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Am I wrong to be furious?

(68 Posts)
Esspee Sun 04-Oct-20 08:41:23

I woke just after 7 hearing noises. I used the bathroom and went downstairs only to find my OH wasn’t there. This is most unusual but assumed he had gone to buy his Sunday papers and fresh rolls - a normal Sunday routine, though usually later.
Having made us both a cuppa I sat down and there on my iPad was a note “have a slice of toast, will be back soon with rolls, love you”
I assume the noise that woke me was him going out. The shop is not far but down a steep hill so he had taken his car.
After half an hour I gave him a call but the phone rang out - probably on mute which happens with his phone.
I have been searching for explanations and all I can think of is he has to drop off some keys today, over 20 miles away and he has decided to do it while I was still asleep. This has never happened before.
Why oh why did he not write what he was doing on the damned note? He’s been gone over an hour and a half and if he has gone to drop the keys then the road is a rather dangerous one if done at speed so I am imagining him in an accident hurrying to get back before I wake.
I usually get up around 7. He could have spoken to me or left a proper message. Now I am really getting frantic worrying.

Spangler Sun 04-Oct-20 08:45:26

Send him a text.

PamelaJ1 Sun 04-Oct-20 08:46:03


FannyCornforth Sun 04-Oct-20 08:47:16

That is the sort of daft, thoughtless thing my DH does.
And he never takes his phone anywhere.
I know that it's pointless saying this, but do try not to worry.
And don't waste time getting mad with him, it will only spoil the rest of your day.

dragonfly46 Sun 04-Oct-20 08:49:58

My DH and I can track each other on our phones. When I used to drive up and down to London it gave him piece of mind.
I hope your DH turns up soon.

Lollin Sun 04-Oct-20 09:06:31

I can fully understand your worry turning to fury but concentrate on the lovely note he left and think that he probably woke early so decided to drop off the keys and is now maybe stuck in sunday roadworks that can suddenly appear or is behind today's marathon runners so having to wait for the way to clear again. So many reasons why he can't update you and hopefully he is arriving with your fresh rolls as I type.

cornergran Sun 04-Oct-20 09:07:49

No, you’re not being unreasonable esspee, trouble is it’s likely your husband will see nothing wrong in not leaving a better explanation. Try not to be furious with him when he arrives, wait until you feel calm and then say what you would like him to do another time and why it would help you. No point asking why he did what he did today. I hope he’s back soon, in the meantime try to distract yourself if you can. Sending a hug.

Esspee Sun 04-Oct-20 09:10:09

He’s back. Thank you everyone. I just needed a hand hold.

Marydoll Sun 04-Oct-20 09:20:57

Glad to hear it, Espee. It's a man thing! They don't think. Mine does it too.

I went out the backdoor earlier to get some garden stuff from a neighbour, who had been at the car boot sale at Polmadie this morning.

I came back round to find my DH had locked the door and left me out in the pouring rain in my pyjamas!!! ?
No amount of banging alerted him that I was locked out, as he was totally immersed in Duolinguo!

I had to go all the way around to the front and ring the bell. He then asked me what I was doing at the front door.
He will never change, so no use getting annoyed with him. grin

Lollin Sun 04-Oct-20 09:24:54

Thank you for letting us know Esspee!
Does he know how many people out there were concerned for you ?!

BlueBelle Sun 04-Oct-20 09:27:45

Glad he’s back safe and sound Obviously you have had a lovely man who you know where he is all the time, lucky you
Mine used to disappear for hours occasionally days and I used to worry myself sick imagining all sorts of things had befell him Needless to stay I only managed 12 years and the peace after was enormous but it left me with an inner fear which no one knows about whenever the kids were late or now the grandkids but I keep it completely to myself and suffer in silence ?

BlueSky Sun 04-Oct-20 09:33:30

Glad he’s back Esspee we are waiting for an explanation! grin
Marydoll sorry but you made me laugh, are they all comedians these men? grin

brook2704 Sun 04-Oct-20 09:33:35

So pleased he’s back safe and sound and you can stop worrying- phew! ?

Luckygirl Sun 04-Oct-20 09:37:52

Marydoll - do you often visit your neighbours in your PJs ?!! grin

MawB2 Sun 04-Oct-20 09:40:37

Marydoll TG you wear PJ’s! gringrin

Esspee Sun 04-Oct-20 09:46:15

At last I have received an apology. He thought he had said in his note what he intended to do. A case of knowing yourself and assuming the other person is a mind reader I expect.
He drives so fast and although highly competent (in driving that is) that road is full of tourists and cyclists, winding and apparently today flooded in places.
His phone only showed one of my calls. Our home phone shows them all. He wouldn’t have heard the text messages as he had the radio on.
Well thank you all again. That’s the first time I have confronted the possibility of life without him. Scary!

Marydoll Sun 04-Oct-20 09:51:21

Never, Luckygirl ! grin

However, I was browsing GN in bed, when my neighbour phoned from her car to say that she was a couple of minutes away and had some bargains for me!
She goes out every Saturday at about 6am to a huge car boot sale and picks up amazing bargains!

As I've been shielding and can't go, she knew I had been looking for garden pots, so was keeping an eye out.
She got me one yesterday, valued at £300, which I paid £20 for. It is 3ft high and a lovely plum shade.
They are ex display and come from garden centres and restaurants etc .
Today's stash was even better! grin.

I have a very nosy neighbour, who is superglued to his seat at the window and watches everything that happens, so we were skulking about.

His wife came to the door the other day, asking if we were moving, as a woman is taking pictures of yor house!
It was the estate manager taking pictures to obtain quotes for the tree surgeon, as the trees were touching our roof! grin.
I hope that clarifies things!

EllanVannin Sun 04-Oct-20 09:52:11

Men just don't think the same as we do. He probably just breezed in as though nothing had happened and you're half out of your mind grin

Esspee Sun 04-Oct-20 09:56:59

You are right EllanVannin. He expected me to be pleased he had saved me the journey.?

Esspee Sun 04-Oct-20 10:00:50

Marydoll thought for a minute you had meant to post on the knicker fetish’s thread.
I go to that car boot sale sometimes. Had a few great bargains but feel conspicuous at being Scottish. It’s a proper United Nations in there.

dragonfly46 Sun 04-Oct-20 10:06:23

So pleased he is back Esspee - maybe he won't do it again!

Mary you do lead such an eventful life - I am the happier for it as you always make me laugh!

Susan56 Sun 04-Oct-20 10:09:30

A few years ago when DH was working nights he was very late home.Finished at 7, by 10 no sign of him, it’s a 45 minute journey.Rang his mobile,no reply, rang his work who said he had left on time.One of his colleagues rang the police to see if there had been any accidents.Police rang me.At 10.45 he appeared with supplies of everything we needed for freezing and preserving the veg from our plot?He thought I would have realised we needed supplies.Hadn’t thought to phone and tell me he was going to visit every supermarket for 35 miles?

Luckygirl Sun 04-Oct-20 10:21:18

And I would be talking to your OH about his driving; never mind not leaving a note!

Naninka Sun 04-Oct-20 10:34:15

Glad all is well. Also glad to hear that I'm not the only worrier out there! x

Cossy Sun 04-Oct-20 10:38:44

I’d say a typical thoughtless man !! Sometimes, like kids, they just don’t think ! Glad he’s back, enjoy your rolls x