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Being monitored by my 11 year old granddaughter

(36 Posts)
Nopa Mon 08-Jun-20 16:53:15

Just looking for opinions as I am absolutely crushed that I am being tattled on by my 11 year old granddaughter to her mother. She is staying with me for a couple of weeks and find if I am asking her to pick up her room and dirty clothes, make the bed or get off tictoc it makes her anxious and wants to go home (3 hours away). I also found out she was not telling the whole truth To her mother and added in white lies as she was calling or texting her mother. My other daughter came to bring her home yesterday and I have been crying ever since as we had such a wonderful relationship before. I consider myself a wonderful grandmother, young at heart, athletic and will do anything to have fun. Help

Gramann Mon 08-Jun-20 19:47:23

She sounds very normal to me! I have been through similar experiences with 2 Granddaughters - it's not personal. They like to think they are grown up but the reality is they still children and a bit scared of the emotions they are feeling, but don't know how to vocalise how the feel.

Starblaze Mon 08-Jun-20 20:49:55

Of course phoenix but how can a child learn respect without being shown it? If you demand respect and don't give it. What you get may look like respect but it is only compliance. Children learn by example, how to give respect, by knowing how it feels to get it.

Hetty58 Mon 08-Jun-20 22:08:54

Nothing from Nopa to explain where she's based - or why she had broken the lockdown rules?

Callistemon Mon 08-Jun-20 22:18:19

Well, there are ways of getting children to do these things - do them together instead of issuing orders.

It probably doesn't work on those of 13+

Barmeyoldbat Mon 08-Jun-20 22:26:57

Nope, I understand fully how it must have been for you. I had my 14 year old wild child niece come to stay a few years back, her choice, but my house rules. She didn't like how she was being treated and wanted to go home after 2 days, to the other side of the country. I told her no, she choose to come and neither her mum or I were going to put ourselves out because of her attitude. All I can say its a phase they go through and by the way I am called her favourite aunt despite the harsh life I gave her!

Naty Mon 08-Jun-20 22:29:01

Just ask her mom. She'll tell you the truth if you have a good relationship. It's the terrible teens hitting hard, and her mom probably struggles with her too. The only difference: she has nowhere else to go when she's home. Ha!

wiggys52 Tue 09-Jun-20 13:24:26

I understand how you feel. 2 years ago when my gd was just 10 her father was in a extremely serious rta. My daughter stayed at the hospital with him and I looked after gd in their home (plus 4 horses, 2 dogs & 2 cats!) for 10 weeks. I found out that gd was texting that I wouldn't let her watch certain tv programmes, made her tidy her room, etc etc. Daughter told her I was in charge but that different people did do things differently. It was hard on all of us, as it was nearly a 3 hour drive to hospital each way. If friends were going to visit quite often they would take gd with them. We finished painting her bedroom - I was told off for moving her huge lego set up, but I put a lot of the strops down to stress. She missed her daddy dreadfully. So there were reasons for her behaviour but I tried to keep things as 'normal' as possible and roughly to her normal routine. Pretty sure she still likes me as when we meet up I still get wonderful hugs. So what I'm trying to say, at this age they are still trying to process everything and have difficulty verbalising. Goodness knows this whole C-19 is hard enough for us adults let alone children.

Lolo81 Wed 10-Jun-20 20:54:34

I agree with others who are asking why she was staying for 3 weeks. I know that my parenting vs my parents was and is very different, with a different set of expectations for the children. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, and for a few days is bearable, even a fun break: however I know that my children would have struggled with a longer period of time. This doesn’t mean you are a bad Gran in any way shape or form, it’s just very very different living with someone for a fortnight who has different expectations and reactions than what is the child’s normal environment. In your shoes I’d be inclined to ask your DD what specifically your GD was upset about - it could be as simple as home sickness. Please don’t stay upset about it, I think maybe you had high hopes for this stay and your expectations weren’t met which is why you’re taking it to heart: 11 year olds can be tricky, that tweener age where they are rational and irrational at the same time as they transition into young adults is tough. I hope you get to the bottom of it and can have a good chat with your GD to clear the air after you’ve spoken to her mum.

BibiSarah Thu 11-Jun-20 03:28:23

Perhaps the poster has read the replies offering advice and thought to herself - thank you for advice but I won't be acknowledging any replies given the tone of some of the others.

Not everywhere has been lockdown to the same extent as the UK and the OP doesn't owe anyone an explanation as to why her granddaughter has been able to stay with her.

Lolo81 Thu 11-Jun-20 16:20:42

That would be a real shame if the poster had been scared away. To clarify the reason I asked why the 3 weeks was more to try and ascertain if it was a wee holiday for the GC or maybe work or a health emergency or something which would give both the OP and her GC additional worries at the time of the stay, making it a bit more fraught. No judgement here, everyone has to live their lives as they see fit regardless of lockdown status and location, I hope OP can handle her feelings and resolve with her family.