Adult children not phoning after a major operation.

I know everyone is different, but ac can be very selfish, they always think mom and dad will be there forever.
There’s also the point that some people just can’t cope with illness.
When my mom was in hospital and dying, I was there with her, but I wanted to run away and not face it.
If you usually get on well with your daughter, maybe she doesn’t want admit that you’ve been so ill.
Give her a chance to accept that you’ve had such a serious illness. She could be frightened of loosing you.
Glad your operation went well, let’s hope you’ll feel stronger soon.

Some people have a genuine terror of serious illness, especially when it’s someone close to them, so they keep away because they can’t cope. True, they should try to overcome it, but I wonder if it’s an explanation.

I hope you will soon feel a lot better. In my book, you are certainly not being unreasonable. You had ever right to expect your children to phone as soon as they knew you were back home.

But try to let it go, as worrying about it, won't do any good. Some people find the thought of illness so unbearable that they do nothing ´, but that doesn't mean they don't care, Perhaps this is the case with your children?

I feel for you Nanawind. At a time when you would love to have your kids be more in touch ,they are not. I would expect some input and feel hurt too. If its any consolation, and I have a good relationship with my daughter, she almost never phones me. They don't call these days! If I want to speak to her , I occasionally call her. I think she has no idea that I would love it if she called me.
Also when I think back to my own mother when I was younger I didn't really pay any attention to her emotional wellbeing as, to be honest I didn't think of my parents as 'people'. They were just always there! And I was getting on with my own very busy life. And I often hear from my friends that they don't feel 'cared for' by their kids either because of lack of communication.
Especially just now young families are under a lot of pressure and just trying to manage their own lives. It's so good that you have your husband there to care for you and friends and family who have a better understanding of how you might be feeling. I would try not to feel too angry and hurt as this will not help your recovery. I am sure your children love you. Get well soon.

Tears in my eyes after reading your post. But of course they love you and with so much going on, dare I say they've simply forgotten. Perhaps check with your husband whether he's spoken to them. I hope you're recovering well and try not to let this play on your mind. Kids eh! Get well soon ☺️

Heads in the sand? They could be in denial that anything is seriously wrong with you.

Sorry you are upset. However, if you spoke to them when you arrived home they probably think you are taking it easy and your DH is caring for you. If they are working getting home n looking after their families they too may be tired but like my own son usually try’s to call me over the weekend. Not always. Try and get well concentrate on you n your DH that’s most important. Cheer up n get well soon

That's great that your daughter got in touch. If you know your children love you and you generally get on, I would just accept they were wanting to give you space to rest and recover. My older son is not quite as good as the others at keeping us updated about what they're doing. We have found a family WhatsApp page to be good. A wee photo or video or comment allows us to stay connected and adding a comment just takes seconds. Maybe you and your DH could make a wee project out of setting up a family WhatsApp page and posting wee updates and photos when you feel well enough. Best wishes for your recovery.

I am surprised you are home 24 hours after a major operation, even with
Covid that is unusual. So perhaps they are giving you time to rest .

It is not enough to tell them you are home. Tell them also "If you want to come, over you are welcome." That puts the ball squarely (roundly!) at their feet.

Just to update our Ds phoned last night, again he said he didn't want to disturb me as if I was very ill DH would phone him.
I do think as someone up thread posted, our children think mum and dad will be around for ever and don't understand what I've been through.
DH told me to tell them exactly how I am feeling. Which I did in a nice way. Depressed, crying and weak.
I think they were surprised as I'm normally a strong person never ill so this is a shock to all our systems.
Thank you for your messages they are helping me through a difficult time.

I'm glad you've had contact . I think sometimes Mums are considered invincible , cope with everything and ' kids '
feel useless in their company - I know as my Mum was like that .
I, myself , hate too much attention but a wee ' Are you ok, Mum ? ' is always welcome .
You got one , maybe a bit late but it came !
Happy Sunday to you and your family x

Nanawind has happily confirmed that her family have been in contact with her now. See her post @ 16.12 yesterday.

Nanawind , You're just said what I was trying to say ! x

Great to see your update yesterday Nanawind
Wishing you a full and speedy recovery.

for you Nanawind.

I am just recovery from a bout of Covid and my DILs and DS rang or text every day but I do live on my own. One morning I was woken by DS so we decided I would give them the thumbs up on a WhatsApp group when I woke up. Maybe they thought your DH would let them know if there was a problem but I do understand your feelings

Best wishes for your ongoing recovery.

After such serious surgery you are bound to be feeling low. I am sorry they are behaving like this towards you..to say it's insensitive of them is an understatement. What was your relationship like with them before your operations? I have had something similar but nowhere near so serious as your situation. I was more than sympathetic and supportive towards my rather ungrateful DIL (and her mother & father as well) when her uncle died...then more recently when her godmother died (her mother's friend)...I sent supportive messages, texts, cards etc. My brother died of cancer week before last, but did I get any messages of sympathy or support? Nothing. His funeral was last week and you may understand that I have been distraught, weeping at the slightest thing. What has upset me even more however, is the fact that my DIL hasn't even sent a text to express sympathy. No reciprocation whatsoever. I never give emotionally so that I can get something back in the future (emotional banking) but after all the empathy & support I have shown them in the past I am frankly disgusted with both her and her parents who will get no sympathy whatsoever from me ever again in the future. I hope your sons/daughters will behave properly and be grateful that you have pulled through 2 serious operations. I do empathise and I wish you well. Take good care of yourself and stay well and safe xxx

That's very sad secondhand rose ,hope chemo goes well ?
Nanawind glad to hear that you have now had calls ?

As a cancer survivor (surgery twice 2017, and lengthy treatment) I can fully understand why you are upset. I had much the same with a few close friends and one adult child while others rallied round.I'm glad your son called last night.
Cancer can be a lonely and difficult journey even with loving family, because unless you have has a cancer diagnosis you never understand how it feels.
I'm sending you love and best wishes, and please feel free to private message me if you ever need support and an understanding ear.

Glad to hear that your children have been in touch with you.
Rest assured they care.
It’s unnecessary for some posters to say negative things about uncaring attitudes. These are difficult times for everyone, no need to try stirring things up asking how the relationship was before this. Seems some posters like to get stuck in and ruffle feathers.
Good luck Nanawind

Glad to hear that the OPs son at least has been in touch. Personally, it was unimaginable that I would not have contacted my parents at the very least when they were ill. With lockdown things are different now but there many other ways of keeping in contact and showing you care.

Nanawind just to add that your DS like a lot of men, is probably coping worse than your DD when faced with the thought that his parents are not invincible. Take care x

Are they usually thoughtful ? If so, no change there then! If not, I think its probably an abberation! I would call them and act normal if so.
Hope you completely recover soon!