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AIBU

To be angry with my brother over our fathers death?

(203 Posts)
Buttonjugs Thu 21-May-20 13:10:25

My dad died on Tuesday, he had been living with me for the past three years since he was living up north and began to struggle on his own. I came to regret that decision because he lived far longer than anyone thought he would and I had given up half of my house. Some background: he wasn’t a particularly nice man, had been violent towards my mother with drink and when they divorced he threatened her with violence if she didn’t sign a form to renounce her entitlement to half the house and paid her a smaller sum of money. I have two brothers, one of them came over to take him shopping once a week, the other barely saw him despite only being about fifteen miles away. I had a horrible week as he got more poorly and had the paramedics out twice before they would take him into hospital due to Covid 19, but I could see he was dying anyway so it wouldn’t make any difference. I texted my brothers and only the one who took him shopping replied. The day after he died, the brother who had barely seen him posted a status on Facebook describing him as a wonderful father and role model. He got lots of sympathy and I was furious. He also seemed to imply that there was something odd about the death. He has tried to ring me a few times but I didn’t want to speak to him so in the end I sent a text letting him have it with both barrels about why I was so angry. Was this unreasonable?

sarahh1968 Mon 22-Jun-20 15:56:15

No you are not being unreasonable. Grief affects people differently but maybe he feels guilty?

ValerieF Wed 24-Jun-20 19:32:25

I was going to say same Sarahh1968. Grief is often combined with guilt.

Ok OP says she took her father in despite knowing his past history. Maybe the brother didn't see it same way? Who knows?

As for implying something strange about his death. That would be upsetting. What exactly did he say or is it just how you interpreted it? I think if you refuse to speak to him you will never have the opportunity to iron it out.

As for Facebook - well I don't know anyone who would go on and report a death negatively, nor would anyone offer anything other than sympathy. It means zilch anyway. Ignore that.

What matters now is how your relationship with your brothers moves from now on. If you value them, put the past to rest.