PREGNANT NOT ILL

To be honest your attitude stinks. I pity your poor daughter in law. Your judgmental attitude and lack of empathy is awful.
If you carry on like this, the next post you write will be 'my daughter in law doesn't let me see my grandchild/want me around'

Just out of interest Granny2B; What is the situation of you visit your grand-child in your son & Dil's home? Would their rules then apply?
Secondly, some Asian households also live in extended families.
It must be difficult transitioning from one culture to another.

OP you are a bully. Not some powerful matriarch you seem to have imagined yourself as.
Just a common nasty bully.

Granny2B I wonder if you are jealous of your DIL? You can certainly be ill when you are pregnant.

Yes I think the traveller suggestion has been mentioned already.............

Lucca

Yes I think the traveller suggestion has been mentioned already.............

Just ignore that. Posted in Error.

I think you're looking at it wrong for two things.

1 - extreme sickness in pregnancy is tough and to throw the old 'you're not ill just pregnant' out is really cold and insensitive.

2- just because your culture has the older son at home, it doesn't mean all do. If dil is from a different culture then you need to compromise and find a way to combine both cultures as your GC will be part of both.

So much negativity towards your DiL. Shame on you both when she is in a vulnerable state. Carry on like this and you may not see much of them ( including your new GC) in the future. AnotherDiL bashing post.

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

ChristopherChapman8Abb

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What on earth does this have to do with the thread....which is 6 months old?!

GrannyGravy13

Some women feel extremely ill throughout their pregnancies, constantly vomiting is in itself debilitating.

Yes, my DD had a terrible pregnancy all throughout, non stop vomiting.
A pregnancy itself, where the woman stays well ( although most go through a rough first 3 months and get very tired towards the end) isn’t an illness it’s true.
Your DIL may just have been sympathising with your friend regarding sickness.
You don’t want to fall out with her over this, or your son either, so I would keep your feelings to yourself.She is the Mother of your future grandchild.

Thanks Disco hadn’t realised it was an old thread.?

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Grann2B

"People are saying they were in hospital with their pregnancies I do sympathise, it must have felt awful but you were PREGNANT not I'll. It will any an illness and it may feel awful and drain you but it isn't an illness and today's mums behave like it is all of them "Nearly died" giving birth these days. Never mind women have been pregnant and given birth for generations since time began."

You appear quite unforgiving and harsh in your attitude towards your DIL, and certainly seem contemptuous of "today's mums" who, I suspect, are no different from mothers all down the generations. Some are stoic, others not.

It's understandable you are upset about your friend's diagnosis and that might be colouring your perspective towards your DIL's 'whingeing' but I think you need to take a step back and examine your own attitude which comes across as being rather despotic and ruthless. It's possible your DIL was, in that moment, simply unable to comprehend the magnitude of a cancer diagnosis but latched on to the symptom of nausea and vomiting and sympathised. It was, at worst, a thoughtless comment, but you and your husband seem to now be on a crusade against her and determined not to let it go.

It doesn't bode well for your future relationship with her and if she ultimately avoids contact with you it might not really be to "punish" you but because she's made uncomfortable by your obvious scorn and contempt towards her. Only you know your DIL - we don't - but on the face of it, I think you are being unreasonably harsh and intolerant.

Unfortunately, I know how your DiL feels.
Although I've, fortunately, never had cancer and wouldn't wish the treatments on people (my DCs dad did have it, and died) I have had 2 very ill pregnancies which meant me spending loads of time in hospital. Even after my youngest was born, I was still ill and eventually had to go back to hospital. I was very ill and almost died!
So, I actually feel sorry for both your friend AND your DiL.

I think you are being very unreasonable to your DIL. It doesn’t sound as if you like her very much. She probably meant she felt the same - meaning the vomiting aspect. I can’t think she would be implying that pregnancy is on a par with having cancer just commiserating over the sickness aspect.
I had hyper emesis gravidarum when pregnant and ended up hospitalised over it. It can be debilitating and extremely serious. Maybe she has this?

Hyperemesis gravidarum (HG) is a rare disorder characterized by severe and persistent nausea and vomiting during pregnancy that may necessitate hospitalization.

Tbh I think you, your husband and son should be a little kinder and not jump on a comment that was probably made with the best of intentions.

Grannie2b - I think you are awful. Your poor DIL! To jump on a comment that was probably only empathising with your friend’s sickness aspect in the way you did!
You keep going on about how being pregnant is not the same as being ill. You don’t sound very educated. You can be pregnant and very ill at the same time! I know that from experience.

Jezra, this post was written in April - so the baby could well be born by now! (We have a lot of ancient posts being dredged up lately - I wonder why?)

Oh thanks Hetty58. I should have noticed the date. Ooooops!

I don’t understand why these old posts are being re started. People should start new ones.

Why has this been revived
Everything that needed to be said was said
How di people find these old threads do you hunt for them ?
Don’t understand ???

Ditto BlueBelle & Hetty58 there have been some really old ones coming up recently.

You have been totally unreasonable Don't come crying to us when baby is born and you're excluded

Grannie2B

The only reason anybody has given me to accept that awful comment was just in case Dil won't let me see GC. That's not right and I'll not be held to ransom. That's not how a family should run is it. On fear?

No family should not be run on fear but you seem to think it’s OK for you DIL to be afraid of saying how she feels to you or your husband

Your both bullies