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AIBU about other peoples visitors

(178 Posts)
Flakesdayout Sun 18-Oct-20 16:10:03

I was having a good day then saw that my neighbour has yet another person visiting. Yesterday she had two separate visitors. I understood that we cannot have people from another household into our homes as we are now in Tier 2. My friend is also planning to flout the rules. She is saying it is her support bubble. Yet I am doing as I am asked and have not been to visit my sons. I know we can visit in gardens but the weather isn't great. AIBU to be getting slightly p'd off with the blatant disregard for the guidance.

tanith Sun 18-Oct-20 16:16:22

It does no good to get het up over others behaviour, do what you have to do everyone has to make their own mind up to the risk they are prepared with their own health.
You aren’t unreasonable but it does you no good to worry what others are doing.

Ilovecheese Sun 18-Oct-20 16:30:22

tanith is right, Flakesdayout but you are not alone. A friend of mine seems to have several different "bubbles". I feel a bit peeved, I know I am lucky, I don't live alone, but we havn't seen either of our families for months.
So many people going against the advice, sometimes I feel like I am in the wrong for sticking with the guidance. We are also in Tier 2 and may possibly go into Tier 3.

Marydoll Sun 18-Oct-20 16:31:24

Although I agree with you, there is no use in getting het up. It achieves nothing.
I'm Glagow and we haven't been allowed to have anyone in our homes for weeks.
Our new neighbours had five carloads of visitors the other day, totally flaunting the rules.
Most of us in our wee cul de sac have tried rigorously keep to the rules, so it's very difficult not to say anything, but we won't!

Illte Sun 18-Oct-20 16:36:18

It isn't really about the rules but about what keeps you safe.

Basically you are taking care and they are taking chances. Like drivers on the road.

Some people drive at 90 miles an hour and overtake on bends. They may never have an accident but they increase their chances of one.

They may kill other people too but they don't care.

You are doing all you can to stay safe and not harm others. ?

AGAA4 Sun 18-Oct-20 16:41:12

As I live alone I am allowed one person or family to visit. A neighbour has had different visitors every day. I am not checking up on him but it's difficult not to notice the various cars parked outside, some all night.
I can understand Flakesdayout feeling irritated by this but these people wont change so I just let them get on with it. They are risking their own and others health.

M0nica Sun 18-Oct-20 16:57:14

Single people can bubble with one other household and they are treated as being one household.

But they can only bubble with one household and that household can only have one bubble. We are bubbled with our DD and we can act as if we were one household. I think that applies to every Tier. You cannot have lots of bubbles or different bubbles on different days.

Grandmabatty Sun 18-Oct-20 17:04:24

I understand completely how irritating you find this, however like others I would say don't get wound up about it. Do what you have to to keep yourself safe and ignore those who don't. Just keep your distance from them.

DragonNanna Sun 18-Oct-20 17:12:14

That’s correct and, yes, bubble rules are the same for all three tiers.

geekesse Sun 18-Oct-20 17:14:39

Am I the only poster here who thinks there's way too much curtain twitching going on at the moment?

We all should behave responsibly and observe the rules that apply in our areas, of course. But we don’t need to spend time and energy watching out for and policing the behaviour of others. If people don't like the risks their neighbours take, then by all means avoid them.

Hetty58 Sun 18-Oct-20 17:17:39

tanith, no, it's not just a case of everyone making up their own minds.

Illte, what do you mean? 'It isn't really about the rules'!

So - breaking the law and spreading a deadly virus is acceptable is it?

If a member of your family dies, will you still hold the same beliefs?

vickymeldrew Sun 18-Oct-20 17:25:30

I understand the comment about “curtain twitching”, but it’s really annoying when you are depriving yourself of company and others are carrying on as normal.
Im also amazed at some of my (real) friends on facebook who post pictures of their visits to friends all snuggled together with no social distancing. Some of these people are medical professionals who should know better !

Illte Sun 18-Oct-20 17:30:57

No hettyI think you've misunderstood me.

I'm bewildered by people who are obsessed with "is this the rule" or who take risks but say "but it's in the rules".

