Still not met three week old grandson.

agnurse whuch of my replies are you responding to? Something seems to have annoyed you!

send a card and a voucher for a delivery of cookfood meals for two. You need to stay in touch but not be pushy. Its a difficult time for them right now and not every new mum is mellow

agnurse
If that is true then how come her family are around every day. “You’re avin a laff”
The poor OP wants to say hello to her new GC
I really hope you are not actually a nurse as you seriously lack empathy.

Personally I think it's awful that you haven't actually seen your grandchild There is bound to be a small window in 21 days that you could have seen the baby, You weren't asking to be treated like Royalty , all you wanted , which is perfectly reasonable was to see your own grandson for a little while.

Of course it wont interfere with you bonding, babies don't bond in three weeks, they are hungry demanding little humans with no thought for the stress and worry they can cause to their long suffering parents. The bonding will come later .

Being a mum of both a son and daughters, it's only two of my daughters that have children. In both cases, their respective inlaws were invited to the hospital to see the babies as soon as was convienient and were encouraged to be strong fixtures in the lives of their grandchildren.

I sincerely hope you soon get to see the baby, and a little cuddle.

My son did thank me for the gifts.

Happygran for what it’s worth I think it’s time you met the baby, but if you’ve been told to wait then wait you must. Next time you talk to your son, tell him your so excited to see the little one,and leave it at that. It won’t affect the bonding process yet, I’m sure that will come in time. Congratulations

What's annoying me is that no one appears to be giving any thought to this mother and how she is feeling, or her needs.

There seems to be a general consensus that DIL is being "unreasonable" and "selfish".

She has just had a baby, for goodness' sake, and she is having some issues! Not replying to Grandma and not inviting her to pop over isn't being rude, it's called setting priorities. Right now, Grandma is not a priority. If Grandma can't figure out that baby and mother's needs trump her wants, that's a problem.

Scentia

They are probably coming around because she needs the help and support and because she feels comfortable with them there. She may be comfortable to have them around when she is pumping, for example. With her MIL there she may feel much more stressed.

Do you honestly feel that she is sitting around plotting ways to prevent OP from seeing the baby?

Eglantine is right but it is astoundingly thoughtless and hurtful , the situation that you have been put in! Yup grow a pair sounds somewhat familiar!

Me too Scentia.

If mum is expressing milk and needs peace & quiet she could go upstairs and let grandma have a cuddle downstairs.

What is it with some precious new mums these days? This is family for an hour. Get a grip new parents!

Agnurse

Don’t you think it’s just a bit sad though? I’ve no doubt mum is feeling weary, tearful and unsociable, but half an hour wouldn’t be too much to ask surely. Not that I’m suggesting she does ask to visit, but it would be kind and thoughtful if a short visit could be arranged.

I think you will find that I said in my original post that I totally understand that my DIL is knackered and disappointed at not being able to breastfeed my grandson that’s why I have given it just over three weeks to moan about it.
I think by now it would be fine to allow us to spend half an hour with the baby. He is actually bottle fed now and mum expresses as much as she can as well.

Urmstongran

This is extended family. Some mothers find it very stressful to have any visitors, even extended family, at first. Some babies do not want anyone except Mummy to hold them, and that's very normal.

There is a huge amount of physical recovery and psychological work that women need to do to recover after a birth and adjust to being new parents. They need to figure that out for themselves, and some of them need privacy to do that.

It comes back to the mother's needs trump anyone else's wants.

Does OP need to see her grandson? Does she need to bond with him?

Again, the mother is not being selfish to be putting herself and her new baby first.

Happygran - Congratulation on the birth of your grandson, and I sincerely hope you get to cuddle him really soon. You sound like a perfect mother-in-law to me! Surely it is usual to be overjoyed to show off your new baby to his grandparents and other family members. I know I did and so did my children, including the dil and sil! I do sympathise that your dil is having trouble breast-feeding, and it must be very time consuming to continually be expressing. However, you will be there to offer any help she will need, which she should welcome. In the meantime, ignore comments from agnurse in Canada, thankfully, and Summerlove! Best wishes to you.

Was it always this way?
When I had my four it was taken for granted that grandparents would visit ASAP either in hospital or at home. I had two extremely traumatic deliveries but it didn’t occur to me to not show off my babies.

Middle of the road here but if she's struggling to get the baby to latch she will be really stressed, and she's doing the best she can. Try to bear that in mind but gosh I do feel for you, 3 weeks is a LONG time. Send them an apple pie or some encouraging text message and just be patient.........

Thanks very much Patsy. ?

It's unfair to have the paternal GP's living just a couple of miles away, and have not yet given them the opportunity to see their GC agnurse.

What's annoying me is that yet again, a m.i.l. and GM is being seen as being unreasonable because she's still waiting to see her 3 week old GC, and in understandably hurt.

I'm glad your son thanked you for the gifts Happygran and I'm sorry I miss read your post.

I'm not sure how a visit from mum in law for half an hour would compromise all this recovery work from having a baby..

I’m sad for you Happygran and I’m sorry you have had to bear unkind remarks from agnurse. Just because you’d like to see your new grandson (it would be very odd if a grandmother didnt want to see their new grandchild), it doesn’t mean you’re unaware of DiL’s difficulties and it doesn’t make you a selfish person, as she seems to be implying.

Have you thought of cooking a meal or two for them and freezing them? You could text your son & see if you could just pop in with the food. Stress that there’d be no need for DiL to see you if she didn’t feel up to it or was busy with the baby.
I do hope you get to see them soon

Send an apple pie, as suggested, with a note inside it, saying "So when can we come and see the baby, then?" (Subtle, that's the way to do it)

She’s probably doing virtually permanent skin to skin to promote breastfeeding, spending a lot of time more or less topless, still sore and bleeding. Having her Mum there is totally different to having her MIL, it’s not her being precious, it’s called putting her baby first. If she gets over tired/stressed it will massively affect the success of breastfeeding.

Alright mums feelings trump everyone else’s, that’s as it should be. But unless there is a specific problem that we’re unaware of, it would be natural for her to invite her in-laws for a brief visit.

She seems a bit mean to me.

Totally agree with Urmstongran, I do not understand why the fathers family are less important.

Erm There is a huge amount of physical recovery and psychological work that women need to do to recover after a birth and adjust to being new parents

Thank you agnurse I had two myself‼️