Gransnet forums


AIBU to be fed up with some posters who cannot accept others have different opinions?

(167 Posts)
aprilrose Mon 24-Feb-20 06:06:39

I am about to go to work so dont expect me back soon.

However, I have to ask - is it unreasonable to get fed up with some posters who seem to feel that they have to have the last word on anything and everything? Who constantly need to preach some political or social agenda, no matter what the topic? Who cannot accept others do not necessarily care about the things they care about and feel the need to "educate" you into sharing ( or at least expressing their views out of fear)?

Surely we are all old enough to recognise we have differences and we do not all share one brain cell, one life experience and one set of opinions on things?

I would love to just be able to declare my views sometimes and not have to meet with the "shock and horror" of others who think I am being too hard, or not caring for the rest of society . I am not sharing their views or their bigger picture.

Why cant we have our own views, listen to others, realise some may have different views and opinions and accept that? I dont mind a debate any time but to throw rude words , phrases and comments like " you are uneducated, you are stupid , you are an idiot and to belittle people I feel goes too far. Am I over reacting? Maybe I should just give up GN?

petunia Mon 24-Feb-20 06:27:46

April-i think you are right.

Views, not just on gransnet but in the wider population have become so polarised. If you dont agree with someone, then you clerarly hate them. I believe social media in general has a huge part to play. Facebook is a great example. Someone posts a photo or comment that you agree with and so you “like” it. The way that Facebook works means that you get more of the same. As more and more people see it, and “like” it, the comment gains momentum. Suddenly, that point of view is the only one you will see and comments get more and more one sided. Its easy to then believe that everyone agrees with you.

Brexit didn't help when passions were high. To admit to voting for Brexit was almost like saying that you enjoy clubbing baby seals to death before breakfast and that you were a knuckle dragging thug.

As I get older, my opinions have become less black and white and have become more 50 shades of grey. Theres always a middle ground but we live in a society that chooses to take sides.

GagaJo Mon 24-Feb-20 06:32:02

Absolutely. Those that see it as a place where they can hold others to account and DEMAND that they justify, explain and argue because they're unhappy with your perspective.

Frankly, as if we all have the time to do that (even if we did have the inclination). I'm occasionally up for a heated discussion but only if and when of my choice.

Sparkling Mon 24-Feb-20 06:43:49

You are right April. I think it's healthy to hear people's experiences and views on life, it doesn't mean we would necessarily do as they do, but sometimes a person can give youbacdifferent perspectivecand make you think again. Once a person resorts to being down right rude, I just would not respond back. I am not on Facebook, all those friends, who are they all?
Hope you have a good day at work April.

annep1 Mon 24-Feb-20 06:57:17

I totally agree. We can disagree in a calm civilized manner. I have just read someone on a political thread referring to another posters remarks as the most stupid thing posted. Everyone is entitled to have an opinion based on their perceptions. Posting rude remarks says something about the poster.

BlueBelle Mon 24-Feb-20 07:22:22

The reason I only occasionally venture on the political threads
GN just mirrors life in general and I think this country has become a very sad place I personally think instagram and twitter are even more to blame than fb The celebrities and politicians use these constantly to rev people up into the herd mentality
I was trying to think the other day why things have become so verbally vitriolic lately and I suppose the internet really is mostly to blame because the opinion normally people kept to themselves or chewed over with a few people is suddenly out there for all to agree or disagree with
The political situation has completely divided the country in half as it has in US and some other places and become overwhelmingly loud and aggressive I remember when no one ever declared what ‘side’ they were on, no one would ever ask you who you voted for it was a SECRET ballot hence the little screen thing around the voting booth I remember being told at home never talk about politics or religion I don’t agree that you never should but be prepared that we re all different and agree to disagree
I did get jumped on a couple of times on the ‘local’ fb site because I said I was fed up with only ever hearing negativity about my town which has had a slump (like most places) over the last ten years but I firmly believe that if you can build up a positive attitude towards your surroundings you are more likely to improve than if you just sit at home calling it names I won’t tell you what I was called it’s not printable on here needless to say it wasn’t pleasant
I m not sure what will happen, maybe a disaster will pull us all together from the brink but what a reflection if the only time we can come together is if something catastrophic happens
Sad times

hondagirl Mon 24-Feb-20 07:34:16

Yes, I agree. There seem to be some posters on here who do not seem capable of having a civilised, intelligent debate and
always feel it is appropriate to make a personal attack on others. I have decided not to rise to it but just ignore them.

vegansrock Mon 24-Feb-20 07:45:24

Basically, you want to stop any debate or discussion.

kittylester Mon 24-Feb-20 07:49:40

vegansrock please read hondagirl's post. She uses the word civilised.

Oldwoman70 Mon 24-Feb-20 07:51:32

I disagree vegansrock It is possible to have debate without resorting to insults.

In fact, using insults actually stops debate. If someone is on a thread and receives insults and abuse for their opinions that person will just no longer contribute to the thread leaving it to the same people agreeing with each other - that is not debate

Marydoll Mon 24-Feb-20 07:56:09

I don't think the OP wants to stop any debate or discussion, she is highlighting the fact that some posters resort to rudeness and personal remarks, when someone doesn't share their views. It's so easy to do, when hiding behind an anonomous user name. Even the most innocuous of threads can descend into nastiness.
That's neither a debate nor a discussion!