The virus spreads through contact. I don't understand why people don't just avoid all unnecessary contact, whether it's in the rules or not.

I suppose I don't see why people don't understand and apply intelligence instead of needing rules.

Hetty58 Sun 18-Oct-20 17:43:44

Illte, sorry, I understand now. I don't think now is the time to just do your best and let others take risks though. Things are far too serious for that.

geekesse, it's not a case of just avoiding the rule breakers. They're spreading infection in your local area - so unless you never go out, never pop in a shop or talk to a soul - they are indirectly still putting you at risk.

People are applying their normal attitudes (reluctance to interfere in others' lives, live and let live etc.) to a very abnormal situation.

suziewoozie Sun 18-Oct-20 17:44:23

It’s not curtain twitching - don’t be so damn patronising. Given the layout of the road I live in and my lack of curtains, I frequently notice the comings and goings around me. I’m lucky in that I live in a well behaved road but I do understand how others breaking the rules is irritating.

Illte Sun 18-Oct-20 17:57:56

I think we feel the same hetty. I stay at home except for walks by myself. I don't meet with family or friends. I stay safe because I'm lucky and I can.

Some people don't have a choice. They have a job, they have to care for somebody. Sometimes I make a considered choice like going to surgery for my flu jab.

What I don't understand is people taking unnecessary risks, meeting up with others just because it's in the rules.

Even less do I understand trying to bend the rules to get round them but still sort of stay within them.

Like it's achieving something. ?

Illte Sun 18-Oct-20 17:59:57

Or "I did it because the rules are confusing".

What is it about viral spread from person to person that's confusing?

kircubbin2000 Sun 18-Oct-20 18:03:18

It can be difficult too. Yesterday my son and wife called on an elderly couple who haven't been well. They insisted my son would come into the house for coffee even though it is against the rules here. Her husband would really not been fit to sit in the garden in the cold and they said the visit had made their day as they had seen no one all week.

Doodledog Sun 18-Oct-20 18:05:41

I’m another who dislikes the curtain twitching (done literally or metaphorically).

If the neighbours were going to come into your house and affect you, there would be cause for concern, but I’m guessing that they aren’t, so there really isn’t.

I am not mixing at all, which I find incredibly difficult, but that way I am unlikely to catch the virus (which would probably kill me), and I won’t infect others.

Of course I wish it would all go away as soon as possible so my life can go back to some sort of normality, but there is no point in my resenting others for their choices. I can’t control other people, but I can control my reaction to them.

Marydoll Sun 18-Oct-20 18:11:18

suziewoozie, our road is the same. Five strangers' cars taking up the whole street is very noticeable!
No curtain twitching here, I was planting bulbs in my front garden when the arrived!

suziewoozie Sun 18-Oct-20 18:15:45

In a pandemic individual behaviour potentially affects the community. I live in a Tier 1 area. If enough people think the rules don’t apply to them and pop in and out of others homes as they wish, then the risk of the infection rate increases and we could go into Tier 2. How is that all right?

Calendargirl Sun 18-Oct-20 18:18:14

Also, it’s ok basically saying ‘Just bother about yourself, no concern of yours what others are doing’, but when the hospital numbers rise because of irresponsible behaviour, well, it’s all our business then.

suziewoozie Sun 18-Oct-20 18:22:45

Yes Marydoll when I’m sat outside having coffee I can’t help but see who goes into my neighbours house ( she’s in a bubble and I know who with). Maybe I should stay indoors with all curtains nailed closed so I can’t literally or metaphorically ‘curtain twitch’. And as for you pretending to plant bulbs n your front garden whilst twitching, well ?

Chewbacca Sun 18-Oct-20 18:26:16

As annoying and frustrating as it is, you can only control your own behaviour, you can't control any one else's. But if you feel very strongly about it, would you go so far as to report them to the police? And if you did, would they do anything about it? And how would that affect your neighbourly relations for the future? Personally, I'd rather say nowt and let your neighbours get on with it, but it's your choice.

Marydoll Sun 18-Oct-20 18:26:55

Oh you know me so well!!!?