grandson punished by not being allowed to visit us.

I may disagree with how children are brought up, but I don't see it as the place of grandparents to comment. I would not have been impressed to be told by my in-laws how I should bring up my own children.

We had a very good relationship, and I'm sure they must have bitten their tongue more than once, but they didn't criticise or undermine me. They brought up their own children their way, which wasn't how I brought up mine. Although we shared a moral compass, and agreed on a lot of things, we differed about how they should be achieved. Which is normal, I think? Each generation does things slightly differently from the one before - probably in response to how they themselves were brought up.

Family dynamics differ, though - maybe some mums wouldn't mind if their in-laws told them how to parent.

I wasn't allowed to look sympathetic when my grandsons were in trouble.

Minding my own business, saying nothing.. then..

Mother! Don't sit there with a sympathetic look on your face!

I agree that it's harsh, but there's nothing you can do it really should do but support the parents and look forward to the next visit. Making too much of this is good for no one

It is up to his father to discipline his son in the way he sees fit. It may not be your idea of what is appropriate but it is not up to you.

As others have said, he really should not be travelling between two houses just now anyway (if that is what is happening).

"I feel this is unfair to all three of us and another punishment should be worked out, not punishing us as well"

So your concern is not that your gc lied and he is punished. You are not concerned that your grandchild might have some discomfort for being punished

Your main issue is that you won't spend time with him

That seems a very selfish agenda to me.

ouma6.

I have sympathy. You'll miss seeing him this weekend. He's 7, not 15. The punishment seems very harsh to me.

But you can't do much about it unfortunately. Parents are in control. I do feel for you though.

It’s far from an the ideal punishment but given the circumstances his family are doing everyone a favour by not mixing households and observing the great big lockdown we’ve all been under for weeks.

How big a lie can a seven year old tell?
How will they punish him when he's older if that's what they do now?
And why shouldn't the grandparents think selfishly. They were looking forward to their gc visit. Poor child..

And why shouldn't the grandparents think selfishly. They were looking forward to their gc visit.

The majority of us aren't seeing our grandchildren due to the lockdown

There are obviously some people who don't understand what that means

OP still hasn’t returned to explain the questionable or at least confusing domestic arrangements has she?

I don't understand any of it. Child can't visit. They are in lockdown together. They look after the child when both parents are at work. They only see the child for 6 months of the year

According to the lockdown rules this is how it should work.
Both families should be in lockdown.
If the parents are essential workers the child should be in school.
There should be no visits.

They're living together. She says that in her post of 24.4.20 17.01. The grandparents are the child carers when the parents are at work. Grandparents are in lockdown but parents are working. She hasn't said, but it sounds to me like either a big house or a house and a flat.

The school places are limited. So parents are encouraged to make other arrangements where my daughter lives. Daughter and exhusband are essential government employees and share childcare. The children go between both homes depending on which parent is having a work at home day. It's allowed.

Gagajo The post says "lived with us when small". Then later post says "we are in lock down together"
original post says "he only spends 6 months of year in our area"
and it is "dad and girlfriend" not mother.
So the two households this child should be moving between are his mum and dad's. If Grandparents are in lockdown why is Grandpa only available at weekends? Strikes me there is little social distancing going on here.

I think people are too concerned with the arrangements which are not always black and white; rather than addressing the issue of punishment.

annpl so which is more important that a child should be punished by his dad or that people should obey the lockdown rules? I'd say the lockdown.

| Private message annep1 Sat 25-Apr-20 11:44:36
I think people are too concerned with the arrangements which are not always black and white; rather than addressing the issue of punishment
Indeed, and it is not the grandparents’ responsibility (and even less GN members’) to decide on the “punishment” . Do you remember “This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you”?
Punishment frequently causes unhappiness (in the short term) to others, but lying is not to be encouraged.
The lockdown is itself a very black and white arrangement and should be treated as such. .

Well its not a private message. Of course lying is not to be encouraged but as I said before this punishment will do exactly that..
It's up to all of us to make sure children are treated fairly. In my opinion. If a child was being smacked we would interfere (I hope). This is too harsh a punishment and the child is powerless to do anything. We are talking about a very young child.
Lockdown is not black and white. eg Hospital workers have childminders coming to their homes. And I have explained ny daughters arrangements.
We don't know all the circumstances. And it sounds like the real mother does not live close.
Perhaps people could just give opinions on the issue as requested!

I don't think it's too harsh a punishment, actually.

It depends on the lie, it depends on whether lying is an issue, it depends on lots of things.

No idea what your GS lied about or even why he lied, so difficult to say much .
However, no point in trying o discipline a child if the child will just ignore what he did in the first place and carry on doing it. Maybe, without your knowledge, it is not the first time , other things have been tried and failed and he won't forget this in a hurry!
Keep out of the argument and next time you see your GS, you must back his parents up with quietly reinforcing that he was wrong to tell a lie(s). Do not, whatever you do, pat him on the head and let him get away with it or you are on the path to destruction of any relationship with his father.
I am also confused about how he seems to be shuttled between the two homes.

Add comment | Report | Private message annep1 Sat 25-Apr-20 12:17:39
Well its not a private message
FGS I merely copied your post - using the desktop site- had you never noticed the format?

I copy text without including "add comment etc..." as illlustrated below... fgs!

FGS I merely copied your post - using the desktop site- had you never noticed the format?

And no one will ever persuade me this is how to punish a young child. Very strict parents indeed.

MissAdventure Iv had the very same discussion with my mum looking sympathetically at my eldest when she’s in trouble. Unlike you though I’m fairly confident the moment my back is turned my little rogue is being given a treat by her Nanny

But the snitty remark about it not being a private message was entirely superfluous.

I don't actually know what snitty means. I merely noticed private messsage. Perhaps if I hadn't been in a hurry I might have realised what you had done. Was just letting you know.