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Another family get together ruined

(114 Posts)
dortie145 Tue 18-Aug-20 15:49:14

My daughter and I don't get on. She has a 4 week old baby and my dgd 4 years old. They came down to visit my Mum with her husband for 2 days. I am in reduced circumstances and can't entertain. I booked a beach hut for them picked up the keys early got it ready played with my gd on the beach most of the day watched the baby cleared up after them returned the keys then went to work for 2 hours My daughters husband then had to go home for work. On my return I had a G&T before eating at 8. 30 on my own they had all dined. I then had a glass of wine my daughter lay on the sofa eating biscuits and breastfeeding and demanded I get her a glass of water I had just sat down and asked her to wait the evening descended into chaos with accusations of my lack of care and help and being drunk My Mum got involved told me off for having a drink so I left. I don't have a great relationship with my Mum but we had been getting on well since lockdown
This has happened so many times before now no-one is talking to me I am 64 years old my grandchildren are my life but I don't want to see them if we are going to row all the time
My childhood was full of domestic drama and I don't want this for them or to always be the bad guy.

nannyof4 Thu 20-Aug-20 22:12:56

Gee can see who doesnt like a drink here.

Hithere Fri 21-Aug-20 01:26:12

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Hithere Fri 21-Aug-20 02:44:43

Based on the title:
How many family get togethers got ruined in the past and what happened for them to fail

GrauntyHelen Fri 21-Aug-20 03:41:01

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BlueBelle Fri 21-Aug-20 04:27:00

Oh well your link to Dorties last problem hithere has answered all the questions for us
The lady has a drink problem and probably has caused most of the problems herself The mother has a drinking problem and the new boyfriend if he’s still around has a drinking problem
Poor daughter and baby
Are you still living with the new drinking boyfriend Dortie ?

No point in taking this any further is there ?

Madmaggie Fri 21-Aug-20 10:47:27

I had a mother like yours, nothing I did was right and the hurt never went but I just used to say 'we didnt get on' rather than say 'shes a real bitch to me'.
I have had 3 very big babies and at 4 weeks I could carry them as far as the kitchen and the sink to refill my glass or mug when that urge for a drink of water hit whilst breastfeeding. Perhaps if your daughter hadnt stuffed the biscuits down she wouldnt have been so thirsty? Perhaps she's used to being waited on? Why couldnt she have asked before you sat down? It does sound like your whole family take you for granted, you were tired, probably feeling cheesed off and this was the last straw.

dortie145 Fri 21-Aug-20 16:38:44

Ha ha ha hoist by my own petard lol I actually didn't know about the water breastfeeding thing I breastfed both of mine without a flagon of water by my side probably a flagon of wine (joke?) before the temperance society jumps in.
As soon as my son in law left for work I knew I was in trouble as he had been doing everything for her all day I have no problem helping I have spent days cleaning and tidying her house babysat all the things a GM does and I do not have any resentments toward my daughter and my GDs are my life but she doesn't seem to like me and having a drink is a trigger and I have learned my lesson Thank you for your comments and detective work so funny I do not need any further help apart from AA apparently?

FarNorth Fri 21-Aug-20 19:24:00

I hope "learned my lesson" means you will be drinking less in future, Dortie, especially around your daughter.

Maybe her being 'triggered' when you have a drink is because of a change in your demeanour, which you don't notice.
Or because she is on edge in case you drink too much.

If you treat the whole thing as a joke, and continue to drink as you say you have been doing, you can expect many more unpleasant family encounters.

Your choice.

Summerlove Fri 21-Aug-20 19:58:54

Good luck to you OP.

I’m sure you’re the only one who finds your drinking to be a joke.

welbeck Fri 21-Aug-20 20:19:15

i'm afraid it is clear to everyone who encounters you, and now to us too, that you do have a problem with drink, which you seek to dismiss and deny.
your family are probably weary with trying to express concern for you.
but you stubbornly refuse to address the issue, and divert into petty squabbles.
please seek help. while you still can. good luck.

Urmstongran Fri 21-Aug-20 20:49:01

Oh Hithere was that fair to bring in the OP’s words (without her permission) from a previous thread during lockdown?

I dunno. Seems a bit mean to me.

A ‘gotcha’ moment really. I felt uncomfortable when I’d read it.

biba70 Fri 21-Aug-20 20:50:57

Denial is all part of the process- your choice- and a hard one for some.

Urmstongran Fri 21-Aug-20 20:56:37

And there was I thinking you might be bringing words of support biba70

I suppose tough love has it’s place.

Hithere Fri 21-Aug-20 22:09:15

Urmstongran
It is information very relevant to this thread that is available in a public setting.

Choosing to hide your head in the sand doesnt work

Luckylegs Fri 21-Aug-20 22:57:39

Oh I find this unbearable! All you holier than thous standing in judgement on this poor lady. How dreadful to search out and reproduce her other posts to hold against her. I thought this was supposed to be mostly a lovely friendly site like talking with friends. It’s dreadful.

MissAdventure Fri 21-Aug-20 23:02:59

If I was her friend though, I would be pointing out that her drinking has been the cause of problems before.

That's maybe why I've no friends.

Chewbacca Fri 21-Aug-20 23:15:29

That's maybe why I've no friends.

Wrong! smile

MissAdventure Fri 21-Aug-20 23:21:26

Is it because I smell then?

Aww.. thanks. smile I know I'm a bit unsociable.

Toadinthehole Sat 22-Aug-20 10:39:38

So it’s decided then. Dortie is an alcoholic! I’m not sure I would have let my child have so much interaction with an alcoholic grandparent...not just that day, but any day, but there you go, we’re all different. Dortie, only you know if you have this kind of problem. I do hope you can resolve your differences.

Smileless2012 Sat 22-Aug-20 16:01:56

Nice response to di1964 Chewbaccasmile.

It would appear Toadinthehole that if dorie does have a problem with alcohol it's not an issue for her D providing she's booking a beach hut for them all to enjoy; doing the bulk of care of her GD for the day and clearing up after them all before going to work for a couple of hours, but heaven forbid she has a G&T, followed by a glass of wine with her meal and then horror of horrors, doesn't jump to it, when "demanded" by her D. to get her a glass of water.

Callistemon Sat 22-Aug-20 16:10:00

Smileless Indeed.

I'd have made myself a cocoa and gone to bed after a day like that, let alone waiting on a young woman.
Dortie says she has been to her DD and SIL's house before now, tidied and cleaned for them.
Why?

I think Dortie sounds as if she is in that unenviable position of being stretched like a piece of elastic between an elderly, grumpy mother, a demanding daughter, working and trying to be a loving grandma.

No wonder she gets stressed.

DorrisJohnson Sat 22-Aug-20 19:55:07

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Chewbacca Sat 22-Aug-20 20:08:51

DorrisJohnson why have you unloaded a photograph of a man's nostrils on so many threads? Don't understand? confused

Hetty58 Sat 22-Aug-20 20:11:38

dortie145, if this has 'happened so many times before' it seems that you're stuck in repetitive patterns of behaviours and responses.

Why set yourself up for more? Having been to work, being tired and needing relaxation, you could have taken yourself off to a private, peaceful area for a nice little nap instead!

Summerlove Sun 23-Aug-20 02:42:23

Luckylegs

Oh I find this unbearable! All you holier than thous standing in judgement on this poor lady. How dreadful to search out and reproduce her other posts to hold against her. I thought this was supposed to be mostly a lovely friendly site like talking with friends. It’s dreadful.

Real friends call you out on your issues. They don’t indulge self pity when it’s in your hands to change the result