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Grand daughter's behaviour

(76 Posts)
nanou Thu 29-Apr-21 21:46:34

My son and wife have moved house to be nearer us and my grandchild has started a new nursery. My grand daughter who is 3.5 years, that I helped look after since she was 1 year old, has become very fickle with me. When I arrive in the morning to take her to the nursery with her dad in the car (her mum just recently started work), she screams, cries and refuses to talk to me telling me to go away. I know she's only a child but having this behaviour repeatedly starts to be a little grinding. Has grans experienced such hurtful behaviour? Thanks

LadyStardust Thu 29-Apr-21 21:56:23

So the little girl moves into a strange house, starts a new nursery, Mum has just recently returned to work. I would imagine she feels her world has turned upside down and is finding it a little hard to cope with everything. Most 3 and a half year olds find it difficult to control their emotions in a 'proper' way and although it's upsetting to deal with this behaviour, I'm sure with kindness and patience things will improve once a routine is established and everything settles down. How does her Dad react when she gets angry with you? I hope things settle down soon.

Doodle Thu 29-Apr-21 21:58:33

It’s not you, it’s her situation. Everything is different. She is still very young. She’s upset and showing it.

nanou Thu 29-Apr-21 22:02:41

Thank you LadyStardust and Doodle. True, the change is massive for the little one. Her Dad talks to her and reassures her with success. The reason I put this thread is because when we are together and Mummy is around, I'm still the big bad wolf, just me, which puzzles me.

LadyStardust Thu 29-Apr-21 22:11:41

Its good that Dad manages to reassure her. All you can do is ride it out with a smile and oodles of patience. (not easy to do I know!) Just ignore the bad behaviour and give lots of praise and encouragement when she does the right thing. I'm sure she loves you and it just confused and lashing out.

Sara1954 Thu 29-Apr-21 22:12:00

I have a clear memory of walking through a city high street, holding my then, about three year old granddaughter tightly by the hand, while she fought to get away, screaming ‘I hate you, I hate you, I hate you’
Another time she wrote me a note saying how much she hated me.

Now in her early twenties, she’s a delight, I love her to bits, and we have a great relationship.

nanou Thu 29-Apr-21 22:21:54

Thank you Ladies, it is reassuring. Its my first grandchild so I'm learning as we go along.
Thanks Sarah1954 good to hear that there is a loving outcome.

Doodle Thu 29-Apr-21 23:31:42

nanou like Sara my granddaughter used to scream every time he mum and dad brought her to see us. The second they pulled up in the car she started crying. Also like Sara my DGD is now 18 and a more loving person you couldn’t meet. I hasten to add it didn’t take her 18 years to love us ?
Take it gently and don’t push. She’s unsettled. Perhaps she thinks when you’re around her mummy goes away. She’s very young to understand why everything in her life has changed so suddenly. Perhaps she’s unhappy changing nursery. Could be all sorts of things. Try bringing some little toys with you. Not expensive stuff just something to distract her. Play with it yourself and see if she comes to you and wants to play with it too. Small steps. Good luck

cornishpatsy Thu 29-Apr-21 23:43:38

I am sure everyone is happy with the move and the adults have been talking about how lovely it will be to live closer to you. So maybe your granddaughter is blaming you for the disruption in her life as sees that it has only happened to be nearer to you.

I am sure she will settle quickly and you will have that loving relationship back.

welbeck Fri 30-Apr-21 01:02:08

this is not bad behaviour.

janeainsworth Fri 30-Apr-21 07:11:33

I agree with what others have advised you Nanou that this will pass, but just wondering why you get in the car with her Dad to take her to nursery?
Why doesn’t he take her himself?

nanou Fri 30-Apr-21 09:57:36

Thank you everyone. I agree lots of things must be getting in her little mind. Patience and gentleness are the keys. My son only have 1 car used by his wife to go to work, and the nursery is 30 mn away on foot, so I lend them a hand from time to time. Somehow, can’t help feeling that life was a bit easier in my youthful days!!!

Newatthis Sat 01-May-21 09:43:40

If they moved to be nearer you perhaps she sees you as being the reason for her upheaval. At her age she won’t be able to formulate things as adults or older children might. I’m sure things will settle soon and everything in her little life will right itself. Just give her time.

FarNorth Sat 01-May-21 09:54:05

Agreeing with everyone here.
The little girl is protesting all the changes in her life and needs to blame someone.
Stay calm.

CharleyB Sun 02-May-21 08:42:45

(To granddaughter.)
"I don't blame you ,
I bet all your friends
hate me too don't they?"

Best said standing / sitting next to her
looking the same way as she is.

As, when, and if she repeats her hate message
repeat your understanding message.

When she knows she's got her hate message across
she'll move on.

Up to you to steer her into green pastures.

nanou Sun 02-May-21 13:45:46

Thank you everyone. Onwards and upwards.

trisher Sun 02-May-21 13:56:59

Agree with all that's been said. The reason you are getting all the negative behaviour may be because she is a little bit worried about her mum who has gone back to work and who she imagines might move further away from her if she upsets her. So you get it all. Could you have some time with her when she isn't being taken somewhere and you can just play with her? Then you won't be the bad granny who separates her from mummy

Chardy Sun 02-May-21 15:04:35

Nanou you are her constant. Carry on being the loving gran you've always been. Ignore her yells etc, be smiley, cuddly, loving as if you don't see her behaviour.

Hithere Sun 02-May-21 15:26:12

I agree she is not misbehaving, she is adjusting.

This is very common and not personal

Cossy Mon 03-May-21 10:36:49

Bless you ! Our only DGS who is now 6, went through this phase too ! Would only sit with Grampa, no cuddles for Granny ! No, don’t want Granny to read me a story ! He grew past this, as hurtful as it is at the time, it’s normal “growing up” behaviour. You’ll soon be back in favour, hang on in there and just ignore it xx

Abuelana Mon 03-May-21 10:46:31

Ignore her behaviour and just be there when she’s settled and needs a hug.

Teddy123 Mon 03-May-21 10:50:05

I agree with all the suggestions and it will pass.
I don't understand why her daddy comes along too. Just means you then have to take him home before you get on with 'your' day.

I did a load of childcare with my 1st GC but my daughter would drop him at nursery on her way to work. Most nurseries open early to accommodate working mums.

Alternatively her Daddy could walk her to nursery.
Good for him and good for her too and a more exciting way to start the day.

Frankie51 Mon 03-May-21 10:51:52

I have 6 grandchildren and seen them all go through this stage, starting school, nursery. Children like routine. They don't cope with change.
I have memories of little fists hitting my knee and shouting. "I hate you Nana" as I took them to nursery. Your granddaughter has had a lot of changes. Give her time. All my grandchildren are now bigger and such lovely caring children. The one who used to hit my knees is especially kind now. Just give her time

Rosearch Mon 03-May-21 10:52:29

Granddaughters behaviour
I remember when my granddaughter was 3 collecting her from play school I was shocked when she started crying then screaming not wanting me to pick her up but her other nanny they eventually let me take her I did this every week the other nanny picked her up
On another day each week too I’d packed up a picnic and took her to her favourite park she carried on screaming all the way there & whilst we were at the park wanting her nanny I’d looked after her & my grandson since they were 6 months old I was heartbroken I’ve never forgotten it and feel I’m not so close to her as I am her brother even though she’s 16 now her brother is 18 I have no idea why she did this my daughter was shocked & upset when she asked her why she said she wanted Nanny not Grandma

Purplepixie Mon 03-May-21 10:53:37

Try not to take it personally but she has had a lot to go through in her little life. Better days are ahead and just keep on giving her love.