to think that my DIL uses too many cleaning products?

Just be pleased she cleans!

Next time you are due a visit why don't you suggest you take the baby for a walk and sleep in their pram whilst she gets on with her work. What do you do sit with a cup of coffee and "secretly "observe.
Then baby and you are safe from fumes, you will not witness what products she uses and she will not feel spied on which she is probably more aware of than you think. Maybe she cleans in a different way when you are there to prove she is a good wife and mother.
If I was rude to my mother Mil as was suggested in a previous post it was only 1% of the 100% I got from her.

Having read this lot, I’m glad to say that my lovely dd with 3 little ones is very ‘relaxed’ about cleaning. ?

Think what you like but say nothing

Galaxy

I think the best advice would be to provide all this amazing cleaning advice to the son. I am sure he would be interested.

just so.
or does cleaning require specifically female anatomy.

Yammy wrote:
When I was young I used to red Cardinal the step before she came and the chap next door remarked "Kit inspection again". It really made me think especially as her favourite trick was to stand on tiptoes and take her hand along the top of my doors. I stopped bothering told my husband and next time at her house when there was an accumulation of dust in the bedrooms he wrote I love you in it on the dressing table. She never did anything again on a visit.
Each to their own.
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i love it. go Yammy. that's the way to do it. made me smile.

Came home once about 30 years ago to find my MIL cleaning my kitchen floor because she thought it was dirty! It wasn’t dirty but that wasn’t the point...my house, my mortgage, my kids, my cleaning. Needless to say it was a very long time before she came again.
Don’t fix what’s not broken...do not ruin a valuable relationship there are far greater battles to fight!

That’s nothing Torre. When my MiL was staying and we had unexpected visitors she’d rush and clean the toilet!!

Method stuff is good and she is probably worried that the baby will get ill if the place isn’t spotless .

I once told my MIL windows are for looking through not at.

I use Koh , no odour and cleans with no effort. Could you purchase a bottle of something less "volatile", show it to her say "oh, have you tried this, it's brilliant". Just a suggestion, I would also be concerned about strong smelling products.

I can only say MYOB!

Some of the comments begger belief! Obviously the lady is concerned for her baby grandson. People make it sound as though you should turn the other cheek when in fact it could cause harm. I too am shocked at the amount of chemicals ypunger women seem to be using now. The mrs hinch followers seem to have made it fashionable . I thought the younger generation were concerned for the planet. Im sure you u could find a roundabout way of mentioning our concern i certainly would

Please give a thought to the asthmatics amongst us. My OH cleans the bathrooms because the cleaning products make me wheeze badly. My lungs cannot cope with air fresheners and other chemicals.

Before covid there was a report about babies suffering from exhaust fumes because in the pushchairs they are at about the same level as an exhaust pipe. Chemicals are produced in the exhaust - chemicals are in cleaning products (not the same ones). Children living near busy roads are more likely to suffer from asthma.

There is a theory - the hygiene hypothesis - that suggests that children growing up in large families, in less hygienic conditions are less likely to suffer from allergies and asthma.

I've no idea what the OP can do about her DIL's cleaning but she has reason to be worried about the baby's lungs.

Danma

OMG

I can’t believe people are saying the grandchild’s health is none of the OP’s business

This, absolutely. It is a very difficult situation and I am not sure how OP could approach it. But those products ARE harmful to lungs and perhaps worse- especially for young lungs.

If the DIL smoked inside all day long, would it be wrong to be concerned? If the child develops asthma and any neurological issues- would the OP ever feel that she failed in protecting her GC. I too am amazed at some of the comments here.

Nearly everytime you switch on to commercial TV channels there is an advert showing spray cleaners for this and that.
The main thing will probably be a spray that cleans and disinfects and as a new mum, she thinks and maybe has been advised to use products like this as they are quick, easy and do the job.
I would say that you could always quietly suggest an alternative, which might be fine for a DD but I would certainly keep schtum, unless she asks for advice or she will see your "helpful suggestions" as criticism/

Thanks, Welbeck I,m glad I made you smile, it was the truth though. I was lucky DH saw right through her I think he always had and took my part .

I notice you refer to 'the baby' and 'your grandson' and also sniffily remark that you are the only one concerned for his welfare. He is HER baby and I think you need to step back and be less judgemental.

Flopen, you are obviously a thoughtful person and aware of the dangers of 'interfering' with offsprings' choices, ways of living etc. But you are witnessing potential damage to a child's lungs and development. A tricky situation indeed.
I have 2 SILs now both over 50 and have bent over backwards to curb my inclination to criticise. I have, however, expressed my concern twice. The first time I told a daughter how upset I was to see how SIL praised one sibling profusely and berated the other constantly (with less footer ability). I was almost in tears. Daughter one spoke to her husband and I think he took note, but I left them to sort it.
The second time I took the opportunity of a quiet word to chat with other SIL when we were walking round a NT garden. I asked him what attitude he took to teenagers alcohol consumption and we managed to keep the conversation friendly. That was that.
But cleaning sprays and babies is certainly a tricky subject. Surely health has got to be the priority here. A baby has no choice but to breathe in the pollutants. Our lungs need clean air to thrive. As a retired respiratory nurse I've seen people struggle to breathe in later life and I urge those of you who may not have spent long looking up this subject to learn the facts and have a rethink. That doesn't mean I know the answer, I'm only trying to emphasis what an important issue this is. Good luck Flopen, if you are still with us.
Gently, gently, as we all go...there is no easy solution to so many of our dilemmas. I don't know the personalities involved. Some people 'listen' and some just get offended. I've learnt to listen more as I've aged, but used to judge without learning enough.

What a sensible reply. I hope she listens

I totally agree with you, I feel she only asked for opinions that agreed, and while I do agree less chemicals is best, she’s not happy we are telling her to “butt out” ?

You are missing the point!! It is none of your business how anyone rubs their home. We all have an opinion on what we believe we are the experts on.... but will not show ourselves up in areas where we are not sure! Relationships need to be just as healthy as the atmosphere, if any single one is toxic... its not good

To be clear I don’t use aerosols, and agree it’s best if this is not the case.... but you need to tread carefully or you won’t be available to have any impact on your grandchild’s health. So gently gently

I'm with Bluebelle on this. Don't go looking for trouble. Would you have appreciated your mother in law commenting on the way you do things? Just go and enjoy your grandson

I can undestand that you don't want to interfere but would your DIL understand that if you mix certain cleaning products it produces dangerous fumes that would certainly be harmful, especially to a baby whose lungs are not fully developed. If she is happy constantly cleaning everything, perhaps she could look at using natural products (lemon juice, vinegar, bicarb, etc.) There will be books on the subject on Amazon. She's probably a fan of the famous cleaning lady on the internet (Mrs. H) who spends hours each day cleaning. Cleaning what exactly? If the house has been cleaned top to bottom on day 1, is it really dirty by day 2? That smacks of OCD to me.