AIBU??

It is really hard but I would say go with the big girl's knickers. You don't want your daughter to feel torn between you. When all of this is over and hopefully we come through it safely you will know that you did the right thing. That does sound like too much time in a car for children anyway. I'm sure we can all remember what a pain it is for everyone when they get bored and start arguing and are kicking the back of your seat. A perfect storm waiting to happen.

I can understand your disappointment, but

It is the paternal grandparents' turn this year. That doesn't change because of corona.

Your daughter is still on good terms with her ex parents-in-law and that is the way she and you should want things to say.

So yes, you need to pull yourself together and be reasonable.

I was a little surprised at the plans you had sketched out for Christmas. Having one daughter visiting and then all going to visit the other doesn't seem the best of ideas right now, anyhow.

Come Christmas, it is sadly possible that no-one will be allowed to have visitors or go visiting.

It does sound like jealousy maybe your DD just wants a peaceful Christmas with whoever she chooses and at the end of the day if it had been your turn how would you have felt at been told it was going to have to be changed

Oh come on, Christmas is just one day. Make arrangements to bob up and see them on one of the days around the Christmas season. I love Christmas, I go to church and love all the glitter etc. Last Christmas we were so blessed to have all the bedrooms in our 5 bedroom house (and study sofa bed) full of darling family members, and I treasure the memory. Not going to happen this year! DH and I will have steak and chips and take the dog for a walk. We have done it before, he is my second husband etc. It is just as lovely.
As my daughter says, its just a day. Big girls drawers in order. Lots of love to you.

I wouldn't want to be subjecting a young child to a 3 hour journey one day and an 11 hour journey the next day - then presumably the same in reverse a couple of days later. Who knows what the weather could be like, too. Even if the child doesn't get car sick it's not fair to inflict that on a child.

Is the daughter you want to drive to working or have I misunderstood?

I don't think any of us can make plans for this year either.
We haven't all been together at Christmas for over 10 years and the other grandparents (all of them) see the DGC far more than we do but that's life, sad but just how it is.

Pack of Bridget Jones style knickers on it's way via ethernet.

its

Yes, grandtante driving in car with for hundreds of miles with one bit of your family and then all staying together in a house for a few days with the other bit of your family ?

Do you really think that's a great idea anyone?

I agree with Hithere & other GNs here. I wouldn't want to undertake many hours of travel at Christmas, even at the best of times - and this current time continues to challenge us all. While we don't know what's going to happen by Christmas, it's pretty clear that Covid will still be a major issue. Head over heart on this one!

I understand how you are feeling wiggys52. We have always gone to nearby daughter's for Christmas day but the year before last they said they would be going to their neighbours/friends for the evening and although they had said we could come they didn't want us to as we are not part of the group. I was quite upset but didn't show it. In the end we went for lunch then came home for the evening and invited a couple of friends over which was lovely. Last year we went to our other daughter at the other end of the country for Christmas. She is a much more inclusive type of person and we met with other relatives and some of their friends which was great. I am already worrying about what we are going to do this year. Feel like pulling up the drawbridge.

Do you really think that's a great idea anyone?

No

I wondered if we might have been able to relax more by Christmas but it's only a few weeks away and we just have to be prepared for a different Christmas for most of us this year.

Wiggys52

I’m very sympathetic with your longing to have Christmas as a family but I would not consider asking anyone to drive for 11 hours over Christmas. Preparations for Christmas can be exhausting especially for working parents so the festivities should be relaxed and not interrupted by long drives on winter roads. I am not surprised that your daughter has decided against it as that is the most sensible decision.
If you had asked them to stay with you after a 3 hour drive then that would have been a more practical offer. I don’t want to be harsh but your suggestion does seem a little inconsiderate to me.

Mine all live within an hours drive. I am sooo not having them all together at Christmas.

I'm not even going to see them in rotation. Another good way to infect your whole family!

Personally I'm not planning ahead for Christmas yet, it's too far in the future when the restrictions are changing constantly - I've been under local restrictions, taken out for a few weeks and now back in again! Who knows where we will ve by Christmas.

