Stepdaughters wedding

Why is she being mean? That’s absolutely ridiculous!
Where does that end? It’s ‘mean’ not to invite great Aunty Barbara’s 6 kids and 6 partners?

She may be perfectly lovely to them when she is with her fathers family. But if her father were to divorce or pass away the relationship with the OP and her children may end there.
The father is the one with the relationship to his child. The children he decided to bring into his home have no bond or love with the bride to be.

This is mismatched expectations. The father and OP thought that all the children considered each other family.
It’s a harsh reality that they probably don’t.

There was another post with posters wondering why some people didn't want to get married and instead live together.

What counts is to enjoy lives together, not spending a ton of money in a wedding that may create this kind of unreasonable expectations and fights.

Kamj good luck and I hope you can find a happy resolution to this problem.

I can understand how you are feeling hurt by the situation.
I can’t help wondering if the bride just carelessly omitted to write your boys names on the invitation.
But of course you need to have this clarified.

You’ve received so many variations of opinions here I suspect you have even more of a headache today!

Try not to stress over it ?

What amazes me is that second or any number of subsequent partners assume that the offspring of their new partner will have any feeelimgs for them other than acceptance that they now live with their parent. These second or third or fourth partners are always surprised and take offence when children from the original family show their true feelings. Please remember you are tolerated until their parent moves on or dies.

When DD2 got married, her new OH has divorced parents with other partners. The only way to do the top table was to have 3 tables at the front with me in the middle splitting the 2 sets of parents. The top table contained the couple , best men- he had 2 and bridesmaids x

I think when it comes down to it you have to decide which is better/ worse. For her to hold a grudge against you or you against her? Which will soon fade.
You can force this into an awkward situation between her and her father ( your husband) not very kind. That is s power battle not fair on him and if you win you will not be forgiven. Or you can accept the irritating fact that you will have to sit alone at the wedding breakfast. It’s not a joy, I can assure you. But this won’t be top of her priorities, you would just be generous to accept it.
Take the moral high ground; don’t involve your husband, don’t take your children and smile. Loads to gain nothing to lose. You can own this.

There is no way, if she’s a decent human being that she would come back and say her half siblings are not invited.

Not that it matters, but they are stepsiblings, not half siblings.

Out and out guilting her is an absolutely terrible way to Deal with any situation. It’s the fastest way to cause resentment, And will give her pause when she eventually has her own children on who she wants them to spend time with.

Agree with Tanith.

I'm wondering if your SD's mother is applying pressure on her and doesn't want your DC at the wedding. I'm with most on here, I'd ask her myself in a non confrontational way. It would be so embarrassing for everyone for your DSs to turn up and they haven't been catered for. Good luck, not the stress that anyone needs at the moment. X (there I've done it )

For the record Kamj, my feeling would be hurt as well.

I just think you need, or your husband needs, to have a straightforward kind conversation with no guilt whatsoever.

I would absolutely still attend, otherwise I think you could severely damaged future relations.

I do not understand posters saying they would stay home as a form of silent protest. Nor Do I see how her mother has undue influence over her.

Your children could absolutely still be invited and your Step daughter didn’t know that she needed to write their names or ‘and family’ on the invitation. But the only way to figure this out is to be straightforward with her. I think replying as though all are invited is a recipe for disaster personally.

Technically your husband should not be sitting with his ex but with his daughter's MIL However when you take on a divorced man you have to take on board that at weddings etc he will be sitting with/ in pics with the ex and deal with it

I don’t think Kamj stated she has any problem with her husband sitting at the top table with his ex.

She has a very good relationship with her SD and is hurt and puzzled by the fact the names of her 2 boys, the bride’s step brothers, aren’t on the invitation.

weddings are a minefield,long gone are the days when parents had any say in the guest list .I would assume if she wanted your sons there she would have askedthem.Lots of brides dont ask close family never mind step family they aquired through a second marriage.However much you think or would like to think that she "adores" them they aren't actually related at all .I'm fairly sure that there will be closer family and friends that will take priority

As per usual some quite unnecessarily nasty replies on here. Someone even accusing the op of putting her ego before that of the bride.

Kamj - don’t be put off by the nasty ninnies - they often come out bullying new members.

Personally, I would leave it to your husband but I wouldn’t go if it meant I had to sit on my own. Her day or not is no excuse for such thoughtlessness ( giving the benefit of doubt there). I think you sound very reasonable and many wouldn’t go at all under the circumstances. As someone pointed out earlier in the thread it needs to be clarified soon and the bride needs to own her decision.

Kamj, I agree with all those who think your husband’s plan is a bad one and could cause unnecessary trouble. I’d hate it if someone did that to me. Much better just to check politely as people have suggested.

He might not be passive aggressive, but that would be a passive aggressive thing to do.

Where will your sons go and what will they do while you are all at the wedding?
Your husband could ask his daughter to clarify as you will have to make arrangements for the boys if they are not invited, and this may mean that you are unfortunately unable to attend if you cannot sort something out for them.
That way she will not be upset with you. Perhaps.
Just a thought.

Leave for your husband to sort
Besides the way this virus is going I don't think you need worry, be only handful allowed anyway ...

Hi anyone eles feel like the corona virus is slowing recking there lives, not seeing my grandchildren is slowly killing me don't get me wrong I do talk to them on face time but they are losing interest you can't expect a 1 year old and 3 year old to understand why nanny's not coming to see them any more my worst fear is they became frightened of me and forgot who I am, things don't look like getting any better anytime soon here in Wales

I've noticed some nasty comments too. I am new and started a thread...I thought there were rules on here. It's always the people telling everyone else where their going wrong should be looking at where they go wrong! Must be great to be perfect and have a perfect life.

Good Luck!@Kamj

It's always the people telling everyone else where their going wrong should be looking at where they go wrong!

....she literally asked for opinions though?

We were once invited to a wedding - without our children. My husband replied that we'd be unable to attend. He thought it was rude to not invite the whole family.

Tempest, spot on with your comment. There is no reason why your partner's children would like you. Tolerate is the word!

7 months out from the wedding is early IMO to send out invitations. Are these actual invitations or "save the day" announcements? If the latter you may well find your boys are included on the official invitation.

Aww Kamj what a shit snowstorm of advice! I think you need to KISS it - Keep It Simple Silly
I agree with Tanith, just get hubby to talk to his daughter.
Perhaps they can go the evening after the meal?
I'll bet lots are going to the after who aren't attending he meal, or is it that closed?
Just hand it to your husband.