Gransnet forums

AIBU

My grandaughter visits her step sister not me we are in the same town

(33 Posts)
MaggsMcG Sat 10-Apr-21 11:35:04

My 22 year old granddaughter came to visit her step sister at the weekend in their garden, she lives in Bedford but the step sister (5 years old) lives in the same town as me, about 2 miles away. I lost my husband on 1st February and I really feel a bit upset by the fact that she couldn't even bother to pay me a visit. I should have ignored it I suppose but I didn't. I made a comment on a WhatsApp message about could she think of visiting me too next time. She was all nice about it buy then complained to her Mum (my daughter) that I was being petty. Was I? Maybe it was just because I felt that being on my own now they may have thought about me a bit more.

dragonfly46 Sun 11-Apr-21 07:21:02

I wonder how you knew she had visited.
It could be next time the will not tell you.

Summerlove Sun 11-Apr-21 12:45:08

I’m sorry for your loss OP.

Have you invited your granddaughter over to visit at all? It could be that she felt you weren’t excepting visitors. I’ve learned that if you want to see people you have to invite them. Nothing to do with them being selfish, and everything to do with making your wants and needs known.

Other people are not mind readers

Peasblossom Sun 11-Apr-21 13:13:01

Are you expecting a 22year old to see things through your eyes and your experience?

She cant understand what it’s like to lose a partner and feel lonely. Or how important family is at that time. She can’t empathise because it’s not within her experience.

She just wanted to visit her step-sister and have fun and I’m afraid you’ve come over as critical of that quite innocent action.

She may visit you now, but it will be a duty.

Oh dear. I do think you’ve made a mistake.

NotSpaghetti Sun 11-Apr-21 14:08:04

One of my daughters rarely visits her grandmother though she is happy to visit her brother who only lives 20 minutes away.

She says visiting her brother is "easy" as he doesn't expect her to arrive at a particular time and has children so her little girl is entertained.

Grandmother however is looking forward to her visit so it becomes something of an "event" and much harder work. She loves her grandmother but finds it a bit stressful to be honest. Her garden is not child-proof and the extra distance to travel turns 30 mins into nearly an hour each way.

There are always reasons. Not necessarily that they don't care.

I think I'm hard work too by the way!!

GrannyGear Sun 11-Apr-21 16:17:02

Could this all be due to the silly rules about who can visit whom and how many people can talk to you in your garden - as long as they don't come inside? Your granddaughter may have thought she wasn't alllowed to visit you or "socialise" with you unless you were in the same "bubble". Or she may have not known what to say after the recent loss of your husband. I assume she wouldn't have been able to attend the funeral because of Covid. Don't judge her too harshly.

DiscoDancer1975 Sun 11-Apr-21 18:53:51

Firstly, so sorry to hear about your husband. That’s not going to have helped, and has probably made you more sensitive.
I know I would have felt the same, and understand you completely, but it really is best to just stay back, and welcome her when she does want to come. It’s all so difficult at the moment, and she may not have been sure. Young people are on a completely different wavelength. Try to find other interests if you can, and not focus on one thing, otherwise you’re in danger of making it bigger than it is. I wish you well💐

nadateturbe Mon 12-Apr-21 04:53:07

On reflection my reply was not very helpful MaggsMcG. I hope some of the other replies have been.
Wishing you well flowers