I disagree with those people who say Cgristmas is only one day, yes technically it is but the country seems to shut down for at least two weeks so it can be rather lonely for people who live on their own. Many activities such as Carol services, meals for pensioners, Christmas markets, volunteering etc seem to have been cancelled this year in my area so it will be a case of staying in the house.

I hope that any restrictions in place are not lifted for 24 hours just to allow visits, it would be so unfair on those religions who did not get these concessions, there were no special measures put in place for Eid for instance. Imagine the increase in cases in January if we all go visiting and spreading the virus!

If I do end up on my own, I'll just have to it up with it, I suspect I will come out of the Christmas period several pounds heavier as I won't be able to resist buying some ( a lot) of treats and alcohol!

well I think this virus has raised so many feelings inside of all of us.. why else all these criminal activities, fighting, stabbings etc? deep , deep thoughts go on inside me,, why is this? what is happening to humans, the world? so much that we do not understand..

you have to be kind to yourself, then as you say,, pull up big girl knickers! love that saying..

but be kind to yourself,, we humans,, deep sighs!

Just wondering does your DD also feel that her child might want to see her father over Christmas? Presumably if she's planning on going to the in-laws he will be there. When couples split up Christmas becomes even more of a nightmare. Cut your DD some slack, she's got enough on her plate, try to be positive for her. If you can, do a weekend before, or after, and make it your family celebration. Don't think she's neglecting you, she's just doing her best to cope.

3 hours + 11 hours drive away. Do you think this is a reasonable amount of time just to spend one day together?
You had your covid free time last year so why impose on your IL's time this year?
Yes it has been a very hard year for everyone but that's no excuse to expect your daughter and grandchild to travel so you can have a nice christmas.
Just a suggestion, why not wait til this is over & the weather is nicer and book a nice lodge inbetween you all and have some stress free family time.

Post out the gifts in plenty of time. Nobody opens them until the Family Zoom. It's up to you and your family to chose whether that will be like the Royals on Christmas Eve, or The Day itself, or Boxing Day. Dress up in your best/daftest Christmas jumper, for the Zoom. Cook the simple dinner you really want to eat. Fill your glass with your favourite tipple, cos you are not driving. Ignore the weather, as you are cosy and safe inside. Make things work for the time we are living through. Our Muslim and Jewish neighbours have already Covid coped with two big festivals. It won't last forever.

It seems a long time I’m sure since you’ve seen at least one of your daughters. Could you contact her and try to arrange another time to see them, explaining how much you miss them. Does it have to be Christmas? I think I’d ignore the date so to speak, and just get to see them all in one way or another.

Personally, I don't feel you are being unreasonable asking to see your DD this Christmas as the in-laws have seen so much of them this year and will probably be glad of a break.
However, I don't know if you are in the UK (can't think of anywhere that would be a total journey time of 14 hours!) - but if you are, as others have said, it is very unlikely that extended families are going to be able to get together this year.
If you can, a simpler solution might be for you to visit your DD 3 hours away for Xmas?
I really hope that all the Christmas hype takes a backseat this year and that people celebrate sensibly and quietly in the best ways they can.

Yes you are being unreasonable and let us say you are being envious rather than jealous.
You are bound to feel that way but we have all got to make sacrifices.
Christmas is more than 2moths away.
Forget it.

Oh dear, the old green eyed monster, I’m a fully paid up member of this club. To my cost. ?
Big girls knickers on, don’t let your daughter know how you feel. It can only cause bad feeling.
This year is far from normal, lots of families won’t be together, so we must just make the best of an awful situation.

Don’t see why people who aren’t interested in Christmas can’t at least show some sympathy to others that do enjoy it and are feeling sad and disappointed.

We will probably be having a very quiet Christmas so going to order a decent joint of beef and cook last year’s Christmas pudding that somehow got missed out.

Our butcher is looking forward to a good Christmas as most people will be in their own homes cooking their own dinner.

Go another day - I love Christmas with my girls but they each have other commitments so I accept that sometimes we are together Christmas Day and sometimes we aren’t. Every days a special day with those you love - who knows what’s going to happen with the virus , we could all be back in lockdown.

Kamiso,in case your post was directed to me,I should have said that Wiggy 52 should forget about worrying about Christmas now as it is more than 2months away not that she should forget Christmas altogether.
As others have said we don't know what will be happening then.