Still not met three week old grandson.

If agnurse wants to know if she unreasonable she will start a post x

To be fair, agnurse gives the same stock reply to any post asking for advice on this particular problem i.e. grandparents are always in the wrong for expecting to be involved in their families lives and DILs are always in the right to reject them. Her advice rarely, if ever, alters no matter what the circumstances and it's this that some posters have recognised and taken issue with. Not all problems between grandparents and DILs are the same that agnurse has experienced with her own ILs and the solutions will therefore vary from situation to situation.

No apologies needed Nansnet

I think you can give an opinion on a thread Yennifer without resorting to making spurious claims about the OP which are not backed up by fact.

Maybe it was better back in the day , when you stayed longer in hospital. I was in for ten days with each one, first four days with no visitors, which I admit was quite nice.

Then they all appeared for a limited amount of time, and you weren’t expected to make a pot of tea.

My eldest daughter had a few days in hospital with each one, and we always visited with her in-laws. It’s a family thing, horrible to exclude one side.

Yennifer, surely, if certain posters, choose to post nasty, vile comments, then they can only expect to get comments back directly related to them and what they have said. Certain posters come across as being deliberately offensive, and it is obvious that they are simply trying to wind up the OP, and anyone else trying to give constructive advice without the need to be offensive, or upsetting anyone. Being nice doesn't cost anything. Most of us choose not to be nasty because it's unnecessary, but when someone is nasty they should expect comments that they perhaps don't like in response.

I agree with Sarah65 100%.

Yennifer, I don't think posters should be allowed post with impunity on here. If they make personal remarks, with no justification, then they should be called out on it.

OP, I was just wondering if there's any possibility your dil might have pnd and this is why your son and her mum are pandering to her seemingly rude behaviour?

It’s been 3 weeks since the OP’s own grandchild was born, not some random friend of a friend’s child. I think you should have been allowed to see him within a couple of days happygran1964.

I can’t think of any circumstance at all why you would be stopped from seeing him ?‍♀️

I feel for you waiting so long. My daughter and SIL asked that nobody go for two days so they could be on their own but then both families went, 2 sets of grandparents , 2 aunties and one uncle just for a few mins at the hospital the day before discharge and then I went to stay for a week to help when SIL went back to work but daughter had twins and it was very hard for her.

I do think a short visit is not too much to ask after 3 weeks.

Yes posters should be able to give their opinion as long as it is done constructively rather than destructively even when criticising and as long as it is based on what has been said rather than their version to just suit their own somewhat repetitive agenda. And Chewbacca I agree with your last comment

Crikey Happygran1964 some utter rubbish being talked on here by a couple of posters in the last 24 hours. You seem very sensible, rising above their ridiculous spouting. As you have said that the baby is now bottle feeding and you live nearby, why not just pop round? Is it just possible that your daughter in law is thinking to herself 'I wonder why they haven't been yet?'

Its high time that unpleasant posters were pulled up when they make up their own narrative and go out of their way to inject a sour note.

You've only to look at people stating how offputting it is on the "new poster, old member, lurker" thread.

Congratulations but what a palavar. Doesn’t matter what any of us lot think. The OP is being included, is being sent photographs and has been thanked. Being patient and respecting the wishes of others is not easy but can be attainable. My first encounter with first step grandchild was 6 months after birth due to being the other side of the world and many grandparents, maternal and paternal are in this situation.

You know, I think the DIL has been reading baby books written by agnurse!

Seriously though, I remember being influenced by “professionals” who made you feel you had to do it their way or fail.

Perhaps Dil has been brainwashed. limit contact, be insular, think of all those germs, be with your baby 24 hrs or you won’t bond, blah, blah blah. I think new mothers are totally overwhelmed by birth gurus. And it’s all so accessible online........

I'm putting money on something going on behind the scenes that you dont know about.
3 weeks is a long time imo, even if it was just for half an hour.
Not being able to breastfeed can contribute towards Postnatal depression.
Coupled with how shes feeling, what her hormones are like, what the delivery was like...lots of other contributions.
If they are getting advice from Midwives and Health visitors too. Advice has changed now so they might be taking their advice.

You just dont know so speculation does nothing. All you know is what they have told you. Keep contact and welcome pictures, they are obviously going through something so give them time. Good luck!

If a new born GC is on the other side of the world then it stands to reason that it will be some time before seeing him/her for the first time, but when that GC is only a couple of miles away it's unreasonable.

I agree MissA, Madgran and Chewbacca we all have different points of view but there's no need for them to be expressed unpleasantly.

I am a bit late to this conversation but can’t help but think you are being treat very badly Happygran and I’m sorry but a video of your new grandchild after 3 weeks just doesn’t do .

I am a paternal and maternal grandma and am very lucky that my DDiL recognises that I am as much a part of her and my son’s children’s lives as her mum is, which is the way it should be for you too.

A very good and sensible post from Newmom101 .

I can’t imagine what your son must be thinking .

I couldn’t be bothered to read all the replies, particularly as there seemed to be animosity developing. I would just say that the best things are worth waiting for, and just to hang on in there. As grandparents, we don’t have any rights. We had those with our own children. I’ve always felt that my children were a blessing, and just ours, mine and my husband’s. There’s a much bigger mix with grandchildren, and although every minute spent with them is a delight, we’re not in a place to hanker. I’m sure you’ll see him eventually, but until that time, you have to be patient. To do anything else could jeopardise any future relationship. Congratulations by the way.

March

You may be right, but it wouldn’t hurt them to explain if there’s a problem, even if they don’t want to go into details.

Happygran so glad you have received the video of your new grandson, you will soon be visiting xx

I've come late to this discussion and have to admit I skipped through some of it. I agree with you, endlessstrife, you will see him eventually and a lot of harm could be done if you force the issue. Your son is doing his best with photos and videos, as well as looking after his exhausted wife and new baby, not to mention the overwhelming feelings of responsibility he must feel.
I really don't think bonding with you at this early stage is going to be a problem - I first met my DGD when she was 6 months old, and it was pure love at first sight! Tears and cuddles at the Arrivals at Heathrow.
Congratulations on becoming a granny and best wishes to all of you! Keep calm, keep loving, and most of all ,be patient .

Some of the comments on here are so snide and I think they come from women who were/are probably the nasty, spiteful DIL’s we hear about. Having a baby doesn’t give women the right to turn into harridans from hell. Of course the OP should have been allowed to meet their grandson. The DIL’s family are there everyday and 3 weeks on she hasn’t been allowed to meet him? This is wrong and spiteful and the DS should take a stand and say he’s inviting his parents round to see his new son. A short visit to meet him
is no big deal.

True Sara, but maybe DIL doesnt want a fuss, people to know or whatever. I remember feeling very vulnerable after my first, I was very low and worried people saw me as weak or not being able to feed/look after my child properly.

We just dont know.

I’m glad you get to see a video of your grandchild yesterday. Keep being patient and you will be invited over soon I am sure.

We’ll said tickingbird**

Well