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(91 Posts)
wiggys52 Fri 02-Oct-20 00:14:08

Hi all, I'm wondering if AIBU. Due to Covid we haven't seen one daughter and grandchild since end of February this year. Hopefully by Christmas this will change and we have suggested that she and grandchild drive to us(3 hours) and then we all drive to another daughter (who is 11 hours drive away). Mini family reunion due to son working and possibly other daughter also working. She has responded that it is other grandparents turn for Christmas (true) but they also live extremely close, care for grandchild one day per week and see each other at other times and have done so for the last 7 months. Daughter has had a rough year, separated from husband, but still on extremely good terms with inlaws who are very supportive of her. We haven't 'bad mouthed' her husband and have tried to be supportive of her from a distance, i.e offering financial support should it be necessary. She is very independent. Am I being unreasonable? or just jealous? Do I just need to pull up my big girls knickers and carry on? Thanks for the insight and letting me vent.

Chewbacca Fri 02-Oct-20 18:22:23

I was more than happy to give the gift of acceptance and understanding to our kids.
We usually have Open House on Boxing Day with no pressure for anyone to be there and most years we have a house full.

Exactly what I do icanhandthemback. I remember only too well the emotional blackmail of having to drive hundreds of miles to spend Christmas with my parents, and the months of silent treatment we were given when we rebelled and stayed at home one year. I've vowed never to do that to my adult family and simply have open house on Boxing Day.

Madgran77 Fri 02-Oct-20 18:25:46

I suspect that the difference for you is that you haven't seen them at all since February whereas the ILs see them weekly. That is understandable.

However in the end if your daughter does not feel that the circumstances this year should change normal arrangements then so be it, there is little that you can do. How about arranging a get together for the New Year ..just you and this daughter? Save the wider reunion for the summer maybe?

As others have said Christmas is just 2 days. Its the getting together as a family that is the important bit I think.

NfkDumpling Fri 02-Oct-20 18:40:13

I think it's time to done the big knickers wiggy. With the virus everything is up in the air this year anyway, so its silly to make a lot of arrangements.

Thankfully we managed a full family Christmas last year. But it was the first time for many, many years. It just fell into place. When our DC started families of their own we decided not to do the Christmas thing. Its just too much of a faff and worry about who's turn it is to go where.

May I suggest you aim instead for a full family Easter? Its four guaranteed days, in better and more reliable weather, travelling is much easier and there's no insistence from other families having to get together so everyone is happier.

We do spend time with family over the Christmas and New Year but fit in with everyone else and don't get upset if we don't meet up.

Jillybird Fri 02-Oct-20 19:11:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ElaineI Fri 02-Oct-20 21:33:05

No-one should be driving that far or planning to just now as plans could drastically change at last minute. No wonder this virus spreads so easily! Plan to have Christmas at your own house and anything more will be a lovely boon.

Summerlove Fri 02-Oct-20 21:46:49

I understand your disappointment wiggy, it’s hard Knowing that your daughter is spending so much time with people who are not you. However, I do believe you need to separate that from the issue of Christmas. The rota that your daughter has set up has her at Christmas at her in-laws this year. And if that’s what she wants to do then you need to try to respect it. Just think how upset you’d be if she canceled your year.

As far as your road trip plans, I think they are unreasonable. 28 hour round trip in a car at Christmas? That sounds like a perfect way to ruin Christmas to me.

I wish you luck getting the big girl pants on x

misty34 Fri 02-Oct-20 23:17:15

My only daughter goes to in laws every xmas I used to be a little hurt about this but I understand that her husband has siblings who all have children of a similar age and the children have more fun with others to play with.
My partner and I always pop over Xmas morning so we do spend some time together and we have an open invitation to join them at in laws but i feel that MIL has enough feeding and hosting to her large brood.

wiggys52 Sat 03-Oct-20 01:38:13

Thank you for all your comments. To clear a couple of things up I live in Australia, so distance is different over here. Also our quarantine regulations have been very different, i.e I live in one state and 3 of my 4 children live in another. We haven't been allowed to cross borders. Where I live there hasn't been any covid for over 150 days. We also live rurally, on acreage. Hopefully state borders will be open before Christmas and naturally we will be going to see all of them as soon as the border is open., A few of the replies miss the fact that I was venting. Obviously I would never say anything to that particular daughter. We have family chats and videos etc. And yes I have ordered in extra 'Big Girl Knickers'!(grin) A few noteable comments from: Sodapop, Callistemon, polnan, Meta and Icanhandthemback - thank you all

Callistemon Sat 03-Oct-20 10:50:38

To clear a couple of things up I live in Australia

I did wonder (see my post of Fri 02-Oct-20 15:33:49), so it's down the road a bit, turn left.
However, we weren't aware of that. Are state borders open now?
If it's any consolation, half my family are there and we've no hope of seeing them yet because your borders are closed.

janeainsworth Sat 03-Oct-20 11:16:32

A 14-hour journey x 2 is still a 14-hour journey x 2 whether you’re in Australia, America, or Outer Mongolia hmm

Hetty58 Sat 03-Oct-20 11:18:39

YABU, it's not your turn - and nobody likes so much travel either!

Callistemon Sat 03-Oct-20 11:48:21


A 14-hour journey x 2 is still a 14-hour journey x 2 whether you’re in Australia, America, or Outer Mongolia hmm

Yes. We've done long journeys in the bush or outback, towing a campervan. With a child, you need stops, preferably overnight ones.
It could be very hot, too, at Christmas.
It's not something I'd want to do in one stretch, especially with a little one.

Can you all have a reunion somewhere in between when any restrictions are restricted? Christmas is just one day, after all.

Callistemon Sat 03-Oct-20 11:49:49

Restrictions are lifted.

My brain is a bit addled this morning, it's on what I should be doing if I wasn't procrastinating!

Summerlove Sat 03-Oct-20 12:26:55

At least in Australia will at least be longer daylight hours
But it’s still an extremely long drive

Hithere Sat 03-Oct-20 12:44:03

I am glad Australia is managing covid properly.

The amount of hours in the car is still excessive