grandson punished by not being allowed to visit us.

He's not grounded. He's not being allowed to visit his grandparents.

annep1

So...he’s grounded.

I understand, maddy- I was pointing to the difference in wording- You cannot go to the sleepover vs you cannot see somebody-

Aside from that, I cannot comment on the OP's story because I don't understand it-

I am not going to get into the issue of lockdown because it is the principle of the punishment that is in question. If it were my grandson, I would be backing the parents that there needs to be consequences for lying but I would also talk to them about whether there was a need to punish me at the same time. However, I think that for my grandson it would probably be the punishment that would make him stop and think the most (were he able to understand it at all) so my overwhelming thought would be it is more important for him to grow up being honest than me seeing him. At the end of the day, our overall ambitions for the child's happiness should be the goal. Liars are rarely happy people and trust is extremely important to building strong relationships.

It's only one time for goodness sake; why the am drams!!! My granddaughter is 8 and, if this was her punishment for misbehaving, she'd never do the 'crime' again for sure. Rather me considering it was 'punishing' me, I'd think it was the parents who had lost out on a rest!!!!

I think she would lie again to stop herself getting into trouble if she knows she will be punished so harshly.

Annep1

The way you write it, you would think the child is going to jail or military school!

My own children adored their grandparents who were the best GPs you could want. I could never have done this to them or my children. I feel really strongly about it. What if one of the GPs took ill before the next visit?

annep1 …. I agree with your posts

Ideally you should all be in agreement and working together on teaching the child right from wrong but with the parents very much in charge of how they waish to play it ......if the parents see this as the way to go then you could have a gentle word with your grandchild about how you understand why his/her mum and dad are worried about the lying and you understand why they felt he/she should miss the weekend treat as a consequence of that wrong behaviour. Talk to your GC about why it is important not to lie, and say you look forward to when they will be staying again...etc etc.

I personally would not view this as "punishing me"...the action is not about you at all...it is the parents way of teaching their child that there consequences for wrong behaviour!!

"My own children adored their grandparents who were the best GPs you could want. I couldneverhave done this to them or my children. I feel really strongly about it. What if one of the GPs took ill before the next visit?"

You are projecting so heavily in this thread.
This gc is not your gc, OP is not your mother.
Not all families function as yours did

About what if they fall ill before the next meeting - it is manipulation and guilt trip.

Anyway, if they feel ill, I would be worried of my child had visited them and got the same illness from them.
I would be sad for the grandparents but glad we may have stopped the spreading.

Namsnanny thanks. I felt so alone.

What is very obvious to me is that this topic has run into five pages but there has only been approx two posts by the original poster !! Obviously the subject has cause a lot of discussion but the person who instigated it hasn't been back , maybe lurk and read but doesn't see the need to comment. Very odd .

About what if they fall ill before the next meeting - it is manipulation and guilt trip.

You can't turn the clock back if you make a wrong decision.
But I'm afraid we'll just have to agree to disagree. Perhaps you are right Hithere, families are very important to me. And that includes aunts uncles grandparents etc.

Annepl, are you suggesting that anyone who sees the situation differently from you does not see families as very important to them?

Apologies if that's not what you're saying, but it does come across that way.

Annepl, the point i was making was that whatever you feel about smacking, you cannot impose that view on any other parents, if they act within the law.
it is not your decision.
you seem to be rather proprietorial about grandchildren. i would urge caution, as this is the kind of thing that can annoy parents and lead to LC/NC.
and it is open to interpretation as to what treating a child with love actually means in practice. some people seem to think it means giving them everything and anything they want. others think it means keeping to a strict routine so they feel secure. you can only impose your practices on your own children. that is almost a definition of a parent, the one in charge of a child. no one else is in charge in the same way.