Daisymae Mon 24-Feb-20 08:07:58

I think that views are entrenched and with the anonymity of the net some posters will voice opinions much more vehemently than in the real world. Seems to happen everywhere.

Grammaretto Mon 24-Feb-20 08:10:28

I tried to voice my views and dipped my toes into the political water on GN once but something snapped at me. It's surprisingly unsettling.
So you ANBU to want to be able to share your true thoughts without risk.
How many thousands are on GN? There are bound to be a few who are extreme or have mental health problems.
Sometimes when I'm scrolling through a thread I read something which touches a nerve and have to resist the temptation to launch in with a retort. Keep calm and count to 10.
Listen and be prepared to admit you may be wrong. This applies to me and others.

Nightsky2 Mon 24-Feb-20 08:12:10

April you’re absolutely right. There’s a lack of basic good manners even by those you think they know it all. They get their kicks out of attacking others. I could name and shame a few but I won’t. I must watch my spelling as I have noticed that my iPad sometimes misspells some words😉.

Gaunt47 Mon 24-Feb-20 08:17:00

Debates and discussions, exchanging views and ideas I enjoy, but being lectured at and talked down to is insulting, and out of place in, for instance, a chat thread.
So Aprilrose you are not IMO unreasonable in being puzzled as to why certain posters resort to insults. But I doubt it will stop!

vegansrock Mon 24-Feb-20 08:19:14

Some people think anyone disagreeing with them or pointing out some inaccuracy is an “insult”. Its not just a matter of accepting different views, if someone makes some sweeping or wildly inaccurate statement it’s not just a view is it? Why should pointing that out be insulting? I don’t mean calling people names -that’s not a debate- and I’ve hardly seen any of that. If you just want to have lots of hand holding and everyone agreeing with you maybe you’re in the wrong place. If “sharing true thoughts” is deemed offensive by some then they should have a right to point it out surely? Perhaps we could have a specific example.

suziewoozie Mon 24-Feb-20 08:21:17

april is feeling cross because like many a right wing GNer she thinks facts are an optional extra. Constructing an argument on totally false information and not expecting comeback is rather silly. It’s not just a difference in opinion - is about being right or wrong factually.

suziewoozie Mon 24-Feb-20 08:22:39

X posts vegan - agree about giving examples. M

Greymar Mon 24-Feb-20 08:24:45

Oh come off it OP. You had a bit of a day yesterday, saying some unsubstantiated things and you have started going on about Corbyn this morning.

Not everything and everybody is binary. Many people are not keen on BJ and not keen on Corbyn. It's been flogged to death.

Regarding being polite, it is possible to have a veneer of politeness and be very unpleasant, smug and cliquey underneath.

GagaJo Mon 24-Feb-20 08:27:57

I take your point, Suzie, about facts. They are immutable.

I also agree with Vegan. Disagreement isn't an insult. LIFE is about debate and compromise.

BUT what isn't acceptable is insulting others.

There are right wing posters on here that in the political forums, I will argue with (MY choice if I do or not) until I'm blue in the face. In OTHER forums, I put politics aside and talk about whatever the topic is with them.

Online is not that different to RL. Are there people in RL that I think are vile racist/bigots/sexist/right-wing that I talk to politely on a daily basis? Yes. Do I like them or have them as friends? No. BUT if I work with them or live near them, I have to tolerate them. Same on here. I may despise someone for their belief system, but if we're talking about what we had for breakfast, polite and civilized rule OK.

Marydoll Mon 24-Feb-20 08:29:58

I didn't realise there was an underlying reason for the OP's question. I took the OP's post at face value and answered on the basis of that.
That's why I stay away from the political threads!

However, I do get annoyed at people who post nasty comments on gentle threads, which are trundling along quite nicely. Recently there was a nasty dig at someone on a bereavement thread, I was so glad to see it deleted, as it was so unnecessary.

suziewoozie Mon 24-Feb-20 08:30:14

Grey absolutely - and your last sentence is spot on. Some posters have that off to perfection. Posters piling on on this thread are probably unaware of the context. It’s like the wide eyed innocent child who comes running to mummy ‘ Charlie hit me and stole my sweets’. Perhaps better check what he’d done to Charlie first.

endlessstrife Mon 24-Feb-20 08:33:41

I’ve just found that mostly, I don’t get responses. Sometimes I’ve had people agree, but mostly they either ignore or disagree. I don’t mind that, because I’m really just responding to the OP, with my thoughts. If people disagree, that’s their prerogative. Occasionally, certainly on the Spiritual forums, I may enter into a discussion, but only if it’s pleasant. I stop if it starts getting acrimonious. I’m always fascinated by the diversity of people’s opinions.

suziewoozie Mon 24-Feb-20 08:35:06

Gag april s post is not about the wider issues. She’s frankly just in a strop about yesterday and wants a hug. To get the hug she is being unfair about other posters. Read the tone of her posts is general - far from pleasant. Heat and kitchen come to mind. No one starts a thread like this without an agenda.

Greymar Mon 24-Feb-20 08:40:05

Oh dear suziewoozie you really have no idea. Pretty much everything about you is in your genes

Nothing particularly rude here, just sarcastic and untrue.