AIBU - Friend borrowing car

Nannarose

Have you checked the insurance? If you insure a car for another person, there are sometimes conditions in the small print about what constitutes 'occasional use'.
If she is driving on her 'own insurance' you may find it isn't full cover - I would ask her to check.

I would also consider ( adding to GagaJo's idea) something like 'we don't want to get rid of the car, but we do need to keep costs down, so it's only insured for the 2 of us'.

Another one would be 'I'm a bit unhappy about the clutch / brake / overhead gasket and I'm trying to book it to be looked at'. You could then add that 'if it turns out to be a big repair, we'll be getting rid of it'.

I assume that you are actually in the middle of a marital disagreement - she really wants a car, and her husband doesn't see why! Does he know she borrows it this often?

To be honest, I don't know if she is insured to drive it or not.

There is an intermittent fault on the car which I think could be quite an expensive fix.

Her husband is aware that she is borrowing the car.

Unfortunately, I am a rotten liar and not very good at saying no.

Personally, I think that if she wanted to use their car and her husband is working, she should take him to work and pick him up. He works about half an hour away from their home

MagicWand

If you're not using it at all but still want to keep it for some reason, why don't you SORN it? That way it's off the road and no-one would be able to use it.

Does she fill it up with petrol? Contribute to the running costs in any way? Offer to do your shopping for you while she uses it to do hers? Repay the favour by buying you flowers, wine, chocs, etc? If not I know what I'd be doing!

Although I think Elegran's idea is a good one too unless you really feel you need the expense of a spare car you don't use.

She did buy me some supermarket flowers the other day and has offered put put some petrol in it once.

Grandmabatty

Was there a reason you kept your son's old car? It must cost you for the mot etc. I would have sold it like someone else suggested to save you the hassle!

My husband wanted to keep it as it is a small nippy car and cheap to run. He has a thing about cars

You are definitely not being unreasonable. She is taking advantage of you.

If she isn't insured, what will happen if she has an accident? Isn't it illegal to drive a car without insurance?

geekesse

*PinkCosmos*, you said she always asks your husband, and he ‘never says no’. I think you probably need to have a serious discussion with him about all this, so that he says no to her. Tell him it’s upsetting you and causing you resentment. Ask him why he is willing to upset you to accommodate a scrounging neighbour. And suggest to him all the good advice from posters here. Good luck!

I am getting resentful about it and maybe over reacting. I am not a mean person and have often been taken for a mug by more forceful people.

My husband likes being the good guy, which makes me look like the bad guy if I abject to stuff.

I doubt this would be happening if it was the other way around

Mumsnet have a name for people like her. She is a CF and seriously taking advantage of you.
Is she on the insurance to drive it, if not and a accident happens you could be in alot of trouble.
Please say no to her now, or ask her to buy the car. If she is aggrieved you have said no, she is no friend.

Well, we've all told you what we think. You need to make up your own mind.

If you want to keep the car change the insurance to one named driver only, and use that as a reason for her not having it.

lemsip

bit late for this I know but you should have said sorry No, it's my son's car.
What an absolute cheek of the neighbour to ask in the first place.

I wish I had said it was my son's car right at the beginning. I wouldn't be in this position now

You need to find out about the insurance. And then, just say as she is not insured (assuming she isn't - having cover for a 3rd party is very expensive) - just say it is not safe and illegal.

Your husband is perhaps the main problem here.

wildswan16

Well, we've all told you what we think. You need to make up your own mind.

If you want to keep the car change the insurance to one named driver only, and use that as a reason for her not having it.

Good idea, changing it to one named driver. My husband does drive it occasionally.

Kali2

You need to find out about the insurance. And then, just say as she is not insured (assuming she isn't - having cover for a 3rd party is very expensive) - just say it is not safe and illegal.

Your husband is perhaps the main problem here.

Yes, my husband is the main problem. He is very friendly with the husband.

He also likes to be the good guy and Mr Generous, so if I object it makes me look like the bad guy.

I often feel like he doesn't consider my feeling when he makes decisions without mentioning it to me first - but that's another post!!

