Adult children not phoning after a major operation.

Wishing you a speedy recovery and can understand your upset - that would really upset me too

I am so pleased you have heard from your children now, Nanawind and you feel a little more upbeat. I would have been hurt too in your situation but once I had heard from them, I would feel a lot better.
Feeling that your children love you still and care about you is so important at times like these. However, I have to say, I probably wouldn't hear from my daughter as she stays away at any hospitalisation but it isn't only with me. I just think facing it triggers anxiety so she sticks her head in the sand. Her Dad was the same but he would appear at the hospital and then have to be escorted out by security as his anxiety would trigger extreme behaviour. Helpful...not!
My eldest son would be there with texts and calls. My youngest son...I'm not sure of yet but I know my husband would understand how important it was to me so he would certainly prompt him. That would be fine by me too!
I hope your treatment goes well.

I think people, children or not, underestimate the value of a text... just a few words...Maybe let them know it would make a massive difference (if it would) as it lets you know you are in their thoughts. I certainly think it's very natural to feel a bit upset at this lack of contact. Of course it may be they are in denial...I hope you find your family drawing closer in the coming days. X

Yes I;would be upset. Maybe your husband should have a weed but that shouldn’t be necessary. Wishing you love and a speedy recovery .x

AC often have a funny way of showing concern. I know as I too had a major op last year. My DD and SiL was at the hospital, it was allowed then, with my DH and waited until I came round.
My DS had to be prompted by his BiL to come and see me.

The both care the same but show it in different ways.
I think too there is an element of denial as they don't want to think of their Mum being ill.

I am sure over time you will see how much they care. I wish you well with your treatment.

Yes, I'd be very upset- no two ways about it. I am very sorry- concentrate on getting better and stronger.

Phone them, perhaps- but try not to show you are so upset.

So pleased that your children have been in touch and understand just how you’re feeling. Sending you very best wishes for a full and speedy recovery Nanawind.

That would be nice if true but I have 2sons the same It seems to be a male thing

No, I don't think you are over-thinking! It's perfectly understandable to feel the way you do!
I myself am retired now, but was a Ward Sister in a surgical unit before I was out of my 20s. What I found back then, and it was in the 1980s, before I had my own 2 children, was that some adult children were very concerned about their ill parent, and made regular contact by telephone to enquire after their well-being - this was in the days before everyone had mobile phones! Other adult children either didn't make contact, or did so only on very rare occasions!
Fast-foward to the future, and I am now retired from nursing, and my 2 children are grown up. My son who has a disability still lives at home with my husband and I. My daughter left home in 2010 to return to our hometown 50 miles away, as she had always hated it here and never settled. She has just given birth to our first grandchild on 12th January! The difference between my 2 children has been apparent since they were both small. I had to retire early from nursing due to illness, and this has worsened in the 10 years since I retired. My daughter is very dismissive of my health issues and treats me as if I am some sort of nutcase because I suffer from depression! She only makes contact with me when she wants something! My son, on the other hand, has always been kind and caring, goes out of his way to help me and his dad with household chores and shopping etc. Both children were brought up in exactly the same way!
My husband defends my daughter, by saying that when children leave home they often make minimal contact with parents - he is the youngest of 3. I myself am an only child, and lost my father to cancer aged just 54. My mum fell apart after his death. My husband and I moved house to be closer to her and in spite of me working full-time in a very demanding nursing role, I got permission from my line-manager to phone my mum from work every day to see how she was. My mum developed cancer herself within a few years of my dad dying and passed away aged just 62, younger than I am now. I was always very close to my mum, she was my best friend, and I know that I did everything I did to make her last years as comfortable and worry-free as possible!
My husband rarely bothered with his own mother and when she was terminally ill, it was me who looked after her, did her shopping etc. However, my husband did look after the children to enable me to do this!
I hope you make a speedy recovery from your operation soon, and that your children do get in touch shortly to see how you are! Sending you healing hugs. ??

So glad you ve heard from them Nanawind .A What’s App group is a very good way for families to communicate especially when you are feeling so ill . I think also with the younger ones it’s ‘do what the Romans do’ communication for them is texting messenger etc it’s their way they still care for you .
When my late Mum was around all four of us who don’t live near communicated between us and even better because of the distancing one of us visiting Mum in her garden when rules allowed we contacted the other three by video call ,Mum put some ear phones in because she was deaf so she could see and hear us all . After a few stops and starts it worked fine !
Take care big hug xx

I know exactly what you are talking about! I have 2 grown up children and my husband is always making excuses for my daughter, who is selfish and thoughtless and only makes contact with me when she wants something! Unfortunately, she has always been that way, so I see little chance of her changing!
My son, who is the younger, couldn't be more different. He still lives at home as he has a disability. He goes out of his way to help his dad and I with household chores, gardening shopping etc. He has always had a kind and caring nature and extends this to everyone he meets!
Both my children were brought up in exactly the same way, yet they could not be more different! Family dynamics are a minefield! ?

Update on my update.
Both families have been to our front window. We all live in the same town.
Apologies were given they didn't realise how low I am.
They thought they were giving me time to recover. I'm never ill so this is a shock to all of us.
We normally talk once a week. They have set up a group chat for us to get in touch with each other.

Thanks for the update. I'm so glad to hear that all is now resolved at least as well as possible under the current circumstances.
I do feel sorry for you and others in your position. Normally, family would be round to the house, careful hugs, lots of chat and general coming and going. Now it's through the window or online.
Get well soon Nanawind. Better times are coming.

Nanawind I have no experience of your situation - lucky not to have had any serious operations, (perhaps) unlucky not to have a husband (he left me for a younger model many years ago) and lucky again to have two caring daughters - but I recognise your distress and can only send you a big hug and hope you recover well and soon.

My kids are hopeless at phoning. But I know how much they love me which is vast mega amounts. I expect yours love you just as much. I think phoning is difficult for today's tech-savvy millenials. Drop them a text to say you're good and concentrate on getting better!

I hope you are feeling better. I think they should have called and one must never make excuses for because a lot of children make end up extending that not calling and then it goes into days months and years. One must nip it quickly when one can by telling them how you felt.

that's good OP. your husband was right, in urging you to tell them truly how you were actually feeling. clear simple communication is quite a relief sometimes.
all power to you n yours.

Sorry to hear you are finding it difficult your children do not phone ......however, you are really fortunate in having a loving husband and other family members who care. It is much harder when you are totally alone ......so please take care, and be positive and thankful you are not coping alone .......

Check with your husband first to make sure he has not told your children to give you both a couple of days space. If he has not said such thing to them then I think there is no excuse and its very selfish of them...how bad has it got to be for them to show some concern & care??

I would feel the same as you. Similarly, if they didn't wish good luck beforehand. Possibly, they are in some kind of denial that mum is suffering. But they are adults and should know the 'form'. Someone needs to teach them this. I have similar experience.

And sending very best wishes for your speedy recovery and good times ahead. xx

Id be a bit fed up too if no-one called. A phone call doesn't take much effort to make and if you're not up to talking I'm sure you'd either not answer, reply with a text or answer and just keep the call short.

Personally though, I think the time to really be annoyed is when you've been through 6 surgeries (2 major and 2 on each of your hands) in under 2yrs and as much as people call, no-one actually offers help or bothers to visit despite knowing full well that you live alone and can't really do things for yourself, especially when you're already disabled BEFORE the surgeries. That's what I've had to put up with from my lot!