from BOTH sets of grandparents is hardly a major intrusion.

Can we just make it clear here that not ALL grandparents are demanding, overbearing, and only interested in our own wants and needs. Most of us actually WANT what's best for our children, and grandchildren. It's a shame that some people, it seems, have not been blessed with caring parents, but that is not the case for everyone.

And, can we also make it quite clear that maternal grandparents are also in-laws too, and it is not always the paternal grandparents who may sometimes cause issues within a family. Many sons have issues with their MiL too.

It is nice to read the many posts from daughters-in-law, and mothers-in-law, who do have good relationships with each other. It shows that we are not all bad people, but sadly some seem to think that we are all the same.

I do hope happygran1964 has some happy news for us soon.

Just popped back in to see if there is any good news, and see things have gotten quite heated.

I haven read everything, but I’d just like to add that Nansnet is spot on again, a lovely thoughtful post.

A good post Grannylaine

And that is the point- there has to be ‘love, respect and caring’ on both sides. Despite the insistence of some folks here, sadly many folks do not experience love, respect and caring postpartum from their Mils.

I agree that some do not experience positive care from relatives post partum ...from their own parents possibly or from their in-laws. Families and relationships are so different.

But although it MAY be that there is more to this than we are told on the information we do have, I think it is wrong to advise the OP based on conjecture or ones own negative experiences. She has been accused of being over bearing, selfish, demanding and a heck of a lot more and nothing in her OP, expressing her sadness at not yet meeting her grandchild suggests any of those things.

So although I dont agree with posters saying 3 weeks is reasonable, that is not because I dont accept that people have negative experiences post partum with relatives! The one does not automatically mean the other

Good post Nansnet and I agree that this thread appears to have been hijacked. Hopefully the OP will have some good news when she comes back to the thread.