Gransnet forums


Phones etc and manners

(111 Posts)
ClareAB Fri 21-Aug-20 12:54:51

My OH drives me mad when, in the middle of a conversation, he picks up his phone or computer and starts scrolling, answering messages etc. It feels like he's simply not interested, disengaged and bored.
It has got to the stage where if he picks up his phone and looks at it whilst I'm talking, I simply walk away and tell him I think it's rude.
He either doesn't get it, or simply doesn't care. Am I being unreasonable to find this aggravating and rude?

polnan Sat 22-Aug-20 09:39:46

and another thing..

the language has changed so much

how many times do you hear "Excuse me" said

Silverlady79 Sat 22-Aug-20 09:40:30


Peardrop50 Sat 22-Aug-20 09:40:56

ClareAB exactly.

Molli Sat 22-Aug-20 09:41:10

DH does this. He never used to. In fact he never had his phone on or even near him. But he set up a shop on Etsy so gets likes and orders through. So he’s always checking it! I now just stop talking or walk away. The irony is if my phone goes off and I don’t grab at it straightaway he says why don’t you ever Check your phone😂

gillyknits Sat 22-Aug-20 09:41:17

My DH doesn’t even have the excuse of a phone, he walks away when I’m talking to him, leaving me talking to an empty space. I have told him how rude I felt it is and he improves for a while and then relapses. I can’t bring myself to do the same to him because I’m not a rude person but next time I will!

TwiceAsNice Sat 22-Aug-20 09:42:54

I do take my phone with me when I go out ( don’t go out much any more) in case I need it for some emergency but if I’m with other people it stays firmly in my bag. It’s the height of rudeness to be on other phone when someone is speaking to you

TwiceAsNice Sat 22-Aug-20 09:43:19

Sorry your not other

Phloembundle Sat 22-Aug-20 09:45:45

I don't think men are interested in what women have to say unless it's about sport. They find our mundane talk about everyday life boring. They much prefer the company of their mates.

GreenGran78 Sat 22-Aug-20 09:47:11

We have a ‘switch off your phone’ rule at choir practice. One of our younger choir members begins to get quite twitchy, as coffee break approaches. As soon as we break she leaps up, snatches her phone out, and begins to frantically scroll through it. She’s almost like a drug addict overdue for a ‘fix.’ In fact I’m convinced that, to many people, it’s a similar condition.
People have no scruples about phones interfering with what is going on around them. Once, in the middle of our singing in a concert, someone’s phone went off. Everyone had been reminded to switch them off before we began. Nevertheless she pushed her way to the aisle, and walked to the back of the theatre while conversing on the phone. I wish that our conductor had stopped us and said something to the rude woman. Some professional performers have been known to do so.

Mamma7 Sat 22-Aug-20 09:47:59

It’s very rude and insulting unless an absolute emergency has cropped up and needs immediate attention.
I once threw my husbands phone into a hedge in the garden - it helped both of us for different reasons!
Also I have one friend who uses phone when we’re out for coffee/lunch even if we’re in mid sentence grrrrr - I just wait pointedly until she’s finished and now 99% of the time she doesn’t do it anymore. I can’t think of anyone else who does this thank goodness.
Family meals at home or in restaurants have had a phone ban on table for years so it’s not an issue any more.
I use my phone a lot but wouldn’t dream of using it when I’m with others.

KerryS Sat 22-Aug-20 09:48:02

We were invited out for a meal to meet our son's girlfriends parents and we sat there for some time, feeling very uncomfortable, when both of her parents, and my son and his girlfriend, were busy on their mobiles. It is not only rude, but embarrassing. So it's not only young people! We've since learnt that her parents constantly post photos of their meals, or their glasses of wine on social media with the message 'out for a lovely meal'!! Hence, I loathe seeing photos of other people's meals and drinks now!!! I just don't understand the reason - is it to show off, to make others jealous, to show what fish and chips looks like, or perhaps to tell the burglars you are out so they can break in??!!!!

SpringyChicken Sat 22-Aug-20 09:48:32

Walk away when he starts a conversation. He needs to know how it feels to be disrespected.

