To be angry with my brother over our fathers death?

Let's begin again ..

The OP shares what she thinks of her brother with others, from members of her family to friends- People she knows, that know her and most likely her brother-

She comes here and does it again- This time anonymously -

The brother posts on Facebook-

The OP is not angry with her brother over their father's death, although that is what's implied- She is angry that he posted his feelings on Facebook-

It appears she is privileged to speak to anyone about him but he is condemned for sharing his thoughts-

She doesn't address this once, she shows no remorse for talking about him to others- He the pauper, she the queen-

No, really.

Let's not.

She is worth more, and he is worth less-

Sigh. Just forget it rosecarmel. The majority of us just don't agree with you. No matter how often you go over and over your point of view. Leave it. ?

She talks about her brother to others, to people and knows and to people she doesn't- The brother spoke out on FB-

The majority do think she has the freedom to speak about him to anyone but he doesn't have that freedom-

rosecarmel you you're not the brother are you by any chance? You seemly overly invested obsessed with this.

That would certainly explain the extraordinary outpourings Chewbacca*

Jings, there’s an awful lot being inferred from Buttonjugs’s post. She doesn’t say how long ago it was that he was violent towards, or threatened her mother ( not that that excuses his behaviour) , and nowhere does she say he was abusive towards his children. I’m taking it that her anger stems more from the hypocritical FB posts rather than the fact that she shouldered most of the burden of his care ( though I think she’d be right to be angry at that, even without the FB involvement).
I was a bit surprised to see only a couple of mentions of money, as it’s very common for grief to surface suddenly if a person feels there may be a shilling or two to be had!
Anyway, I don’t feel we should be judging anyone, just offering support to * Buttonjugs* whose behaviour I find entirely understandable, and I hope the siblings’ relationship can move on.

Ah, yes, it's your collective right to continue to respond but I must have some obsessive investment for posting-

Right-

Much like the OP, the majority have the right to speak while others do not-

Must be that deep-seated sickness the majority suffer from, being possessed with ridiculous royalty ..

Ah, yes ... Totally understandable for the OP to speak to who she wishes about her brother, to those who know him, and those who do not-for-profit And yet when the brother speaks up he is condemned ..

He apologized for speaking out and she did not-

He felt remorse, she did't-

rosecarmel I am sorry that you are clearly hurting so much from something that you find it necessary to return again and again to press a point with which the vast majority either don't agree at all or consider to be inappropriate to pursue under the circumstances. You've made your point numerous times, we all understand where you're coming from but, with a couple of exceptions, nobody seems to agree.
Please now leave the OP in peace on this thread. Please remember she was bereaved just four days ago. Show just a passing acknowledgement that this thread is the OP's, not yours and she and the rest if us, don't need your opinion laboured over and over, ad nauseum.
We've heard you, the majority don't agree, move on please.

"Please remember she was bereaved just four days ago."

Exactly. It is very recent and OP's judgement is clouded by her grief

Same can be said about the brother.

I see the double standard of giving a pass for the OP but condemning her brother for how he behaves.

Ffs

The OP's brother has recognised that his behaviour was inappropriate, hence his apology. Why is it so hard for some to see and acknowledge the same?

This board supports the OP 90% of the time, just by reading the posts.

When questions and clarifications are brought up, it is frowned upon and are encouraged not to participate.

Support is blindy patting the OP's back and validation of her feelings.

Only in very obvious cases (as crazy grandmas with way over the top expectations and demands) go against the OP, but it is very rare.

Move on please...

A polite way to say, "If you are not an enabler please be quiet."

OP is justified in her grief and behavior but her brother is not.

Some of us can see double standards and choose not to ignore that. Obviously the whole family is in chaos and blaming the Scapegoat never fixes family dysfunction -- it's a sign and symptom of it.

And rosecarmel is free to state her POV, as am I, regardless of whether anyone agrees with us or not. Popularity does not = correct/'right'.

Noddinggangan, I think not- I will continue, much like yourself, to contribute to this thread-

The majority have been repetitive -- ad nauseum ..

Popularity does not = correct/'right' I agree.

Agreement does not = enabling.

Smileless, why is it so hard for his sister to see she did the very same thing as he did and yet not apologize for it?

Because she!didn't do the same thing!!!

She didn't do "the very same thing". She didn't refuse to have anything to do with their father, which her brother was of course entitled to do, and then post on FB about him being a wonderful father and role model, to garner sympathy.

Why is it so hard for you not see that the brother was wrong when the brother has done so and apologised to his sister?

Jane10

We do not know the real reasons why the brother posted in FB.
OP assigned a reason to it and it was accepted as valid.

Yes. OP's brother apologized and is "wrong". Does that make OP 'right'? Nope.

Interpersonal conflicts aren't black and white. Healthy relationships are not a contest. Two wrongs or one 'wronger' then the other doesn't make one 'righter' then the other.

What's hard to understand about that?

Brother posted something inaccurate on FB. He apologized. So, where is his apology from his sister for her going off on him with both barrels without even talking to him about what he said? He isn't owed/doesn't deserve one because he's already admitted he was 'wrong' by apologizing, right?

With that mind-set it's easy to see why some refuse to apologize for anything.

There's been a lot assigning reasons and motivations on this thread Hithere and they haven't been coming from the OP.

You don't give an apology because you expect/want/hope for or think you're owed one in return HolyHannah. You apologise for what you've done wrong or failed to do to try and make things 'right'.

An apology given because the apologiser believes they're owed or deserve one in return IMO isn't much of an apology.