Stepdaughters wedding

This is your Step daughters wedding, and really I don’t think a 9 year old and 15 year old boy will care if they go or not, The reasons why people are close to one another or not is inexplicable.
I think it’s lucky that there isn’t more tension and you are invited as a step Mother. Her own Mother might be wrestling with that thought.
I think you should just accept who she has invited, or not invited to what is her wedding,,,and leave well alone. Even if your husband asks her ‘ why’ she will know you are behind it, and you would possibly lose something of your relationship with her.

Talk to her - respectfully- let her father / your husband do this

Bloody big weddings all this formality I would hate to be at one table and my husband at another (not that I ve got one, a husband I mean)I think your husband should just casually confirm whether they are or not invited it seems dead mean to me if they’re really not but then as I said I don’t like all this formal etiquette it’s all for show and a huge waste of money
Now I ll put my hard hat on if I was a young person I go away on holiday to get married and just invite my immediate family if they wanted to come

Floradora, I would refuse to go too, if her step brothers were not invited.

Thank you all for the lovely replies,

Sorry Naty if my punctuation isnt up to scratch, my spelling isnt either as i seem to miss the S from your name ??sorry silly joke ...have apologised about my wrting on here throughout as im on small screen phone, hardly see it and always rushing as such,
I too have doubts large weddings will go ahead by then but its a waiting game,
I feel we have a good relationship and either way it'll get sorted, my husband will rsvp as if all invited, hes made his mind up, I'll just wait and see,
They are step not half brothers x

Could it be a simple as the bride thinks its a given that your sons will attend. Maybe it was her mother who wrote the invitations and assumed you would bring the youngsters. When I got married 1st time the invitations came from my parents Mr & Mrs whatever invite you to the wedding of their daughter Maggie etc. I do understand how you feel having been in a similar situation.

I agree the invites need clarifying - sooner rather than later. And best not to pussyfoot around - arrange time to speak and be clear and direct but not forceful. As you quite rightly said, it’s their choice after all. Step families are often tricky - at my wedding, I didn’t even have a top table as I didn’t feel I could deal with the confrontation but by the time we got to Christenings I was open and honest with everyone and family will always be family no matter what. Good luck.

Given the virus situation the wedding might well not be happening this year anyway problem solved !!!!!

This is for your husband to deal with. He knows your feelings.

Hello, and welcome to Gransnet.

I think I’d do as someone else suggested above and ask simply if she intended to include the boys, as if not you will arrange childcare? Say it with a smile and it won’t look like a criticism.
Say you’re just checking.
That way no blame can be apportioned and it will keep things on an even keel.

Good luck.

Hi there, I do feel for you and I haven’t read all your replies so apologies if this has already been said. As you have a good relationship with her I would contact her and ask her just to clarify the invite as you don’t want to make a mistake and you understand if she is limited to numbers etc etc. Try and keep it in the same context of a conversation you’d normally have with her. Hopefully it will be resolved one way or another and your stress will be eased. Good luck.

Hi Kamj
Welcome if your new here. Loads of advise already given. My only input is having helped organise my daughters wedding. By now the seating plan will have already been put in place along with deposits paid for how many covers they are having at dinner. So it’s not a case like in a restaurant where you can just stick a couple of chairs at the end of the table for children. I feel just assuming on the invite is a huge recipe for disaster and would cause an awful lot of rearranging just to add them on. One question as it’s your husbands DD has he paid for the wedding.

I think maybe she would have invited them if they were your husbands natural sons- as they would be her 'half brothers', so her 'blood family'.But theyre step- brothers,so maybe she doesnt consider them as close as you do.-ive remarried (& since divorced)over the years but my kids never use the term 'half siblings' and only reffer to as brothers/sisters - they are all blood related though- but my youngest daughter,her father remarried,and we all get along fine- her siblings on her dads side she also calls her brothers/sister. And in fact i get on with her step mum better than with her dad.

If you feel it would be better for you to talk to your step-daughter rather than your husband, could you start the conversation by saying 'of course it's your wedding and your decision but can you tell me if your stepbrothers are invited as we aren't sure. We don't want to cause a fuss, just want to be clear. If you have a good relationship with her surely this would be acceptable? Good luck.

Is there anyone else that you know well who are going ? I would get your husband to clarify and ask if your sons are invited and if not ,that if possible could you sit with some people you know. It's much easier to sort it out at this stage .

If you accept, please don’t include children. Someone did this to us when their children were not included in the invitation, nor had we counted them into our numbers. I was furious.

Kamj

It seems from your last post that you have ignored advice and that husband and you will respond as if all of you are invited.

This is very wrong!

Your husband or you must have a conversation with her first to clarify if they are not invited and I'm sure she will give you the reasons.

You then need to accept the situation and decide whether you want to go. After all this is her day and you do not want to spoil it further by just turning up with no seat allocation for children...how rude that would be.

Hubby can deal with this - he could reason that you are happy/accepting that he will be away from you at the top table and how nice it would be for you to be with your children. Don't share any of this with your children it may sour relationships. Another thought, maybe costs are something to consider. Maybe hubby could offer to cover the extra cost if it hasn't been budgeted for? I do hope it all works out well for you.

Kamj Surely your SD doesnt expect you to be on your own ? Your Husband will be busy all day, does she just expect you to stand around like a spare part ? I think your DH needs to explain that you will be on your own all day.

Your husband cant really 'just R.S.V.P as though theyre invited'- you seem to get on better with her so just ring,& say just ringing to thank you for invite-& just checking,before i reply- are so& so invited too? As i'll need to arrange a sitter for (youngests name)? Then its up to you,depending on outcome.but as we've some of us said,there might be no large gatherings still by then.

Molly10, i haven't ignored advice, theres so much advice on here but all different, go, dont go, say, dont say, etc etc
I spoke to Hubby as its his daughte
r and he's RSVPing as if all invited, i told him thats probably not best way (though again done posts say it is)
Im at a loss to what to say or do for best,

Yes, Tabitha has got this exactly right.

Tanith, not Tabitha!

Just because you’ve married her dad doesn’t automatically give you rights to assume your children who aren’t related to her by blood or have ever lived with her get an invite
She’s an adult, she’s not grown up with them as siblings , it’s harder to make that kind of connection
It’s her day her wedding.
It’s up to her dad to ask but don’t spoil her day because of your ego

Are your children your husbands children or from a previous relationship? I think if they are his they should be invited, they are her brothers after all. If not maybe it is OK for them not to be. However as there are children going I think they should too, depending on her relationship with them and the relationship to the other children. Are they nieces and nephews or children of friends? If they are friendsl children I would be upset too.