H1954 Sat 22-Aug-20 09:50:14

Your OH actions are extremely rude and dismissive towards you. I would fight fire with fire, when he wants a cuppa, his dinner, clean socks etc just sit back and ignore him, he will soon get the message.

I get very irritated by people who ignore a simple request via email or phone call for information which will ultimately be in their best interest; these people seem to think that I have a crystal ball!

Mamma7 Sat 22-Aug-20 09:50:27

Ps we were once at funeral when a ladies phone rang with Mission Impossible music (honest) she was so flustered she couldn’t find it in her bag for ages! Yikes!

Suzan05 Sat 22-Aug-20 09:58:10

My husband is the same with his iPad. He’s on it from the minute he gets up to the minute he goes to bed. No conversation and very often he ignores me if I try to start one or mention something to him. On rare occasions he answers but still with his head in the iPad. It’s hurtful and I’m left feeling lonely and of no worth.
On occasion he has complained that I haven’t told him something, when I say that I did but his head was in his iPad he refuses to speak.
If the tv is on during the evening he sits in front of it still on the iPad, I really don’t know what to do or how to cope with it any more.
This has caused so many rows that now we live pretty much in silence and in separate rooms He also spends time on the main computer which is his so I have no access to it. All of this started nearly four years ago, I don’t think he will change now as we are both mid to late sixties.

4allweknow Sat 22-Aug-20 09:58:58

Before mobile phones we did have nearly as much communication whether warranted or not. How many times did your landline ring in a day? There is this compulsion to have everything instantly now and a mobile certainly feeds that. Anyone persisting in looking at a phone mid discussion would find me disappearing and leaving them to it. There would be no further verbal communication. I would message them no matter how insignificant and then ignore any written response. Height of bad manners. Is that why so many people shout nowadays, the art of speaking is disappearing.

crazygranny Sat 22-Aug-20 10:00:11

It's rude and demeaning

GreenGran78 Sat 22-Aug-20 10:00:38

There was time when we were pleased to have a phone interrupt one of our concerts. Our conductor told the audience that her daughter was in labour, and put her phone on the music stand. Luckily it rang between songs. There was a deathly hush while she answered it, then, “It’s a boy”. He received a standing ovation!

Moggycuddler Sat 22-Aug-20 10:02:26

I would do something similar when he is talking to you about something and wants you to listen. Pick up a book or magazine and start to read it intently. Or look out of the window and start singing to yourself softly but audibly. When he says something about your behaviour, point out to him that now he knows how it feels when he does that sort of thing to you. If he does it again, get up and walk away, even if you are mid sentence. It's awful to feel ignored or as if someone (specially your OH) is bored by what you are saying. He is incredibly rude to you and needs to stop doing that.

Coconut Sat 22-Aug-20 10:06:27

It’s telling you straight away that he is not overly interested in what you are saying, really rude and bad mannered .... so many people are like it now tho. The art of normal conversation is getting lost !

Ellet Sat 22-Aug-20 10:09:05

Book a short break with a friend, when he complains (he will), just tell him you mentioned it several times and as he didn’t say no you assumed it was okay.
He will start listening to you in future. If he doesn’t buy yourself a new car.

T56ers Sat 22-Aug-20 10:11:16

I just stop talking. And then when, or IF, he wants to pick the conversation up again I just say I've forgotten what I was saying... which annoys him. Touché. One does begin to wonder if there is actually anything worth talking about.

Bull Sat 22-Aug-20 10:14:11

My kids used to to this at the dining table so they weren't fed until the phone was off or in their rooms.

Jillybird Sat 22-Aug-20 10:20:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ayse Sat 22-Aug-20 10:24:01

My daughter has decided to buy a basic phone to take out and about, just in case her children need her urgently. Apart from that her smart phone will remain at home. Two reasons:

1. The tracking ability of companies. Who knows what they are doing with data.

2. She’s fed up with being available all the time.

Phones are not allowed at the dinner table at all, for anyone.

I also feel it’s extremely bad manners to spend time on the phone in company. I tend to leave my phone at home. Very little is so urgent that it can’t wait a couple of hours. We managed to survive with public telephones and landlines without stressing.

As for DH! Well, I won’t talk to him if he has his face in the phone, watches tv etc. It drives me nuts, especially as he is partially deaf.