PREGNANT NOT ILL

Sorry. Should have read more recent posts about different culture.

PinkCosmos The posts speculating on the culture of the OP are just that - speculation. He/she just said that in their culture the oldest son and his wife and family live with his parents for a while. No mention of which culture that was.

He/she also said that the original post was just a rant to get it off their chest. Having ranted, perhaps they will now call a halt to repeating their telling their DiL that they don't feel ill, they just feel pregnant.

Elegran the OP didn't mention culture - she said in her family.

BTW, do you object to her vomiting in your house? You realize she can't help that, don't you? I mean, she's not doing it on purpose.

DS is not a mummy's boy he is a man who has been brought up with strong family values and respect.
So he stands by whilst his parents taunt his wife when she is ill during her pregnancy, because you misinterpreted her expression of sympathy.
and your dils are in charge because they hold you to ransom with the children but my son wouldn't allow that kind of behaviour nor would any of the other members of our family
Your son may find that his wife will not tolerate the sort of behaviour you have imposed on him.
He doesn't sound the sort of son to command respect if he does.

Random fact of the day - it’s thought by some historians that Charlotte Bronte died of hyperemesis.

Really? I didn't know that.

Women still die in childbirth.

Thinking more about this, I can understand an instinctive first reaction if someone found out their friend was very ill and undergoing treatment which left her
extremely tired, with a bad headache and vomiting many times during the day.
However, hyperemesis makes you feel the same plus dizziness, low blood pressure, weight loss plus the added worry that your baby may suffer too.

If nothing else, even if you do not care at all about your suffering DIL, are you not worried about your DGC?

I hope you and your DH can find some compassion for both friends and family.

My daughter had hyperemesis gravidarum and vomited several times a day for the whole of her pregnancy. She was in hospital a few times. The first time at risk of having organ failure, she was so dehydrated.

It is possible to die from it if it isn't treated. Charlotte Bronte probably died from it, although at that time it wasn't recognised.

Try to have a little more sympathy FGS.

LOL Amber. You beat me to it!

That is interesting Amberspyglass, I just assumed it was pre-eclampsia.

One of my flatmates in my single days died in childbirth, although I am not sure of the direct cause., but think it was pre-eclampsia.

I think Grannie2b has gone

I have not gone I can't believe how racist you all are. With comments such as "You must be from a different culture to US"
And then the negative comments about my perceived cultural background.

I can't believe how racist you all are.

Don't think anyone is being racist, Grannie2B

We are my DS parents and as far as I can see Dil needs to take that into account. She is in our house and in our lives and she has her place as we are the parents of her husband. She doesn't get to say what goes she's not free to make decisions over our family lives.

This comment would not have gone down well with me. Your DS is now married. They are having a baby. That is his family now.

Yes, you are his parents but you're not more important than his wife and child. They will take prime place now .He's building his own family.

Just be nice!

We are not racist, but equally we do not want to criticise someone for behaviour which we would consider unacceptable but which everyone arounds them considers acceptable.

This can happen for many reasons, including within religious, groups and different national groups, with shared ethnicity.

The strange thing is that despite most of us being critical of you and asking whether you were part of a group, any group, where behaviour like this was the norm, you have given no help or explanation, where saying something like: 'my family are Plymouth Bretheren, or Buddhist or Amish' would help us understand and be more sympathetic.

List the racists

Grannie2b please open your heart to your daughter-in-law in spite of the upset you feel.
You will both reap the rewards if you can warm to her. As will your son and your husband.
Let the remark wash over you. I feel it came from empathy and not self-interest.
Try to see it like this.

Wishing you well.

Oh mi! Have read this whole thread now. At the risk of having my post deleted also I can’t help wondering if the OP is getting satisfaction at having posts deleted?

In the beginning I felt she was so upset about her friend with cancer that she felt her DIL was being unsympathetic. I could understand that and said so.

Reading on it sounds like she just wants to be argumentative towards everyone and anything? Not much mention of the ill friend any more just about perceived disrespect by DIL

Nobody will win giving any more opinions/advice so I think this thread should be closed rather than people having warnings and their posts deleted. JMO of course.

I m far from racist Granny2b I have a big extended family outside my own culture and a variety of colours within us There is not an ounce of racism behind my posts I couldn’t care less whether you are brown white or green but your reaction to your daughter in law whatever culture you come from was unacceptable
If you come from a strong matriarchal culture it could explain it, if not then I m not sure what reason there could be behind your difficult and not very pleasant reaction to her

It would be good if you could see your remarks both in the opening post and in subsequent posts through others eyes and have a proper discussion as to where it all comes from

Take me up and open up this discussion we are not unkind people for the most part

Is it very hard to get permanently banned off Gransnet? Asking for a friend

Oh muffin! You cheeky one!

Additionally, speaking as one that had a high grade cancer, which led to 5 years of treatment, I can say categorically, my daughter was much sicker while pregnant, than I was in the middle of gruelling chemo. I at least had some good days with that.

With hyperemesis, for women that have it for the whole 9 months, every day is like a bad chemo day.

Have some compassion.

Whatever race or culture you are from, I am sure they don't have such a lack of sympathy as you exhibit toward a young woman who is vomiting several times a day and feeling awful.

I am afraid I come to one of the following conclusions - none of them have anything whatsoever to do with race or culture, but are about individual personality and attitude , which vary from person to person, and are scattered evenly across all reaces and cultures.

Either:-
1) You love your oldest son (of course) but Another Woman has taken your place at the centre of his life - as is right and proper. The relationship between man and wife is a primary one, and takes precedence over previous ones. That doesn't sever the links between parent and child, they still continue, but a parent cannot demand "obedience" from a full-grown son - or from his full-grown wife. Mother and father can expect consideration from them, but not expect to treat either of them like naughty toddlers.

2) You are resentful of the way your daughter-in-law has not bent the neck under the tyranny of a domineering older woman, but has preferred to have her own household from the start. Because you started your married life as a subservient nonentity, treated like a rebellious child, you want her to repeat the performance so that you get your turn at being top dog. You feel that you suffered, and so should she

3) You could just be a person who likes to impose their will wherever they can, and unable to see things from any other person's point of view.

4) (and we get people like this on Gransnet from time to time, so they do exist - what a sour and empty life it must be!) You could just be someone who likes to cause trouble for strangers on social media sites, by posting a tale of a controversial situation which left you outraged, and then sitting back to enjoy the responses - then claiming to be victimised by them.

Only you, and your family, know which of these scenarios is the true one.

Maybe the original poster is just a horrible person.

BTW my DH's family are Romanies. They seemed perfectly capable of understanding that I was feeling dreadful due to all day, all pregnancy sickness. No racism from anyone.