Feeling surplus to requirements AIBU

Why not bake a big cake and secrete yourself inside it, so you can jump out on the big day?

Apologies, that was rude of me.

MissAdventure

Apologies, that was rude of me.

....but rather funny.?

Why make another cake ?
As someone said earlier it might look as if you are trying.to compete.
It is not a slap in the face .
As you say things move on.
Forget it

Elrel

Can you talk to GD, tell her how much you’d like to make a cake, not the actual 18th cake. Tell her it can be any design she would like.
I’m sure it would get eaten. Don’t forget to warmly congratulate GD’s fiend on their skill!

Elrel, saying what you suggested to the granddaughter would sound a bit desperate I think. Friend is making the cake and grandma doesn’t need to, no point making the granddaughter feel awkward. Grandma has done every special occasion cake for 17 years, time for her to step back now, that era has passed. We all have to adjust to our grandchildren as they grow Up and it’s not easy. Nothing lasts forever.

True

I am feeling guilty. I have only ever made a few cakes in my life. Definitely no birthday cakes... I used to buy those for my children. My daughter makes fantastic cakes in all sorts of designs, and bakes her own bread and cooks quality meals.. but I do nothing. .. I am a washout...but at least I did look after my grandchildren and take them on the school runs and out for little treats occasionally.
I agree with people who think Armoria could maybe take some cupcakes or other little cakes.. and don't feel offended! The granddaughter will always love her grandma, just as my grandchildren love me, useless though I am at baking.

Buy your GD a car for her 18th, that should put you firmly back into top spot, let the cake go.

I totally understand how you are feeling.
I used to teach sugarcaft & ran my own cake making business for years. Naturally I made all the family cakes- wedding, Christening, birthday - the lot.
Unfortunately there were 2 DGC birthdays while we were not supposed to be travelling to see family & my DiL made their cakes- very nicely too but I so missed making them.
I would have been mortified if a 'friend' had made them for her even if I was not able to do so.
Just get in early next celebration & ask what sort of cake they want this time.

I like Oopsadaisy’s idea of the car! But if that isn’t affordable, don’t worry.
If she is going away to university in September, make her a cake to take with her. She will soon have lots of friends. Whenever she returns home, have a cake ready for her to take back with her. Friends for life!

I feel for you I really do. Whilst it is a natural thing for times to change as they get older. It seems when it suits grown up children, when they want something that's OK. Why when ever it's the other way round are people told "to suck it up". What a very selfish world we live in.

I can understand your feelings but try not to take it as a personal snub. Your family know you make lovely cakes. That isn’t changing and there will be plenty of times to bake for them again. I agree that you shouldn’t make an extra birthday cake this year but other sweet treats would surely be appreciated. I’m sure you can make something special. If your GD’s friend is a similar age to her, making her birthday cake will be a big thing to them both, it may well be the friend’s 18th birthday gift. As for your DD’s attitude, I can understand that too, working in mental health is incredibly stressful, especially at the present time and if your DD’s workload is typical, she won’t have had much time for winding down and relaxing. That’s when those closest get snapped at. Difficult as it is, please try not to let your upset spoil the happy occasion. Have a vent to us Grans instead, we know where you’re coming from! I hope you all have a lovely day x

Say nothing yourself, but make sure your DH mentions your hurt to DD seeing it was such a milestone Birthday.

Given DD works in mental health she should be more considerate but it was perhaps just a misunderstanding.

Take some pretty little cupcakes cakes along, they're all the rage and can be taken home by guests.
You would be seen as considerate but not in competition.

Although restrictions are easing perhaps they were just thinking about ‘what if grandma couldn’t make the cake’ due to illness or other situation out of anyone’s control. A friend may be very good at doing cakes too - May even be thinking of going into business and may have said ‘my birthday present to you is a cake!’. Perhaps offer to make something else for the tea - fancy meringues or profiteroles or if you want to do a cake for her why don’t you do something super personal like a single cupcake exquisitely decorated. This is her special 18th, don’t let your emotions cloud this lovely day just enjoy it

Buy the granddaughter a car to get back into the top spot!!! Noooooo why on earth should she. Buy yourself a new car is more what she should be doing!!!