I wouldn’t dream of asking a neighbour if I could borrow their car and I would not lend my car to any of my neighbours no matter how nice they were. My insurance stipulates there’s two drivers listed and no other drivers are permitted to drive the car unless I add more drivers at a further cost to me. I would check your insurance policy and tell your neighbour that she isn't a listed driver and therefore, if she had an accident your insurance would not pay out. What would happen if your car was damaged whilst your neighbour was driving it? Please tell her that she cannot borrow your car. It’s not a thing you lend to anyone other than your close family and only then, if you’ve added the extra driver to your insurance policy.

pinkcosmos 3 pages of Gransnetters telling you what to do ( in answer to your question in your OP)

And yet you are still making excuses, if she is uninsured and has a bump let’s hope your ‘friendship’ will be worth the fines and points on the license of whoever actually owns the car, because it won’t be her!

Or get the car insured for her and put up with it for the sake of the ‘friendship’.

I am horrified that you don't know if she is insured. Never mind bumps, if she injured or worse killed someone it would be down to you.
Personally I think you are mad to allow this to happen especially without checking that she has a license and insurance.
AS Oopsadaisy says there are 3 pages here suggesting you put a stop to it so if you are for real just do it!!

ElaineI

I am horrified that you don't know if she is insured. Never mind bumps, if she injured or worse killed someone it would be down to you.
Personally I think you are mad to allow this to happen especially without checking that she has a license and insurance.
AS Oopsadaisy says there are 3 pages here suggesting you put a stop to it so if you are for real just do it!!

I am for real. I am just a very non-confrontational person and find it hard to say no, especially as she is a friend.

I am going to discuss it with my husband later, especially the insurance issue.

To be honest, I thought if you were insured to drive your own car it meant you could drive any car. Shows how much I know !!

I think you need to discuss this first with your husband.

If he can't bring himself to say no to this neighbour, he needs to refer her to you.

Your answer, is "sorry, I need the car myself" whether you do or not.

You could also ask her to pay for the petrol she uses and contribute towards servicing etc. if in effect you are now sharing the car.

And do check with your insurance company whether they cover any accidents that occur while she is driving.

Could you speak to her (before she sees your husband) to tell her person C has asked to use the car? As usual, you and your DH are very happy to help... but you’re not quite sure exactly when person C will arrive for it...could be any time...(but when she wants it - such a coincidence!)
If she later questions you, tell her person C arrived and returned the car while she was out. The penny should drop. If it doesn’t keep going.
You’ll continue to look generous; it won’t be as easy for her when there’s an obstacle; she'll have to find an alternative; you won’t have to openly refuse her.

You don't need to be that devious. Say to her honestly and clearly that you hadn't realised it, but she wouldn't be insured to drive the car, and you don't want to pay to add her as named driver, so you are sorry, but you can't keep on letting her borrow it, as it is too risky.

1 Who is the registered keeper of the car?
2 In whose name is it insured?
3 If insured is it comprehensive or third party, fire and theft?
4 If insured, who is insured to drive it?
5 As you have said that there's an intermittent fault, it's worth
asking if there is a valid MoT certificate.

She did buy me some supermarket flowers the other day and has offered to put some petrol in it once.

Forget all the devious excuses and stop giving a toss about this car.
Tell your husband it's his responsibility whether she uses it or not and his responsibility to make sure there's suitable insurance in place.

TBH I’m not sure why you have this car. Do you drive Pink Cosoms or does your husband just want it as a ‘spare’ car?

If your neighbour knows that you don’t need the car then I can see why she thinks she can get away with this CFery. I agree with FarNorth, it’s up to your husband.

You’re skating on thin ice here Pink, if she has an accident, she gets fined for driving uninsured, you also get fined for allowing it.
Sell the car, however nice you are it’s a big risk.

She did buy me some supermarket flowers the other day and has offered put put some petrol in it once.

once?!
She should be adding some every time she drives!

Elegran@14:58 This advice is
spot on. Tell the truth you cant go wrong and it's not confrontational. Then let it go