D's can be prickly with their mother's, often because they have busy lives and unable to express their frustration with staff or colleagues. The way I have dealt with mine is to treat it as a joke - oh dear, what's happened? When it gets too much, I hold my breath, and in a polite and kind way, I say "when you need me for something, I will leave it up to you to contact me". And I do!! It works for me and once she has calmed down, she will telephone or call in and make amends. Don't be too convenient that is the answer.

Are you sure that this isn’t a party for her friends and perhaps they were not expecting (or wanting) you to come?

I would not make anything unless asked.

At that age friends come well before family and may do so for the rest of her life. You may not see much of her now unless/until she needs something like money or babysitting when she has a family if she lives near to you when the time comes. Sorry but that is life with a few exceptions. Once at college she may not even want cake anymore . I would wait to be asked.

What does your husband think? He may have a sense of her teenage mind if he is teaching her to drive.

I would be happy to have played a part in her formative years and in the years to come you may see bits of your influence in her.

I was the go-to cake decorator for 35 years. Recently a distant relative disclosed that his 18 year old daughter was an ace cake decorator and suggested we exchange pictures of our work. I looked at some examples of what she does and they are beautiful, modern, interesting and nothing like my masterpieces such as a piano, an allotment, a trainer when my son ran a marathon, my 13 year old daughter’s untidy bedroom, a plate of salad, an electric guitar, dragons, dinosaurs, a rabbit hutch complete with rabbit, a swimming pool and dozens of others. Also cakes festooned with sugar flowers to my mother’s taste.

This is a very special birthday for OP’s GD who has seen the cakes her friend produces and wants a cake like them. There comes a time when we have to step back and let the young take over.

I understand your feelings and hurt ..but sit back this time, let someone else do the work, enjoy the event ....ask if you can contribute in some other way ...but most of all, enjoy the celebration.

It’s nice that your GD wants a party at all. My GD didn’t want an 18th or 21st celebration, and certainly not a cake, as they are all so figure-conscience these days. All she wanted was a good night out with her friends. I didn’t mind, as I’m not really very fond of big gatherings, especially noisy ones with lots of young people and loud music.
I’m sure that they would be mortified to think that they have upset you. They have just been rather thoughtless, as many people can be. Don’t, for heaven’s sake, get into a cake-baking competition. Just accept the situation, and look forward to obliging for other occasions.
PS. If you are desperate to make one, I Love Cake! ?

I wouldn't take it too much to heart. The offer from her friend might be by way of a birthday gift. Just go along and enjoy the celebrations, you've done your bit.

However, a couple of years ago it was Prom year for my granddaughter. From her being born I have made a great many of her clothes. They were all unique and "one offs" whilst maintaining current fashion trends. Naturally, I offered to design and make her Prom dress but DGD wanted the experience of going to the trendy shops to try lots of dresses on. Yes, I was a little hurt but I got over it and she still asks me to alter, replicate and design garments for her.

I really feel for you Armoria, you are not at all being unreasonable, I would feel exactly the same if I were you.

Grandmabatty's suggestion is the way to go, I think. A smaller cake but with your special know-how to make it special. As far as your hurt feelings go, you'll have to get over them I'm afraid. My GC's other Granny breaks her heart every now and then because they and her D don't want to spend more time with her. As she is always there whenever I am, I think we're very lucky to be included so much! My mother had being a Granny down to a fine art, (and there were a lot of us children, and we all had children!); she was always there if we needed her, but only ever when asked.

They're outgrowing you Grandma !
I would quietly make a cake but keep quiet about it . The friend's cake might go wrong and they'll call on you in panic ! If it doesn't , you'll still have a cake to enjoy later ( if you freeze it )
Don't pick at the friend's cake , eat it with relish !

Agree with everyone to not make a second cake; but perhaps there is another significant event (e.g., going off to college) coming up in the near future that you can make a special cake.